A/N: Hey guys, I'm really sorry about this, but the amazing catspats31 has informed me that you are not, in fact, allowed to post song lyrics directly on the site (something I probably should've known, but didn't, mostly because I'm completely oblivious to basically everything.) So I'd like to thank catspats31 for telling me before I was exiled from FFN forevermore, and also beg the wonderful people who run FFN not to kick me out.

This is a song-fic, and I still ask you to go and listen to Bat Out Of Hell - Meatloaf, which is still an awesome song. However the lyrics to said song have been removed, and it still works fine as is.

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT, never have, never will, but that doesn't stop me being insanely jealous of Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman for coming up with such a genius idea.

Warning: Turtle vomit, gratuitous violence, A LOT OF CHARACTER DEATH, I WARNED YOU!

Damned With You

It had happened so suddenly; the way the world fell apart. The shadow of a man fell twisted on the brickwork wall, a pretty little switchblade held to a pretty little neck. A low keening growl erupted from Raphael's chest, tearing up his throat and battering at the cage of his gritted teeth. Sais were ripped from Raph's side, just like everything else had been - and he threw one straight into the shadow-man's jugular. Raph ran forward and stabbed the man again. And again, and again, and blood spurted and ribs cracked and flesh was flayed. A sob cracked like glass in Raph's mouth, and as the red haze settled, thunderclouds rolled in over the landscape of his mind. He saw lightning. And then, he saw black.

It had happened so suddenly.

Raphael awoke in a bathtub of warm water. It turned darker red, shade by shade, with every pass of the cloth in April's hand. Casey's muscular arm was hooked across Raph's chest, the only thing that kept him from drowning.

"I'm so glad we found you." April smiled, the tear-trails cracking on her pale face.

"What were you thinking?" Casey growled.

Thousands of images sent tendrils through his brain. Mikey's smile branded white-hot against the flank of the night sky, an indelible mark tattooed into Raph's skin. Don's arms draped over his shoulders as Raph carried him out of the lab; a babe in arms. Leo's warm voice lacing around his neck, a velvet collar that leashed him to safety.

Raph lurched out of the water, ran to the toilet, and vomited.

Casey's hand lay heavy on the edge of his carapace. It was a solid weight, a tangible reason for the way Raphael felt crushed. Bile coated the whole inside of his mouth, and he retched again, but the pain he was trying to vomit back up refused to budge. April put him to rest on their living room couch, Casey fussing over the blanket, and he batted away their concern like he batted away their hands. Raph forced himself to breathe evenly, closing his eyes and letting his limbs go limp. It took hours, but they finally left him alone. Raph slipped from the couch in a slick of cold sweat and ragged breaths. He slit the window open, and stepped onto the fire escape.

Raphael could've left hours ago - days ago, actually. But he'd stayed. For April and Casey. Raph closed the window. As he threw himself astride Casey's bike, he thought of his family.

He was coming for them.

Raph drove the roads through New York City faster than breakneck, the engine gasping for oil as much as he was gasping for air. He could see needles winking in the filth as he sped by, trash in trailers and trailer-trash. Twisting the throttle right towards him, he flew towards the old farmhouse, shredding asphalt as city turned to country. But no matter how fast he went, no matter how angrily the engine snarled, Raph could still feel the past catching up to him. Three weeks ago, he thought. Three weeks ago, when he came back to a cold and hollow lair. Three weeks ago, when he hunched in a corner with their masks tied around his arm. Three weeks ago, when he woke up strapped to a bed, even though his only crime was to try and follow them.

Three weeks ago, when his brothers had left him.

Of course, it wasn't as if Raph didn't know where they'd gone. His brothers had gone to see Master Splinter. Raphael blinked viciously against the hotness pricking at his eyes. Splinter was dead now. Lying six feet under outside the farmhouse, under the willow tree he had once led training under. Bend, not break, my son, Raph could hear his voice now, just like the willow; warm as a blanket wrapped around a newborn, gentle as fingers smoothing the pain out of a bruise. In the end, it had not been Shredder to fell the ninja master - not Bishop or the Foot Elite, and not even Hun. Just a cough, a fever, a sickness, and the frailties of old age. Raphael remembered the helplessness. There was nothing he could do, no-one he could fight, no blow for him to take for his father. And although all four brothers had moved heaven and earth, it was to no avail. It was just meant to be.

Raph hadn't gone back to pay his respects since the funeral. There was too much pain there. Too many regrets. And now his brothers had left without him. Raph could see it now, the three of them side by side next to Splinter's grave. Raphael felt the tears cloud his vision once more.

And this time, he let them fall.

Raph skidded around a corner, and uphill along the pot-holed roads. Time slowed down, and the brand of Mikey's smile seared, and Don's breath warm and sleepy against his neck, and Leo's voice held him back, next to his family, where he belonged. Raph let out a snarl of grief. The thin fence on the edge of the road flashed past. Three weeks ago, he thought. When he came back to a lair that was cold, and hollow, and covered in blood. And Don was lying across Mikey, but both of them, God, both of them weren't moving. When ninjas littered the floor like broken dolls, and he ran to Leo's side, and the sword in his chest should've been for Raph. "You're the strongest person I know." He'd said.

Three weeks ago, when he woke up strapped to a bed, even though his only crime was the slits across his wrists. Raph could see it now, the three of them side by side next to Splinter's grave, sleeping under gravestones of their own. Up ahead, he could see the gravel road leading to the farmhouse. On the other side of the road, a steep drop, rocks and jagged edges the whole way down. "You're the strongest person I know." He'd said. "No," Raph had sobbed,"I'm not."

"If I'm gonna be damned," Raph whispered, "I'm gonna be damned with you."

And with that, Raphael wrenched at the throttle. Heaved the bike sideways.

And flew off the edge of the cliff.