Tainted Smile: The Hidden Truth
After deciding move to Russia to train and live with Victor, Yuri was making a gradual transition into moving all of his stuff from Japan. Most of his things were already at Victor's place, and over the past couple of weeks Victor and Yuri spent most of their time reorganizing the apartment and unpacking. Victor also had to move some of his stuff back from when he first decided to move to Japan the previous year. Between the two of them, they had a lot of spring cleaning to do. The two now sat in St. Petersburg, tackling the room where Victor kept most of his costumes. They both decided to go through their old skating outfits to keep and display some, while donating others.
"There's my Eros costume," Yuri said pulling it from one of the boxes, wondering where it had gone during the move "… well I suppose it's technically yours."
"Hmm, I think it's safe to call it yours now. More people remember it for your short program than they do for mine" Victor replied.
"I guess you're right" Yuri thought, wondering how he managed to be more memorable than Victor.
They continued going through the bins and boxes, hanging up items while taking occasional breaks to talk about different outfits from their past. Victor sat down amongst the piles of clothing, while Yuri kept sorting through costumes until he dug up another glittering ensemble that was significant to Victor's skating history.
"I remember this one!" Yuri gasped holding up the sparkling costume.
"Ah yes, the outfit where I debuted my short hair."
"Why exactly did you decide to go with short hair?"
"It was time for a change, and I wanted to do something that would really surprise fans and audiences."
"People were definitely shocked. I don't even think people were all that shocked when you cut your hair the very first time."
"That did attract quite some attention back then too…" Victor said, reluctantly thinking back to that time.
"Why did you cut it the first time then? Back in your junior skating days?"
Victor took a moment to think about where this conversation was headed and if there was a way out of it. He never really discussed why his hair was cut when he was younger, and no one really questioned why either, especially after growing it back before chopping it all off. He could always change the subject, but something inside of Victor told him that he shouldn't shy away. He knew that if he started this conversation though, he would have to keep going.
"My mother… was the one who cut it…"
That statement felt unusual to Yuri and left him feeling confused. Victor was typically an open book. It wasn't hard to find out things about him, and he was always willing to share information about himself. But one thing he never really talked about was his parents. In fact, Victor never willingly brought up his parents, and anytime someone else did, he'd keep the conversation to a minimum. Yuri knew that things were rough between him and his parents, and that they were always distant. It was no secret to anyone. Whenever questioned about the connection with his parents, the reasoning would be that there were a ton of disagreement and that they clashed a lot because of that. The only things Yuri knew about Victor's parents were from past interviews or things rarely said passively in conversation. But this wasn't something that could be ignored. For Victor to begin to willfully speak about either of his parents felt off, and Yuri was quite curious about this sudden revelation and suspected that there was something more.
"Huh? W-why?" Yuri asked looking for clarity, as he sat down with Victor, but he didn't respond immediately, "Victor… what exactly happened between your parents?"
Victor stared off blankly as he thought of what he should say to Yuri. The conversation was headed exactly where he thought it would. It was only a matter of time before Yuri would have to know. He figured he might as well go along with it now. Who knew when there would be another relevant moment to talk about this, and he certainly wouldn't bring it up otherwise. It was definitely now or never.
"I know you said that things weren't the best between you and your parents, and that you chose to leave because of that…"
"It wasn't really a choice, actually…" Victor finally said, taking the opportunity to fully transition into the topic of his parents.
"Wha—? Did…did they… were you forced to leave?"
"Yeah, they told me to get out of their house, and I didn't have a choice."
"Why? What happened?" Yuri asked pressing his curiosity further only to realize he might be digging too deep into a topic he knew Victor never talked about. "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked! You don't have to tell me if you don't want to!"
"Yuri, it's fine. I guess the short answer is they weren't so keen with my dating preference."
"And the long answer…?"
"Where do I even start?" Victor sighed as he rested his head back against the wall as he tried to remember all that had happened to him in the past.
The narrative was always that Victor and his parents never agreed on anything, always getting into fights and arguments, and that when Victor was old enough, he moved out to avoid further conflict. This version of how things went wasn't necessarily a lie, but it left out details that showed the gravity of the situation.
It all started when he had his first serious relationship. He was happy and excited. Things were going great for him. Things couldn't have been better for him—that is until his parents realized that his close friendship was more than just a platonic relationship. He felt his heart flutter and his cheeks get warmer anytime he saw or thought about this guy. Growing up, he had always heard his parents talking about the kind of girls he would probably date, and who he would eventually settle down with, but even as a child, something about his parent's words fell flat and didn't quite sit right. While he did have grade school crushes on girls, he would often times feel the same way about some of the boys in his class too. That divide in attraction only became more apparent in his high school years, but it never felt like a wrong thing to him.
Vladimir and Natalia Nikiforov were a strict pair. Everything was their way, set in stone, and Victor wanted nothing more than to please them and be the perfect son for them. Though they were stringent on most aspect of his life growing up, they were generally relaxed about his friends coming over to hang out or study. On this particular day, he was doing just that, spending time with the boy he fell for. After hanging out with his love interest a few times before hand, they had decided to make things a little more serious, more official, between them. Victor has mentioned his relationship to his parents before, but they didn't seem to understand what he meant. It soon became abundantly clear to them however.
The young couple was sitting down at the table studying and chatting about what happened at school earlier that day and sharing jokes with one another. Victor and his new love laughed together as they both leaned in, with the boy brushing Victor's long locks of silver hair back behind his ear, and went for a quick peck. Victor's mother, who was just in the kitchen, had witnessed this as she entered the dining room to check in on things. Everything stopped for her in that instant. She knew by how casual they were that this wasn't the first time, but she would make sure it was the last. His father had also witnessed what had just happened as he sat in an arm chair just in the other room with a grim expression.
"No…" Natalia said with a mortified look on her face, "You need to leave. This can't happen here" she said instructing the boy to exit the house.
"Mom…? What's going on?" Victor asked confused.
"You need to send your… 'friend' home."
Victor got up from the table and walked his boyfriend to the door where they said their goodbyes. After closing the front door behind him, he went back to the family room where his mother paced back and forth, waiting for him to return to address the issue.
"What was that about?" Victor practically demanded.
"Victor, you can't do this" his mother said in a serious tone.
"Do what…?"
"Do you honestly think it's normal to have feelings for another guy?"
"But—I" Victor tried to explain what he felt, but was cut off.
"You are to end this. Now!"
"No. I can't just end things with him."
"Oh, you're really pushing it" Vladimir said brooding in the background.
"I'm not ending it."
Confusion over the situation was unyielding. What could be so wrong with being in love? And why were his parents so upset about it? Victor just couldn't seem to understand. His father got up with tightly clenched fist and approached Victor. Victor took a step back not sure what was to come next, but he knew whatever it was that it wouldn't be good. His mother stood next to his father with folded arms.
"Are you choosing to not do as we say?" Vladimir questioned.
"I'm not ending it" Victor repeated firmly, standing his ground.
No sooner after he finished speaking, his mother slapped him across the face leaving a stinging sensation on his cheek. His father then forcefully rammed his fist into Victor's core, knocking the wind out of him. Before he could even get a chance to catch his breath, his mother was already grabbing a fist full of his long platinum hair and dragging him all the way upstairs to his room. Victor was crying for her to let go, but the woman refused to loosen her grip. She searched through the drawer on his desk and found a large pair of scissors. As soon as Victor realized what she was about to do, he begged and pleaded for her to stop, but she ignored his requests. She took the scissors and began sawing back and forth at the bunch of hair she was still holding onto. Victor tried to resist and escape as best as he could, but to no avail. Struggling would only make it worse. In one fell swoop, his mother had chopped the tail bone length hair to just above mid back length. The silver strands landed on the floor, and Victor immediately fell silent. What's done is done. She threw Victor to the ground along with the scissors staring at him with disgust.
"Maybe you should reconsider some of the choices you've made" Natalia said leaving the room.
Victor laid there, in pain, surrounded by what were now scraps of his hair, with tears streaming down his cheeks. He remained on the floor contemplating what just happened to him as he closed his eyes, wishing for the day to finally be over.
The next morning, Victor woke up on the floor in the middle of the hack job his mother had created last night. He slowly picked himself up, still sore from his father's blow, and went to the mirror to examine the damage. As soon as he saw himself, his eyes welled up at the image before him. He took a moment to collect his feelings before he went to grab the scissors to cut the stray and uneven pieces to make his hair look like it wasn't a tattered mess. After making himself look presentable for the day, and sweeping up the abandoned strands now scattered through his room, he went downstairs to head to school.
"Victor!" Natalia called from the kitchen.
"Yes, mother…?" Victor asked in a sullen voice.
"We want you back home immediately after practice today."
"That goes for every other day too. After school and after practice, you better be right here." his father added.
Victor was silent, almost as if he were paralyzed.
"Is that clear?" his father asked demanding a response.
"Yes."
"Oh, and one last thing!" his mother said before he left, "I hope you cleaned up that mess you made in your room" she said referring to the chopped hair.
"…It's already done" he uttered with lack of emotion.
While he felt it was unfair to restrict his free time, he decided not to go against their wishes after what happened last night. He knew his parents could be harsh sometimes, but he never expected they would intentionally cause harm to him. He never would have thought that something like last night would have happened. He knew that they only wanted the best for him, at least that's what he's been told. Now he wasn't so sure. He went to school like everything was normal, with a happy expression plastered upon his face, although his shorter hair did bring people to question what had happened. He came up with an excuse that it was to make figure skating easier. Even though it killed him inside anytime someone asked about his hair, he wouldn't show it.
For the next two weeks, Victor would come home directly after school and after practice just as his parents instructed so not as to upset them. That didn't make them happy however. Every day as soon as Victor stepped in the house, he would receive a beating from either of his parents. Many nights he would spend in his room with liquid pain running down his face. They would ask him if he was still in a relationship with the boy, then proceeded to knock him to the ground when they didn't get the answer they wanted. They hopped that this punishment would encourage him to end the relationship and change his ways, yet Victor was resilient. He only hopped that maybe somehow, they would be able to accept things the way they were. He wanted nothing more than for his parents to love him as he was. It was a fleeting desire.
"Still together in this repulsive thing you call a relationship, are you?" Natalia asked, only wishing this nightmare for her would end.
"Why do I have to end my relationship? Things only just got started."
"Then you should quit while you're ahead. Stop all of this now before it goes any further, do you understand me?"
"Why is it so bad that I have feelings for someone—"
"You can't grow up to like other men! How can you even choose to do something disgusting like that?" his father butted in.
"It's not something I chose to do…"
"Of course it's a choice! It's not natural otherwise" Vladimir responded.
Despite hearing that it was unnatural for him to feel this way about his boyfriend, he couldn't help but feel otherwise. How could loving someone at all be unnatural? The only thing that didn't feel right were his parent's words.
"After all that happened, you still refuse to change" his father continued.
"I can't just change either."
"Well I suggest you find a way" his mother said through grit teeth.
"And if you can't find a way to fix your problem, then maybe we'll have to…" the man added.
Victor's entire body became stiff as if he were bracing for impact. His father's word felt like they had weight behind them. He wasn't sure what they would do to him next, but after last week, he knew anything was possible.
"If this gets out, what do you think it will do to the family name?" Vladimir asked.
Victor didn't say anything to that. How could he care about the family name when he was already out there making a name for himself, no thanks to his parents at that. He didn't want what they wanted. He didn't want to settle down and add to the family wealth and keep up the prestige. He wanted to do what made him happy, and right now, that was ice skating and being with the boy he loved. But his parents were very against one of those things, and weren't too impressed with the other.
"So, you're going to ignore us?" his mother asked.
"What do you want me to say?" he replied.
The woman took a long look at him, narrowing her eyes, clearly irritated. Victor was hoping that neither of his parents rushed towards him like horror show he'd experienced the previous weeks. He realized that he needed to be careful of what he says, or doesn't say for that matter.
"God, I can't even stand to look at you right now, go to your room or something" Natalia said shooing her son away.
Over the next few months, Victor's parents continued threatening him and causing him harm. Some days he'd be pushed into doors or walls by his father. His mother would continue to slap him across the face, all the while both of his parents would shout obscenities at him, and criticize every little thing he'd do. Some days when he'd come home, his parents would do absolutely nothing. Those days were honestly the worst. He'd spend the entire evening wondering when, or if they would do anything to him, or what they had planned. It'd eat him up inside wondering what the next attack would be and when it would happen… if it happened at all. Any little thing his parents said or did made him tense up as if one of them were about to strike him. He was never sure of what to expect when he got home. Between ice skating and worrying about his parents, it became difficult to maintain a relationship. Victor had to make the disheartening decision to end things with his first love. A few days after the breakup, his parents did their typical check in to see if he had ended his relationship.
"Still dating some boy?" his father asked.
"we're…no longer together" Victor said dully.
"So you've ended this thing of yours?"
"Yes…"
"It was only a matter if time. We're glad this little phase of yours is finally ending" his mother said eagerly.
"We're surprised this dragged on for this long" his father said seeming annoyed that things hadn't ended much sooner.
Nonetheless, both his parents were content in the news they were receiving. Victor however was heartbroken. This was his first breakup, and his parents were happy about it. Not a single ounce of sympathy, no words of comfort. Just relief on their end, and stinging pain crushing Victor.
Later that night after dinner, Victor went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. As he was in the room alone, he began to think about all he had just given up, and the relationship he had just lost. Tears slowly began to stream down his face as he tried to keep quiet. He decided to head to his room where he could cry himself to sleep. On his way there however, he ran into his father.
"What the hell are you crying for?" the man asked smacking the side of Victor's head.
"Nothing…"
"God, has liking boys made you weak too?"
Victor wiped his eyes, and squeezed past his father continuing his way to his bedroom to continue to lament his relationship. He was so emotionally broken that he felt nothing his parents would do to him in that moment would hurt as much as what he was feel now.
After his breakup, there was a sort of peace between him and his parents. Things weren't completely back to normal, but they stopped chastising him and hurting him constantly. They were even a little bit friendlier towards him, but there was still tension. Victor couldn't just forget everything they had done, like nothing had happened, and Vladimir and Natalia were still wary of their son's dating preference. Though he wasn't dating anyone, they were sure that some part of him felt the way he does about other guys. They only hoped that he learned from the tortured they made him endure, and that with time, he would cease being attracted to men.
Victor didn't show much interest in anyone during those months of peace, but like most teens, he developed another crush. The feeling snuck up on him and he tried to resist it as much as possible. He didn't want to feel this way. He knew that things would go south almost instantly if his parents knew how he felt for yet another boy. Victor found it was pointless to fight the feeling, no matter how hard he tried, he still liked him. He also knew that he could never start a relationship with the boy either, and his parents could never find out, but yet he still wanted to be with this guy, to spend time with him.
Though Victor had ended his first relationship, his parents still didn't let up about his free time. He still had to come home immediately after school and practice. Some days though, he'd be let out of practice early, other days he would simply leave before the end of practice despite Yakov saying otherwise. Other times, he would explain to his parents that practice got out late when they questioned his whereabouts. It was the only way he would get a chance to hang out with anyone after school or practice, and the only way he could spend time with his new crush.
"And just where do you think you're going?" Yakov asked Victor as he prepared to take off early.
"Oh come on, I've already done everything there is to do."
"You need to go through your short program again."
"Maybe tomorrow" Victor said with a laugh already taking off.
Yakov tried getting him to come back and preventing him from leaving, but knew it was no use and allowed him leave practice an hour early. With that, Victor went off to meet up with his new love interest while his parents thought he was still out at practice. He was able to keep up this guise for a few months before his parents inevitably found out about what he was really up to. Just like that, the abuse and name calling started back up, until his parents decided they were tired of trying to sway him and that instead they wanted nothing to do with their son. Natalia began to ignore his entire existence, and Vladimir was even more physical and violent than he had been.
After his parents found out about what he had been doing, he gave up on trying to get home on time. It was late, and Victor hadn't come home yet. Natalia and Vladimir knew why. They knew what he was doing, where he was, and who he was with. At this point they had more than gave up trying. Vladimir sat in the armchair in the family room, thoroughly fed up, while Natalia paced back and forth, conjuring a plan on how to handle things.
"You know what we have to do" Vladimir said to his wife.
"I can't do this anymore, nothing else has worked" she responded as she stopped in her tracks.
Vladimir got up and he and Natalia went to Victor's room and retrieved bags and suitcases and proceeded to place all of his things into the luggage. They cleared out almost everything and hulled it all downstairs where they would wait for his return. Victor finally came back home and was in a fairly good mood, but he knew it probably wouldn't last once he got inside. If only he knew what was waiting for him on the other side of the door. Victor walked into the house where he was met with his parents and packed bags sitting in front of them.
"What's all this?" he asked concerned and confused.
"You were out with that boy again, weren't you?" his mother asked rhetorically.
"Yeah…so what…?"
His father drew in a breath and stared at him dead in his eyes.
"You are never to step foot into this house again until you change your ways."
At that moment, Victor felt his heart sink down into his stomach, his chest grow heavy, and his body became numb at the realization of what was happening. He tried to reason with his parents and even begged them not to do this to him. They remained silent and refused to listen.
"You know I can't… I can't just… 'change' " young Victor said defeated.
"Well then you can't stay here," his father said firmly with no remorse. He went over to the door and opened it. "Get out."
"Please…just…" Victor looked up as he tried to hold back the tears pooling in his eyes.
"You can leave willingly, or I can force you out of here myself."
Victor knew it was pointless to try and get them to change their minds. If they weren't convinced to look at who he's attracted to differently, then there was no chance that they would change their minds about this. With no other option, Victor grabbed his things and walked out the door he had just came in. His legs felt light as feathers and nothing felt real to him, like his body wasn't his own anymore and he was watching his life through someone else's eyes. The numbing feeling took over as he left what was now his former home. He was at a loss for what to do or where to go. He wandered for a while, before he figured he would stay the night at the ice rink. He approached the facility and unlocked one of the doors with the spare key Yakov had trusted him with. He went to the stands where he made a place for himself to rest for the night. Every action he executed felt autonomic, every step mechanical. Victor only hoped that when he awoke in the morning, it would all just be some terrible dream.
In the morning, Yakov came to open the ice rink and get things set up, per usual. He went to the stands to do his usual rounds and was immediately alarmed when he noticed there was someone else in the building with him. He approached the situation carefully and was surprised by his discovery.
"Vitya?! What are you doing here?"
"Oh!" Victor said stirring awake, "I decided to come super early today so that I could get more practice time."
Yakov, stood there for a moment to examine the scene before him. Victor had clearly slept here, and the bags had left him suspicious of what was going on. Victor hadn't thought that far ahead as for what to do when the morning came and this was the best excuse he could come up with on the spot.
"Is that so…?" Yakov said narrowing his eyes at the young skater. "Come to my office."
The old coach turned to head towards his office, with Victor trailing behind. Once inside, Yakov closed the door behind him, and told his star pupil to have a seat.
"Now tell me, what's really going on?"
Victor was silent and hung his head down, avoiding eye contact, as he thought about what to say. The reality of his situation was setting in and the pain of it all was too much to bear. The place he'd once called home, the only place he knew, was no longer somewhere he could return to. He had nothing, and no one to go to. His entire life changed in an instant. He felt lost, alone, and confused. It was all too much to think about. Tears began to flow from his eyes as he tried to choke back sobs, only to fail miserably as he broke down in front of his coach. Yakov handed Victor the box of tissues that sat on his desk and waited for the young skater to become more composed so that he could explain what was going on.
Victor described everything that had happened to Yakov who listened intently to each word he was saying. Though Yakov typically had a stern exterior, inside he felt sorrow for the weeping boy before him, and anger towards the ones who caused him pain. After Victor was finished speaking, he went silent, still contemplating what his life had just become and why. Despite all that his parents put him through, he felt it was all his fault. That the only person to blame was himself. "Maybe if I had just tried harder to not be this way. Maybe if I thought about it long enough, I would have been able to change, maybe then my parents wouldn't have made this decision. Why can't I change how I feel? There has to be a way. Why can't I just be normal?" All these thoughts and more were swarming Victor's head almost making him dizzy. Yakov was about to speak and ask Victor something, but Victor suddenly turned his internal turmoil outward.
"What's wrong with me?"
"Nothing's wrong with you."
"Then what did I do to deserve this? Why am I this way?" Victor cried out.
"You don't deserve any of this. You're a good kid, fine just the way you are. Your parents are just horrible people" Yakov sighed, his demeanor becoming softer.
"What am I supposed to do now?" Victor asked, still at a loss for what the future holds for him.
"How about you help me get things set up for the day?" Yakov said rising from his seat and walking over to the other side of the desk. "Then at the end of the day, we'll close up shop and I'll take you back to my home. I'm sure you could use a place to sleep for the night."
"But what about the next day…?"
"Don't worry about it" Yakov said patting the top of Victor's head rustling his long locks of hair as he left the office.
It took Victor a moment to realize that Yakov was opening up his home to him. Victor felt insurmountable gratitude towards his coach. He couldn't even begin to express how grateful he was. He stayed in Yakov's office for a bit more to settle down before he went out to help his coach set up to start the day. The day passed by like any other. Victor went through practice like nothing was wrong in the slightest bit, still laughing and smiling with his rink mates, but it's not like it's something he wasn't used to doing by now. Skating was a way to take his mind off of things for a while.
Later that night, Yakov returned to his home with Victor. He led the teen up the stairs to show him the room he would be staying in. Yakov flipped the switch to turn on the incandescent lights. The room lit up to show a small twin sized bed, a writing desk, and a tall dresser with different kinds of trinkets along the top.
"Alright, go ahead and make yourself comfortable. I'll go grab you an extra blanket."
Victor stepped in the room and set his things down as his coach went down the hallway to retrieve extra linen. Victor looked at some of the knick-knacks on the dresser more closely, then went to the bed to sit down. He looked around the room, taking everything in, before he laid flat on the bed and closed his eyes thinking about what tomorrow would bring. Yakov finally returned to the room to find Victor fast asleep. He put the blanket down on the desk and left the boy be as he turned off the light and closed the bedroom door. He figured the past twenty-four hours had been pretty exhausting for Victor. It's no surprise he knocked out so fast. He probably got little to no sleep after what happened with his parents the night before, and he had effectively been at practice all day today.
The following morning Victor woke up to his unfamiliar surrounding only to remember where he was and why. He stayed in bed looking around the room for a while to let everything settle in. "So, this is my life now… This really happened." He thought to himself as he lay in bed on his back staring up at the ceiling. After a few moments just lying there, he finally decided to get up from bed. He went downstairs, where he found his coach sitting at the small round table in the kitchen, drinking coffee, and reading the morning newspaper.
"Sleep well?" Yakov asked looking up from his paper.
"Yeah, I did… Thanks again for letting me stay here" Victor said.
"Like I said, don't worry about it. Help yourself to anything to eat."
Victor looked in the pantry to find a box a cereal and in the fridge for some milk, then prepared a bowl for himself. He sat at the table across from Yakov who was still sipping on coffee and reading his newspaper. After Yakov finished reading the columns, he folded up his paper to have a little chat with Victor.
"Some ground rules while you're here: First, I expect some chores to be done while you stay here."
"Of course," Victor nodded. It was the very least he could do after all.
"Second, I don't really care if you're out late. Just try to be back by midnight at the latest. Also, I don't care if you spend the night at anyone's home, just give me a heads up beforehand."
Victor nodded agreeing to these simple rules as Yakov added a few more to the list. Through coaching Victor for years, Yakov knew it was best to let Victor have freedom, to not restrict him to tight rules. He saw it in his skating and after learning about all his parents had done, he figured it would be a nice change of things for Victor and his free-spirited personality. He knew that Victor knew what would be best for himself, and that he would make the decisions that were in his best interest, so there was no need to bog him down with rules.
From that day forward, Victor went on living with his coach. It took a while for him to adjust to his new living situation and to come to terms with everything that had happened, but he was eventually able to put it behind him and he didn't let his current state get the best of him. Although he already felt happier and was able to be the free spirit he was, there were nights where he would lie in bed awake, unable to sleep with the crushing thoughts of "what if" infiltrating his mind. There were nights where he wished he could change and be the son his parents wanted him to be, where he wished he could go home and things go back to normal, but that would never be the case. He knew he would never be able to go back home, and he knew it was probably for the best.
After spending a little over a year living with his coach, Victor decided it was time to move out and live on his own. He didn't want to impose on his coach anymore more than he felt he had. Because of his multiple wins at competitions, many sponsorships reached out to him and he took nearly all of them, saving all the money he could, as well as using anything left over from what his parents unknowingly left him before they cut him off. Victor was able to find a nice apartment in St. Petersburg and began moving in right away. He hadn't seen his parents since the night they told him to get out and never come back, but he had to go back one last time to retrieve the last of his items. His parents did a pretty good job packing up everything for him the first time, but he still had some things that were left behind. He managed to get everything he came for in one trip. Neither of his parents said a word to him and he didn't say anything to them. They only watched him as he packed up his things and left once more.
Once completely moved in to his new apartment, Yakov came by to drop off a few items and made sure Victor hadn't forgotten anything.
"Looks like you're all on your own now. Stay out of trouble, you hear?"
"No promises" Victor replied jokingly.
Yakov took this as an opportunity to give some encouraging words to leave the young skater with. Even though he doesn't show it, he had grown fonder of Victor.
"Even though you do whatever the hell you want, you stay true to yourself… and after all you've been through… you've managed to stay who you are. That's what people love about you."
Victor smiled at his coach not sure what to say or how to express his appreciation.
"I feel like you could put all of this energy and emotion into your performances. You're already on a roll with multiple grand title gold medals to your name. Might as well keep going with it. Take some of that natural born talent and inspiration, and you could become something great" Yakov added.
Living with his coach and away from his parents had improved his overall wellbeing. He was happier in an environment where he could express himself, and he took Yakov's advice to continue to strive for greatness. He found a drive that pushed him to become the living legend he is today.
"Thank you, for everything you've done for me so far" Victor said with a smile of gratitude.
"Like I've said, you're a good kid. You'll do just fine" Yakov replied.
Victor gave Yakov a hug, embracing him tightly before letting him go. The ridged old man became more softhearted, and placed his arm around his young pupil. Yakov turned to leave and Victor saw him off. He was now alone in his new apartment, ready to embark on a fresh journey in his life, a journey with many ups and downs that brought him to where he is now.
"So, I guess the real reason why I cut my hair was because I wanted to let go of my past and anything that reminded me of it… It was time for a change. Time for me to move on from that part of my life…Skating was a way for me to escape. I was able to take on different roles and be different characters. I could put all of my emotion and feelings into one place. Most importantly, I could also be myself if I wanted to."
The information Yuri had just received was world shaking, heartbreaking even. Victor had been hiding this dark secret for so long without anyone ever knowing. Behind such a bright smile was someone who had been broken. Someone whose spirit was shattered underneath it all. He gazed upon Victor whose eyes looked down, and yet he still had a slight smile on his face. After all he had been through he was still able to put on a smile for the world. Yuri didn't know what to say or do. At first, he just wanted to wrap his arms around Victor and never let go. Part of him wanted to find Victor's parents and kick their asses, but he knew the latter wouldn't solve anything. The only thing he could do was stare, wondering what all was going through Victor's mind, wondering what he could do in this moment to make him feel better.
"Victor… so nobody knows about this?" Yuri asked still processing this new information.
"Well, except Yakov, Lilia, and obviously you now. None of my past lovers knew… I didn't feel like… I guess that why things didn't work out in the end…"
Victor stopped talking as he tried to collect all of his feelings into one single thought. Yuri finally gave into his urge and wrapped his arms around Victor, clinging onto him tightly. Victor was a little startled by the sudden embrace, but nonetheless felt a tranquil bliss wash over him as he held Yuri.
"It's just that, if you're going to stay by my side forever, I felt like this is something you would have to know or find out eventually" Victor concluded. He didn't want to feel like he had anything to hide from Yuri.
Yuri understood what he meant, and it finally started to click about what Victor said in the beginning about building trust between a relationship. That wasn't just meant for Yuri to warm up to Victor and get to know each other on a basic level, but also for Victor to fully feel like he could open up bits of himself and be his true self.
"It's not something I like to talk about and I can never be sure of how people might react."
"Were…you afraid of how I might react…?" Yuri asked with caution.
"No, it's not that… I just couldn't think of a time where I would ever be able to bring it up to you and how I would do it."
"Well I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to open up to me about all of this…"
"Something about you just makes me feel like how I never have before. You're one of the best things to come into my life."
"I feel like you've always been a part of mine…but I'm glad to actually have you here and now" Yuri replied.
Victor blushed at Yuri's words while holding onto him tighter. The warmth from Yuri felt radiating and comforting.
"I hope you win this season" Because I can't wait to marry you, Victor said and thought to himself.
"I hope so too. I'll give it my all and show everyone I can do it this time!"
"But if you think I'm going to give up my winning streak easily, you've got another thing coming" Victor teased.
Victor and Yuri shared a laugh together that helped lift the mood. They continued organizing the costumes in the room as they went from talking about a past that nearly destroyed Victor to a hopeful and joy filled future together. Yuri was now the only one outside of the situation who knew about Victor's past. Nobody else knew and Victor would honestly prefer to have kept it like that, however he knew Yuri was now an important part to his life and he had been feeling the need to let him know about this more and more. Talking about what he went through to someone else actually made him feel somewhat better, despite some of the old emotions and bitter feeling that were buried deep creeping in, and it helped him see just how far he had come since then. The darkness of his past felt like a mere shadow compared to the moments he spent with Yuri, and the future glistening brightly before him was enough to bring light to even the darkest of moments for Victor. Together, they would continue to illuminate the path that was now expanding before them.