I Hate Your Girlfriend, Colonel!
By:
Inu-Moon94
AN: I randomly thought of this tale during the time when Girlfriend was stuck in my mind. I sorta remember what happened in the video, so this story may be similar to the video but with beloved FMA characters.
All the characters, especially Riza, may be OOC but for a change, I don't care. The OOCness is all for the best, in my opinion.
Well, Read and Review if you wanna
xD 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Hagaren or Girlfriend by the oh, so awesome Avril Lavigne sadly.
Day: Friday, the day Roy had lots of dates for some reason.
Time: Around eight o'clock.
Riza's true emotions: Jealousy, anger, jealousy, love, jealousy, fatigue... Did I mention jealousy?
Riza Hawkeye, the sharpshooter who always hid her emotions, especially from her eyes, stepped in a small Cafe with Black Hayate to get some coffee for herself. She had to pull an all-nighter and finish all of Roy's paperwork for he was on a date with some woman... AGAIN!
Oh, how the Second Lieutenant hated all the women that dated the Colonel that she should should be rightfully hers.
Why, oh why, couldn't Roy ever come up to her and be like 'Riza, my sharpshooting Princess, will you be my girlfriend?'
Why couldn't he just randomly kiss her or hug her or maybe even carry her when he thought she was rather tired like she was at the moment?
Riza shook those thoughts out of her mind once a waitress came over to where she was sitting with her dog on a table next to a huge window. She couldn't think of how much she lusted for Roy at the moment for she had to order coffee, not blurt out her feelings.
"Hello there!" A waitress who looked to be around twenty greeted. "What would you like to order today on this wonderful day?"
Riza nearly snorted at when the waitress had said 'this wonderful day', but stopped herself. She didn't want to take her anger and jealousy out on an innocent waitress, even though she was rather perky and perky women often made her mad.
"Black coffee with nothing in it."
"Alrighty then!" The perky waitress scribbled down Riza's order in what Riza noticed was very messy writing and then ran off towards the kitchen in a very perky manner.
Riza was wondering why the girl wrote so sloppily, when she had to write ten times as much as her and she wrote in perfectly neat handwriting.
"Kids."
As the blonde waited for her coffee very patiently, she saw a familiar someone with his arm draped over some female's shoulders. She looked out of the window and her jaw nearly dropped.
It was Roy with his date, who was of course, very attractive as usual ("The shallow bastard!"), and they were both heading towards the Cafe!
Hawkeye wanted to dash out of the Cafe immediately, but she couldn't as she had ordered her coffee and had wasted her money on it. She had a feeling that it would be horrible coffee and that she might as well have made some for herself, then given Hayate a walk after finishing her paperwork instead of giving him one before she had come into the Cafe.
Day: Friday, his major flirt day.
Time: Around eight o'clock.
Roy's true emotions: Boredom and regret.
The man of Riza's interest, Roy Mustang, stepped into the Cafe that Riza was waiting for her coffee in with his newest girlfriend that he had stolen away from his First Lieutenant Jean Havoc as he usually did.
Roy didn't have any feelings towards his girlfriends like he should, he simply dated her for three reasons.
1.) To get away from his paperwork.
2.) To spite Havoc.
3.) To make the woman whom he truly loved jealous.
The woman of his dreams was Riza Hawkeye though he never showed it. He thought that she didn't love him nearly as much as he loved her, which was why he always dated many women by working his charm and looks to the limit to make her jealous.
Little did the Colonel though, he did make her jealous!
"Royyyyyyyyyya..." Yes, his girlfriend called him 'Roya'. How could Havoc stand her?! "What shall we do-a here?"
Roy gestured towards a booth and said,"Settle in and order something to enjoy together, of course."
"Like-uh what-a dahling?" His girlfriend that secretely got on his nerves asked.
"Anything that appeals to us." Roy answered, sitting down.
"Oh God, Riza... Please, PLEASE, get jealous of me quickly and show me that you have feelings for me. I don't think I can stand dating attractive yet annoying women like her just to make you jealous..."
Roy noticed a blonde with a very familiar looking dog sitting alone at a table next to a huge window and glanced at her when his girlfriend was irritably fiddling with her hair. It was... RIZA!
A smirk came on Roy's face and he knew exactly what he had to do.
Roy suddenly grabbed his girlfriend's face gently and pushed it towards his, then kissed her with great passion that he didn't feel about her. When he saw Riza's face turn slightly to look at them, he finished their kiss grandly and then inched away from his girlfriend's face.
"I love-uh youuuu too-ah, dahling Royyyyya." His girlfriend answered, completely out of breath.
Roy easily caught his breath as he was used to kissing ladies so grandly and passionately, then looked at her with a look that made most women hold their breath.
"So do I, love. So do I."
Riza Hawkeye had seen Roy make out with his date and felt like shooting something, especially his girlfriend.
She had such an annoying accent and she seemed twice as old as him! No way could she let her Colonel date someone twice as old as him with an annoying accent!
Suddenly, Riza let her whirlwind of emotions control her and she stood up so sharply from her chair that it fell on the ground, scaring Black Hayate and making him bark.
As she walked over to Roy, she pointed at him with a slender finger and exclaimed,"Hey, hey! You, you! I don't like your girlfriend!"
Roy's girlfriend glared at Riza with a girly threathening look that didn't work on her and sat next to Roy, then wrapped her arms around his strong arm.
"Royyyaaaaa, she's cazzy... Let'saaa goo..." His girlfriend whispered loudly in her annoying accent.
Roy's smirk just grew and he shook his head. "No love, let's see what she does."
After years and years of trying to make Riza jealous, he had finally made her jealous! Maybe now she would clearly hint that she wanted him to ask her out!
The angry Hawkeye ignored what his girlfriend said and continued on screaming at Roy.
"No way! No way! I think you need a new one!"
"Such as?" Roy asked, deeply hoping that her answer would be 'me' or at least directing towards that.
"I could be your girlfriend!" Riza answered, now at his table.
She continued on speaking what was on her mind melodiously.
"Hey, hey! You, you! I know that you like me!"
Roy was surprised by that, though he hardly showed it. Did she really know or was she just turning uncharacteristically over-confident?
"No way! No way! No, it's not a secret. Hey, hey! You, you! I want to be your girlfriend!"
Roy's girlfriend unwrapped her arms from Roy's arm and crossed her arms across her chest.
"Well-uhh, you caaaan't be his for he's miiiiiiiiine-uh."
Riza ignored what his girlfriend said and continued on saying what was on her mind. She never let out her feelings so clearly before and it felt really good, so she continued on doing it.
"You're so fine, I want you mine." She pulled his girlfriend out of the booth and sat beside Roy, then wrapped her arm around his shoulders and looked straight into his eyes.
"You're so delicious, I think about ya all the time. You're so addictive, don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright?"
The Colonel's girlfriend growled and stomped her foot on the ground. She was about to pull Riza's hair, but Black Hayate ran over to the mad girlfriend and bit her foot.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
Roy had a mixture of a grin and a smirk on his face, then continued on listening to Riza. Her arm around his shoulders felt good and gave him an urge to kiss her, though he knew that he couldn't do that just yet.
"AND HELL YEAH, I'M THE MOTHERFUCKING PRINCESS!" Riza yelled, making many heads turn toward her because of her profane language.
Riza quieted down for the other people's sakes and whispered,"I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right."
Roy's girlfriend was weeping silently to herself for her expensive looking shoes now had a bite mark and because of the pain that Black Hayate's bite brought to her, but Roy and Riza clearly didn't care.
"ROOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA..." She moaned loudly.
Roy ignored her and said in a somewhat commanding tone,"Go on, Hawkeye."
"She's, like, so whatever." Riza was about to continue on her strange rant, but his girlfriend interrupted.
"NAWWWWWWW!" That meant 'no' in Roy's girlfriend's horribly annoying accent.
Riza cleared her throat and continued on. "You could do so much better."
Roy chuckled, but then continued on staying silent in order to listen to his love that clearly loved him as well.
"I think that we should get together NOW and that's what everyone's talking about!"
The waitress finally came with Riza's coffee and sweatdropped at what was happening.
"Here you go!" She quickly handed the coffee to Riza and then darted away from her.
Riza rolled her eyes, then stood up and continued on expressing her feelings in her odd way.
She looked at him and said,"I can see the way, I can see the way you look at me."
She turned around on her heel, then started walking away from him. The blonde turned around to glance at Roy for a moment, then started ranting again.
"And even when you look away, I know you think of me." Well, Riza didn't know that for sure, but she was feeling very over-confident so she supposed that he did.
Riza grabbed her chair, then put it down beside the booth where Roy and his girlfriend were.
"I know you talk about me all the time again."
The Second Lieutenant actually grabbed her Colonel by the collar and pulled him over to her, clearly startling him.
"So come over here, tell me what I want to hear." Riza began with gritted teeth. She glanced at Roy's girlfriend that had started to weep again and roughly pushed him aside, then exclaimed,"Better yet, make her disappear!"
"I don't want to hear you say her name and again and again and AGAIN!"
Hawkeye started twirling her finger and sat on the booth, besides the Colonel who had regained his posture.
"In a second, you'll be wrapped around my finger. 'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better."
She edged slightly closer to him and hissed,"There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?"
Riza stood up this time and glared at his girlfriend, then yelled,"SHE'S SO STUPID, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!"
Roy's smirk that seemed like a grin turned into his trademark smirk and he answered,"I was thinking of making you jealous and revealing your feelings to me... Though not this dramatically."
Hawkeye blushed and then burst out in laughter. Roy stared at her in confusion for a moment, but then started laughing as well.
The two of them laughed hysterically for quite a while and once they had stopped, they discovered that Roy's girlfriend was gone.
"Is this the first time any girl's dumped you, Colonel?" Riza asked.
Roy looked at her with a smirk and replied,"My secret."
Riza suddenly realized exactly what she had done and blushed a cute shade of crimson on her cheeks and started sipping her coffee. Black Hayate walked over to his owner and laid down next to her feet.
The Colonel wrapped his arms around hers and rested his chin on her shoulder.
"Don't tell me after all that you have done, you won't ask me whether I want to be your boyfriend or not?"
The Second Lieutenant stopped sipping her coffee and the cute shade of crimson on her cheeks grew a bit, but she regained her dignity and asked,"Well, would you like to be my boyfriend?"
"Yes." Mustang whispered in Hawkeye's ear.
Riza turned her head slightly to look at Roy, then realized that he was now resting his head on her shoulders. Before she could either make him get his head off her shoulders or turn back around, the ladies man suddenly planted his lips on hers and kissed her very passionately.
Riza blushed terribly when the kiss was over and Roy actually didn't smirk, he grinned.
"You liked it that much, Hawkeye?" He asked with a mischievious glint in his eyes. "I'll do it again."
Hawkeye suddenly stopped blushing and grinned, then replied,"No, I'LL do it again." She kissed Roy even more passionately and when she stopped, Roy just smiled and stood up.
He held his hand out for her and said,"I shall either escort you to my house or to yours."
"It's too early for that." Hawkeye growled, knowing exactly what the man wanted.
She grinned after that and commanded,"Don't escort me to my doorstep, carry me."
The Colonel chuckled but obeyed his Second Lieutenant's order and lifted her into his arms, then walked out of the Cafe with Black Hayate right beside him.
"Yes, my Princess."
Day: Friday... Roy and Riza's best day ever.
Time: When they've got each other, time isn't important at all.
Their true feelings: LOVE.
AN: So, didcha like it, didcha not like it? That was weird, wasn't it? Oh, have any of you people tried Watermelon Twizzlers before? They're pretty good. D