A/N: I was watching Let's Go To Prison, I loved it, I'm obsessed with APH, so this happened! Less plot and more sex than the movie though, haha. None in this chapter though..well, not really.

Please enjoy~ I don't own the movie plot or the characters.

Alfred paced the tiny cell, his clean hands nervously running through his hair and on his face.

"No, no, no, what are we gonna do, Ivan!"

"Nothing."

Alfred stopped pacing to look at him in disbelief.

"Naw, man, we gotta do something, I can't be in here, broski, it's not on my agenda. We gotta get out, we gotta get out.."

"Just sit down, already..Damn.." Ivan lay on the bottom bunk and stretched a bit. Alfred sunk into the rusty stool next to the bed.

"So..That's it. We just..Give up."

"Boy..There's a difference between giving up.. And accepting then adapting to your surroundings to your advantage."

"Wh-What?"

"You've never been to prison before, have you.."

"Not since the fifties.."
"For?"

Alfred stayed quiet for a few moments and twiddled his thumbs. "Participating in an equal rights protest.."

"And you stayed in /jail/ for a few nights in a giant cell on your own until Papa Arthur came along and bailed you out, only giving you a slap on the wrists, right?"

Alfred was quiet again. Then came the waterworks.

"Alfred, really…"

"Shut up, commie!"

He let him cry it out and calm down.

"A man told me this once; What you learn from the outside is how to be a human being. In here, you're just a piece of meat, waiting to get in the grinder. Right now, you're fresh, soft meat. You have to show these assholes that you're the most rotten, disgusting meat there is."

"Hey, I think I've heard a guy say that in a movie once.."

"Well the director copied one of the smartest men in Russia.." Ivan chuckled and sat up on his elbow and smirked, eyeing the younger man trembling next to him.

"Turn your back to me for a second."

"Why, so you can stab it!"

"Just do it, damn, Alfred."

Alfred turned his back to Ivan with a low growl, showing his last name in Cryllic letters printed on his back.

"Mm. Looks good."

"Are you talking about my—"

"Nametag? Da, I am. Makes me feel…closer to you. Like we've—"

" 'Become one?' Yeah, I know. Get over it.."

Alfred and Ivan were only innocent victims of coincidence. One second you're shopping for some guns, some go off near you in a robbery, you're guilty of shooting up the place.

Or something like that.

"So..What do we do now?" Alfred looked at Ivan expectantly as he turned to face him.

"..We're doing it."

"We just sit here!"

"Da..be happy we weren't sent to the Gulag."

Alfred nodded. "Still.."

"Still nothing. Just let things go like they're supposed to and play it cool. I'll show you the ropes, we can get out of here."

"You make it sound like you've been here before."

"Plenty of times. I got out on my own within 8 months each time. Together, we'll be out in six."

Alfred looked like he wanted to cry again..And then he did.

"Now, now, Alfred, you can't cry.." Ivan swung his legs off to the floor and held Alfred's face in his big hands.

"Arthur says that crying is good for you—"

"I didn't ask." Ivan interrupted. "You need to toughen up, fast. Now, show me your tough face."

Alfred sniffled, his blue eyes gushing with waterfalls still, but they stopped coming as he attempted to make another face.

"Do it, Jones."

Alfred slowly made a grimace..Then his bottom lip jutted to the side in a Rocky fashion, and he brought up his shaky fists.

Ivan frowned.

"You look like to have to shit, Alfred! Damn…We'll….We'll work on that. Da."

"Hey, Braginski, got some mail for ya." A tan man with a thick Spanish accent tapped their cell bars with a tied stack of mail. "It's been too long, man!"

"I know, but I told you I'd come back, brother!" Ivan shook his hand through the bars. Antonio slipped something into Ivan's mail, making his smile widen.

"Ah, thanks a shitload, Antonio, I owe you one.." Ivan got his mail and winked at him.

"Man, it's no problem, I saved it for you! Hey, who's the new guy?"

"I'd like you to meet Alfred F. Jones." Ivan said, gesturing to Alfred with a graceful wave of his hand.

Alfred tried his tough face on the Spanish man.

"Hey, bro, you might wanna watch him close.. He looks like he has to take a massive shit.."

"Nyet, it's his tough face."

Antonio laughed his ass off at that.

"Ahh, bro! That's so fucking hilarious! Hey, Jones, do it again!" He smiled from behind his mustache, earning a glare from the young American.

"Ahh, whatever, you'll learn, Jones. Well, see ya later, bros! Buenas suerte~" Antonio continued to push his cart down their hallway, whistling a folk tune.

"You have friends here!"

"You'll get some too." Ivan smirked, looking through his mail. "Plenty of friends." With that little body of his, he'd make plenty of good, good friends.

"So..what's your present?"

"Hm?"

"From ….Mario earlier!" Alfred recalled irritably.

"Hey, don't make fun of him! He gets me some good stuff in return for things I find.." Ivan pulled out a dirty magazine and made a soft "Ooh~" sound with a raised eyebrow as he inspected the cover, sitting on the bottom bunk.

Two twin officers banged on the cell door, smirking.

"Alright, ladies, lunch time!" He had an Italian accent. The way he screamed made him sound like a mafia boss..

His brother just swung his baton around, laughing.

"Lunch time, Yay~!" He had the same accent of course, except he sounded a lot more feminine than his brother.

"Shut it, idiot." His older brother scolded. "Can't believe I recommended you..Why did I do it…"

"It's cuz you looooove me!"

They opened the cell doors and Ivan got up with a sigh. "Come on, let's go."

Alfred nearly jumped onto Ivan's back. He hid behind the tall man the whole walk to the cafeteria.

The room was full of giant, hairy, muscular men and women. Alfred was about to ask why both genders were present, but Ivan answered his question as he opened his mouth to ask it.

"My country didn't feel the need to make a separate building for the women, so we all stay together, except in the showers and our cells. They have the opposite side of the building." They got their trays of food and turned to the tables behind them.

"O-Oh..That makes sense.." Not really.

A pretty girl looked up at him, her lips dark red with dark brown lip-liner. Her long tan hair was pulled up into a loose ponytail and she worse a big orange flower clip in her bangs to match the uniforms they all had. She had her uniform sleeves rolled up to her shoulders, exposing some pretty good muscles. Considering the gorillas that infested the place, she was smokin' hot.

She was filing her nails before she looked up at him and got up to greet them. Her friends looked at him too, looking the men up an down, a few giggling, a few sneering.

"Ivan, you're back, huh?" She spoke up, chewing gum like crazy as she ruffled Ivan's hair. What was she, his den mother or something?

"Da, I got in trouble with this guy." Ivan put an arm around Alfred's shoulders. "Jones here helped me shoot up this ammo place. Ironic, right?"

"Hey ,you gotta do whatchya gotta do for money, man. So! How do you like it here, pretty boy?" She asked Alfred loudly.

"I-It's uh.." He shrugged. "Prison. Like I've always imagined it."

She laughed, her hands on her hips. She had fingerless gloves on, calluses and tattoos, two words in another language, on her knuckles.

Oh, shit..Better not piss her off..

"He's a keeper! Good for you, Ivan. It's nice to see you passing on your knowledge to the newbies. I'll catchya later, alright, babe?"

"Da."

The turned to Alfred, smirking, in a friendly way. "My name is Eliza. Find me if you wanna have a good time." She emphasized with her fist punching into her palm. "A real, good time, if you know what I mean."

"Y-Yeah! I understand..!" He blushed, having no idea what the hell she meant by that, but immediately thinking in a sexual way.

" It means I'll back you up in a fight, what the hell did you think it meant!"

"Nothing!"

"Just tuggin' your nuts, Jones, calm down!" She laughed loudly again, Alfred only chuckling meekly.

She gave Alfred a kiss on the cheek, getting a death glare from some big blonde guy from the corner table, and sat with her friends again.

"I-Ivan, who's that.."

"Oh, him? I don't remember his name..But don't get any ideas, you wouldn't stand a chance against him if you fought him now.. Now sit your tiny ass down, people are staring." Obviously.

They ate together, Ivan pointing out the top dogs here and there, making sure Alfred understood who was who before he started shit.

"Oh yeah, Ludwig. That's his name."

"Ludwig..?"

"Da, he takes what he wants, when he wants, and it's cool with you, alright?" He emphasized with a point of his fork.

"Um..Alright.."

He could see Ludwig glaring at them again. He had his sleeves ripped off at the shoulders, his uniform a faded orange. His muscles were lined with tattoos and he had a scar on his cheek. His piercing blue eyes and slicked back, bright blonde hair made him stick out, but no one made fun of him.

"Alfred, see the clock?"

He looked around and nodded, spotting it. It was almost noon, pretty much on the dot. "Yeah? So?"

"At noon, stand up from your seat."

"What..?"

Ivan suddenly got up with the rest of the cafeteria and Ludwig slammed a guy into their table right in front of Alfred, stabbing him repeatedly into the chest, screaming German.

"What the hell!" Alfred screamed, a huge mob of prisoners starting to yell and cheer on the killing.

Ludwig backed off, finished with the job, and dropped his rusty knife as some cops ran in and restrained him. He put up no fight.

Alfred was the only one sitting down, still shocked.

"You!" An officer pointed to Alfred. "Who started this!"

"U-Um..him.." He pointed to Ludwig. Ludwig growled as he was taken out. "You're gonna fucking pay, kid!" He screamed at him.

After lunch, Ivan and Alfred went into the showers. As he nervously looked around and washed himself, He saw Ivan get under the showerhead next to him and turn it on. He looked down and nervously stuttered.

"I-Ivan, what—"

"What? I'm average size in my country."

THAT was NOT average. It was a fucking dinosaur..snake…thing!

"Fucking Russians.." He mumbled, looking away. He put his hair under the water and noticed Ivan looking at HIS snake.

"Wow."

"I'm average for my country.."

"Poor Americans.." Ivan rubbed some liquid soap onto his chest with a smirk.

"Allo, petit lapin~ Are you new here?" a man called from behind.

Alfred realized he was the one he was talking to and nervously turned to see a lean, older man with annoying stubble and shiny blonde hair.
"Y-Yes, I'm new here. So what." Alfred struggled to stand up against this guy. They were naked, after all, and this guy suddenly started speaking alien to him..

The man gave him a low chuckle, rubbing his chin with his thumb in thought and consideration. He looked him up and down.

"How about I show you around? Maybe I can give you a tour of my cell, we can get to know each other~"

"Hey, back off, France-ass!" Ivan pulled Alfred back to him, his back slammed against Ivan's soapy chest. " He's my bitch. MINE. He's mine and always will be. Make sure you do your research before stealing someone else's fucktoy, you prick."

"Alright, alright, Ivan, I'll lay off..But.." He turned back to Alfred. "Just in case you get tired of him, my cell is number 469, if you want a.." He sneered at Ivan. "Change."

"I said back off! He's fucking mine!" Ivan slapped Alfred's ass, earning a yipe, and massaged the hurt cheek. "Mine, you hear me?" Ivan slipped a finger between the cheeks, making Alfred squirm in place.

The Frenchman glared and finally walked off with his nose in the air. Alfred noticed a long, thorny rose tattoo from his lower back to his neck along his spine. That looks kinda cool..never wanna see it again..

Ivan pulled his hand away and patted Alfred's shoulder.

"Ivan..Thanks for saving my ass..Literally, but..Did you have to use a finger?" He nervously turned his head to face him.

"Nyet." Ivan replied bluntly.

"Oh…thanks." He signed, wanting to shoot himself.

The cells were still open.

"Hey, I gotta get a smoke from somebody, be right back." Ivan quickly left, leaving Alfred defenseless.

"Shit man, hurry back.." He whispered.

Ivan leaned on one of the bathroom walls in the showers, where Francis was still lurking, whispering into his ear.

"Mon dieu, no fucking way in hell! He's not worth it, Ivan."

"He's fucking tight, Francis, come on. I really need this."

"That's not all I care about!" Francis said defensively. Ivan only gave him an eyebrow raise.

"Well, alright..But only one pack."

"Three, bitch!" Ivan shoved his shoulder a bit.

"Ivan, you're really—"

"I guess I'm having a damn good time tonight~" Ivan stood up and started to walk away.

"Oui, three it is!" Francis desperately went through a bag of his, taking out three new packs of cigarettes.

"Excellent~" Ivan snatched them away. "He's all yours, have fun~"

"He better be worth it.."

"Ivan needs to hurry up…"

"Telegram for Mr. Jones." A young man said.

Alfred looked up to question the voice but he was interrupted by a bag coming down over his head. He screamed and kicked and fought the whole way he was dragged down the concrete hallways. The man stopped dragging and tossed him into a cell, making him hit his head on the floor. He let out a sob and jumped at the sound of an angry Frenchman.

"Sacre bleu! I fucking told you to not hurt him! Listen to him, he is crying! I'm going to kill you later, idiot!"

The bag was taken off of him and Francis was looking down at him with admiration and sympathy. Alfred gave him a polite smile.

"Bonjour, Monsieur Jones~" He helped him up. "You'll have to excuse my friend's rough personality..He is quite a sweet man on the inside.."

I bet.."I-It's fine, really—"

"Non, you just hit your head. Sit down, relax." Alfred was going to politely refuse but a hand pushed him to sit down on the bunk bed. It was draped in shiny materials and jewels and charms, pillows were silk, the sheets were normal but there was a silk cover, which he was sitting on. Its' deep red color matched the pillows and some of the drapery's oranges and pinks. Francis closed a peach-colored curtain over the cell door.

"Now that we have a bit of privacy.."

"S-Sir, I really need to get back to Ivan—"

"Drink this." A wine glass was thrust into his face. "Glass..?"

"Oui, I know people." He turned on some Christmas lights that hung all around the cell, making them look like tiny white stars in and out of the fabrics hanging above his head.

Alfred looked at his drink..It smelled like ammonia and..Fish? He wasn't sure.

"I made it myself. It's a personal wine mix. Try it."

Alfred took a closer look at the man's arms, wondering how strong he really was.

"I said to try it." Francis repeated darkly.

"I-I spaced out, I'm sorry, I just—" He was stopped with a finger to his lips.

"Calm down..Just try it."

Alfred decided to not get beaten up and drank the "wine". It seemed to rot his tongue and set his innards on fire. He choked out a little.

"Oui, it takes some getting used to."

"H-How did you make—"

"I used the toilet."

Alfred nearly puked on the silk pillows after that. Ohhhh god… He finished his glass anyway, gulping it down. Once he was used to it, Francis set his glass down and gently laid Alfred onto his back. He let out a whimper.

"Non, do not be afraid, mon petit lapin~" He hovered over him and rubbed a finger back and forth on his bottom lip.

"P-Please, I'm not that kind of guy!"

"What about Ivan? You are partners…are you not? Because..if you weren't, I'd have to kill you."

Alfred swallowed what pride he had left and turned his head away.

"It's too soon." How about THAT? He silently congratulated himself.

"It's never too soon to make love~"

God, it was gonna be a long, long six months..

A/N: Thank you for reading! I wanted to do something new.

...So should I have them do it?

It's totally nonconsensual, of course. (I'm not a fan of francexus, but I'll write it for the story if you guys think I should!)

Ivan is a bastard, isn't he? ;D