This is dedicated to nigahiga (Ryan Higa) and the idea was taken from his video, "Things that Ruin Thanksgiving". Also, a bit of Jim Gaffigan was used. Hopefully it'll come out okay.
-miano53
Things that Ruin Christmas!
Land of Departure, Christmas Eve (12 years ago)…
Aqua sat at the dinner table, alone, and looked around. Terra, Master Eraqus and Ventus were sitting in front of the TV, watching American Football. "Guys? Food's getting cold. Dinner's ready," Aqua said.
The boys stared at the TV and immediately started yelling when their team (Patriots FTW!) made a touchdown. "Touchdown!" Ven yelled.
Terra and Eraqus gave each other a high five and Ven threw a football at Aqua. Due to her really wanting to eat, the ball hit her plate and corn was sent flying in her face. That ruined the Christmas spirit that day…
A bit later the same day…
Aqua managed to get the boys around the table and she started the prayer. "We thank you for this food at our table. We also would like to thank you for the Christmas spirit and peace. We also like to thank you for the people sitting around this table," Aqua said.
"You're welcome!" Ven said.
That ruined the prayer as everyone looked at Ven as if he was crazy. He looked around and smiled sweetly. Once again, that ruined the Christmas mood…
11 years ago (before the chaos of Xehanort)…
Aqua woke up to hear the sound of something coming through the castle front doors. Eraqus and Ven woke up and headed downstairs. For some reason, they found…a pine tree…in the living room…with Terra standing proudly next to it. "T-Terra…why is there…a pine tree…in our living room?" Ven asked, confused.
Drunk on eggnog, Terra yelled, "I like it! W-We're gonna…we're gonna decorate it…for Jesus."
Aqua stifled her laughter while Eraqus glared. "Then I'm gonna hang my socks over the fireplace and fill them with candy. Maybe I'll tie some mistletoe on the ceiling and see if I can get some action," Terra said, still very drunk.
"Terra…" Eraqus said, still glaring.
"Now, Master, I'm gonna puke on the couch…Merry Christmas!" Terra said and fell on the couch. Within moments, he threw up on the floor and Aqua and Ven groaned.
"Aqua…Ven, get the bucket and mop…" Eraqus said, exasperated.
Nine years later, Destiny Islands, Sora's house…
Riku and Kairi entered the house with Christmas presents. "Hey, Sora! Merry…!" Kairi said.
"Happy Thanksgiv…ing?" Sora said, dressed as a pilgrim.
Riku and Kairi stared at him and Riku was the first to say, "The heck? Why are you dressed as a pilgrim? It's Christmas!"
Sora looked at his outfit and saw that both Riku and Kairi were wearing Santa outfits. 'Crud…' he thought and headed to his room to change his clothes.
12 years later, Riku's house (after defeating Xemnas that year)…
Riku, who heard Sora and his family enter the house, said, "Hey guys! Merry Christmas!"
Sora, once again in a pilgrim's outfit, yelled proudly, "Happy Tur…"
When he saw Riku and the others dressed in Christmas attire again, he said, "Son of a…!"
Later that night…
Riku, after all the guests had left, heard a sound coming from his living room. He summoned his Way to Dawn and snuck out of his room. When he was close to the living room, he saw the silhouette of a man near the Christmas tree. 'What the…? The day of Christmas?' Riku thought, thinking that the man was a thief.
"There's all the presents. Now, to go home," the man said.
Riku saw that the fat man in red had a sack over his shoulder and was about to leave, via the fireplace. "Die, sucka!" he yelled and tackled the poor man to the ground.
Riku's parents heard this and ran down the stairs. They then saw that the man Riku had attacked was…Santa Claus. "Riku!" his mom yelled.
Riku looked at Santa and said, "Oh (beep)!"
Radiant Garden (three months after the battle between Aqua and Terra-Xehanort)…
Xehanort, sitting at the dining table eating Christmas dinner, looked up and saw Braig holding a gun. He aimed it at Xehanort's forehead and Xehanort wasn't amused. "Oh (beep)," he said.
That ruined Christmas for him as a suction dart was shot at his forehead…
Merlin's House, Radiant Garden (the same day)…
Merlin looked at his magicked supplies and said, "Okay, lights go out there. Okay axes, chop down that tree and bring it in here. I just…I really have to get a job…"
Sadly, the axes dropped the Christmas tree on poor Merlin…
Sora's house, before Sora and Riku left for the Mark of Mastery Exam…
Sora, after heading into the living room, saw that there were no presents under the tree. "What happened to all the present?" he asked.
"We both lost our jobs so there's no Christmas presents this year," Sora's mom said.
"No presents? It's Christmas! We should at least have one thing," Sora said.
"And…you're adopted," Sora's father said.
"What? No, that can't be true!" Sora said.
"It's okay. We're getting a divorce anyway," Sora's mom said.
"This doesn't even make sense. Why are you telling me this right now?" Sora asked.
"Let's just enjoy the day and watch some Christmas football," Sora's dad said.
"We don't even watch football! How can I enjoy the day when I know all this is happening?" Sora asked.
"We're not watching silly. We're playing," Sora's mom said and threw him a football.
He caught it and said, "What?" Sora was then tackled into the table like by a random football player.
"Ow…" he said as he found out immediately that he had three broken ribs…
Well, that's that. In the words of Ryan Higa, "TEEHEE!"
-miano53