Thanks to ariestess and write_read_play for all the encouragement and help with this.
Uses Prompts 12, 35, 14, 7, 5, 33, 43, 46, 44,
June 1797
Robin Hamilton is staring at his wife, as he often does. She is fully concentrated on an article in the paper, stopping every few paragraphs to underline and scoff at points as she composes her response. He laughs a little as she tries and fails to rest the newspaper on her ever-growing belly. She gives him a slight glare for laughing at her before returning to her task.
There is something about the way Regina looks with a quill that he finds incredibly sexy. Especially now, heavily pregnant with their sixth child. He knows she thinks she looks like a beached whale but he finds her absolutely adorable. He loves to feel their child inside her, knowing that they created that life. And if this child has even a fraction of her smile or a fragment of her mind they will be unstoppable.
He hopes for another girl, a passionate fiery spirit like mother, aunt, and sister. Regina wants another boy, so that they don't have to face any obstacles in their path because of their gender. And he understands that, knows if it's a son they will have an easier time but they have four boys already and it's time Angelica had a little sister to dote on. She hid her disappointment well when Henry and Roland were born but had let out an exasperated another boy when she found out the gender of their newest sibling, John. Robin had shared her frustration, and this time, much to Regina's consternation, had refused to discuss boys' names with her. She had laughed at him, told him refusing to discuss it wouldn't change the baby's gender, as if he wasn't already aware of that.
He watches as she looks up, not actually looking at anything, with a quizzical expression and he can see the thoughts flowing as she frantically writes out what is likely a scathing dissent to the newspaper article. He doesn't even know what she's reading, but knows that he will be hearing all about it soon. He loves when she is all fired up, passionate, ranting. She gets this glean in her eyes when she's discussing something she really cares about that never fails to make him smile.
She is the smartest person he has ever met in his life. And while some (many) men are intimidated by it, he loves it. He's been told many times he should control his wife and temper her opinions, that it is shameful for her to be so bold. He wishes he could beat those backward views out of people, but it's a battle he cannot win. Regina says she doesn't mind, is happy to advance her agenda through him, but it bothers Robin that he gets credit for her brilliance. It's unfair that, because she was born a woman, she is seen as lesser, disrespected for having opinions when her opinions are vastly more well informed than anyone he has ever met.
He wouldn't have accomplished much of anything without her. It was her ideas, her writings that got him invited to the constitutional convention, her ideas that he read and debated. Her idea to create a national bank, but because she is a woman, it all had to go through him. He takes a bit of comfort from the fact that they sign all of their correspondence and writings with R. Hamilton, which may someday provide her the credit she so deserves. Many people think she simply scribes for him and that's why most of their writings appear in her much nicer hand. Even among those who have heard her speak some still choose to pretend it is all him.
Robin never imagined himself as a member of government, as participating in the creation of a new nation. He had been a revolutionary, of course, dedicated to the cause of freeing America, but his skills were in battle. That's not to say he isn't smart or educated, he is, but his biggest contribution to the war was stealing the british canons and debating battle strategies. It was then that General and now President Rumple Washington took notice of Robin and later his wife. While working for Washington Regina showed them the power of the quill and Robin and Regina began publishing together. She wrote most things that are credited to him and at first had sought his approval for anything not published under a pseudonym, but had soon realized he would support anything she wished to say.
She wrote and wrote and wrote, and he had many times asked her how she was able to write so much, his wife was non-stop. She would spend all day with their children and then her nights were spent reading, writing, and planning social events. Even those who were unaware of her time spent writing were in awe of all she accomplished.
It had sometimes caused a strain on their marriage when she worked too hard, but Robin couldn't and wouldn't fault her for that anymore. He had done far worse to their marriage, and after what he had done, realizing he might lose it all, the fact that he was sometimes not a priority stopped bothering him. He lived with his guilt over what he had done and from that day on, he had vowed to be the perfect husband, to always support his wife and make sure her voice was heard and her plans were orchestrated.
Things had been good since then, very good. Regina had slowed down a bit and allowed him to resign from government three years prior, after the Whiskey Rebellion and the loss of their baby. She blamed herself for the miscarriage, for working too hard. While the loss was devastating, it allowed both of them to step back and focus more on their family. In coming to terms with it, they grew closer and their marriage stronger. Regina spent fewer nights foregoing sleep, and more in their bed sleeping in his arms. It was what he had always wanted, but had been pushed aside because of Regina's ambitions.
Now they were able to spend quiet nights together, sometimes both pouring over the newspaper or a book, and then there were other nights, like tonight, where he was content just watching his wife work. So intent and concentrated she didn't notice his staring until he moved to read over her shoulder.
She looked up at that and smiled as he placed a chaste kiss on her cheek, circling his arms around her stomach feeling the baby, before asking her "What has Burr done now?"
She chuckled at that "It's not him this time, this is a lovely piece espousing the virtues of slavery."
"Need any help with the response?" he asks as she moves over giving him space to settle in beside her.
"I'd love that, why don't you read it and tell me what you think."
He has just grabbed the paper from her, settled in comfortably resting one hand on her bump and the other holding the paper other when he hears a knock at the door.
"Are we expecting anyone?," he asks and she shakes her head no, moving to get up but he stops her. "I'll get it, you keep working." He expects a protest, because, as she constantly reminds him, she's pregnant not an invalid, but she seems content to let him go this time.
He opens his door to find Thomas Jefferson, Hades Burr, and George Madison. He racks his brain to see if there is some reason for their presence, if Regina had slammed the Democratic Republicans lately or any of them personally but he comes up with nothing.
"Mr. Vice-President, Mr. Madison and… Burr, might I ask why you've graced us with your presence?"
"We have something we need to discuss with you, Mr. Hamilton, in private," says George Madison.
"Mr. Madison, you know if you have something to say about the Hamiltons, you should say it to both of us." Robin hides his smirk at the scorned look on Mr. Madison's face. George Madison has always tried to minimize Regina's influence on Robin, once offering to subdue her for him. After Robin vehemently refused, Madison had taken to pretending Regina didn't exist and had refused to speak with either of them for some time until he eventually got over himself.
Robin takes the men into the sitting room where Regina has already claimed a spot.
"So what is this visit regarding, gentlemen?" she asks.
Jefferson starts, "We are here to warn you that we have evidence against you, Mr. Hamilton."
Regina opens her mouth to speak, but shuts it when Robin says, "You are going to have to be more specific as I have no idea what you are referring to."
"Nor do I-" Regina adds, before she is cut off by Madison's exclamation, "We have the cheque stubs from separate accounts, almost 1000 dollars paid in different amounts to a Mr. Walsh Reynolds way back in 1791."
All of the colour drains out of his face. Robin's stomach drops, he begins to sweat, and feels like he might vomit. The room is closing in on him as feelings of guilt, despair, and self-loathing flood him. This is his worst fear realized, his life and more importantly, his marriage are about to be ruined. All because he was too weak, too stupid to resist Zelena Reynolds all those years ago. He can't bear to look at Regina, knowing what's about to happen will ruin them; he is an absolute disgrace, a horrible husband. How could he have done this to his amazing wife? He's disgusting, trash, a poor excuse for a man. And it is all made worse because he has been hiding it from her. Lying to himself that this would never come out. Telling himself it was better this way, as he selfishly basked in his wife's attention.
He tries to hide the terror that he is feeling, but can tell he is not doing it well. He thought he was safe, had paid that money to protect Regina from the truth, from the knowledge of what a terrible husband he was. He has wanted to tell her so many times, but had convinced himself that he should take this secret to his grave so as to not break her heart. He doesn't know what these men have, knows they probably don't know what they are asking of him, but if they do know then… oh god. He cannot tell Regina like this, will not tell her like this. She deserves so much more than that, more than the sorry excuse of a man he is.
His panic is interrupted by Regina asking, "Robin, what are they talking about?"
And he hates himself for doing it but he begs her, "Could you give us a minute, Regina? I'll explain everything later I promise." He is praying she will do as he asks. He really should tell her now, tell her first, but he will not break her heart in front of these men who already scorn and mock her. And he knows they will not give the two of them the time they need to discuss this.
She looks torn, clearly wants to stay, but sees the pleading look he shoots her and she reluctantly relents, making her way out of the room.
"Hiding things from your wife, are you?" sneers Madison, making clear his hatred of Regina.
Robin wants to bite back, say something to defend himself, but that's exactly what he's doing. He feels sick from the guilt, so instead he asks "Is that what you have?"
Jefferson says "You are uniquely situated by virtue of your position, though virtue is not a word I'd apply to this situation. To seek financial gain to stray from your sacred nation and the evidence suggests you engaged in speculation."
Robin's eyebrows raise. So that's what they think they have. He knows, in their minds anyway, a charge of speculation is far worse than what actually occurred. He knows that Regina will not want their family legacy tainted by this untrue accusation, knows that he will have to tell her the full story and that she will never forgive him for what he did, and she shouldn't; he destroyed them six years ago and has been playing with fire ever since, is lucky this didn't come out sooner. He is disgusted with himself for what he did and for keeping it from her, and that dark part of him still wants to keep it from her, to reap her love and affection for as long as he can, even though he does not and has not deserved it or her for a long time.
Burr is clearly delighted by this turn of events and tells him, "An immigrant embezzling a government fund, I can almost see the headline. Your career is done."
Madison jumps in at that and says, "I hope you saved some money for your daughter and sons, ya best run back where you came from."
Robin tries to calm his mind, reminds himself he has to deal with these men before he can tell his wife. "You don't even know what you're asking me to confess. You have nothing. I don't have to tell you anything at all."
Burr gleefully points out, "Then why did you ask your wife to leave?"
He hates himself for saying it, but tells them, "If I can prove that I never broke the law, do you promise not to tell another soul what you saw?" Even though his marriage will be ruined, he wants to save Regina from the public humiliation as best as he can. It really is the least he can do, and she deserves so much more than that, deserves a better husband, better man, better life, but he cannot change the past and must take responsibility for what happened. But he will try his hardest to make sure the consequences don't fall onto Regina, won't have more whispers about her, more fuel for the ones who call her cold and unfeeling because they don't understand how a woman can have a brain.
No one says anything so Robin asks, "Is that a yes?"
They all nod and then verbalize, "Yes."
He grabs the letter and passes it to Jefferson, who begins to read it as Robin starts his story.
May 1791
It's midnight when Robin says "Regina, darling, you are working too hard, take a break, I have something I want to discuss with you."
"I just need to do a little more," she says, not bothering to look up at him.
He moves closer to her, insistent. "Regina, you need to take a break."
She finally looks up at him and tells him plainly, "No. What I need is to get my plan through congress. You'll lose your job if I don't get this plan through congress."
He is well aware of that fact and finally verbalizes what he's been thinking. "Would that really be so bad? Regina, your plan is brilliant, but I hate what this is doing to you. I've barely seen you in the last couple months. You spend all day teaching the children and then all night writing, my love you need to get some sleep."
She is obviously thrown by that and has to take a second before she responds. "Robin, how can you say that? Yes, it would be bad if you lost your job. We can do so much for this country with the power you have, but you need to keep it."
Robin knows that, wants them to have these opportunities, but she is working herself to death over this plan. She barely eats, is still working when he goes to bed, and is up before he gets up. He only really sees her at meal times, and then her focus is usually on the children. He can't remember the last time the two of them had a conversation that wasn't about this plan and, even if she can't see it, he knows she needs to take a break. "Regina, we can't keep this up forever, you can't keep this up forever. When was the last time you got a full night's sleep?"
She shakes her head at that, and he can see the exhaustion setting in as she quietly admits, "It has been a while."
"You need sleep, my dear, if you keep this up you're going to make yourself sick."
She sighs at that, admitting defeat. "You're right Robin, I just… I need this to work." She looks up at him seeking approval that she doesn't need and asks, "Is that wrong?"
"Of course not, my love, and you will make this work, I know you will," he says, taking her hand and stroking it lightly before pulling her up into a tight embrace, her head falling to rest on his shoulder as she breathes him in. "You are the most brilliant person I have ever met in my life, you will find a way, you always do."
He can feel her smile against his shoulder, and then she wraps her arms around his waist, moves her head so she can look at him as she asks, "What did you want to talk about?"
"I was thinking we could go upstate for the summer," he says, absently playing with a strand and of her hair that has fallen out of the updo it was in. He knows this will take some convincing, but she needs a break, and most of congress is going away for the summer anyway.
She sighs at that but doesn't move away from him, which he hopes is a good sign. "Robin, you know we can't do that, we have to be here."
She has a wistful look on her face, so he tells her what he's been fantasizing about. "No, we don't, my love, most of congress is spending the summer with their families. Just think about it: you and me together watching Daniel, Angelica, and Henry swimming."
"Mm, while Roland whines until one of us brings him in, too?"
"Exactly, my love, and we can go there together, just the two of us when the night gets dark. A summer with our family away from all the stress, where we can just enjoy everything we are so lucky to have."
She smiles, gives him a quick kiss and tells him through a yawn, "It is appealing, we should try to get away."
He grins, content with this small victory, and grabs her hand, leading her out of the study as he tells her, "We should get you to bed."
"There are some wifely duties I have been neglecting," she flirts, but it's a bit half assed because of how exhausted she is. While he will never turn down a chance to be with his wife when she wants it, he knows she is too tired to really be into it, just thinks that she should because it has been so long.
"Regina, I love you and I miss being with you, but you need to get some sleep."
"I can manage," she starts and then lets out a loud yawn.
He raises his eyebrow at that, "The only thing you should be doing is going to sleep."
"I'll never know how I got so lucky, other men wouldn't be so understanding."
"That's where you're mistaken, I'm the lucky one." She raises her eyebrows at that in disagreement, but doesn't respond, instead retiring to their bed.
"Regina, come downstairs, Mal will be here any minute," Robin bellows up the stairs as he tries to contain Daniel and Angelica's excitement. Their nine year old son and almost seven year old daughter are old enough to remember their Aunt Mal, but five year old Henry and three year old Roland are too young to remember her from her last visit in 1789, so lack their siblings excitement. Robin knows once they get to know her they will love her as much he does.
Mal, like Regina, is one of the smartest people he had ever met. Both he and Regina were devastated when Mal and her husband, John Little moved to England in 1783. They all wrote to each other constantly, but it wasn't the same. Mal is one of Robin's closest friends, a confidante, the sister he never had. John had once confided in Robin that he thought Mal had a crush on him, which became a running family joke that Robin and Mal continued to take every opportunity to fuel.
Robin sees Mal walking up as Regina comes down the stairs. Regina breaks into a sprint as she realizes Mal has arrived. They grab each other in a big hug and squeal. Robin snickers because he has heard both Regina and Mal make fun of those women.
As they pull apart Mal turns to Robin. "Robin, it's good to see your face."
Robin pulls her in for a hug and tells her, "It's good to see yours, too. Now, Mal tell my wife Leopold Adams spends the whole summer with his family."
Regina rolls her eyes at that and says to Mal, "Mal, tell this man Leopold Adams doesn't have a real job anyway."
Mal looks perplexed for a minute before she asks, "Wait, Regina, you aren't joining us?"
Regina looks down guiltily as she tells her, "I can't join you upstate right away, I have too many things to do, I'll be there as soon as I can."
"But, Regina, I came all this way."
Robin smiles at that and adds, "Yeah, Regina, she came all this way. Take a break, run away with us for the summer."
Regina sighs heavily before throwing an accusatory glare at Robin. "He's making this into a bigger deal than it is. I'll be there in one week." She turns to Robin. "And you agreed to this, so please stop with the guilt trip. I feel bad enough about leaving the children."
Robin laughs. "As I told you before, you don't need to feel guilty about that, just for abandoning your husband and sister for a whole week when they miss you terribly."
Mal adds,"Regina, you are not a bad mother for taking a week away from them, just a bad sister for taking time away from your sister when she came all the way from England."
Regina scowls teasingly at them before complaining, "I haven't missed the two of you ganging up on me."
Mal guaffs at that and tells her "And we haven't even begun, you need to toughen up little one."
Regina throws her a death glare that Mal ignores turning to greet their now very impatient children. Angelica tells Mal how excited she is for the whole family to be together and Regina's face falls slightly, her guilt returning.
He plants a soft kiss on her cheek and tells her "It's just one week darling and then we will all have the best summer yet."
A week later Robin receives a letter from Regina, courtesy of the maid she sent in her stead, that reads:
My dearest,
I know we agreed I would only stay a week but I am so close to working this out I'm going to stay just one more week. After that I promise no more work, I will shift my focus to you and the children.
All my love,
Regina
He wonders bitterly if he will ever truly have Regina's focus. Her and the children are enough for him, but not for her. She's not satisfied by a quiet life just enjoying their family and all that they have. He wonders, not for the first time, if anything will ever be enough to satisfy her. They should be enough, but he's not sure they ever will be. It hurts that she is able to push him aside so easily for her work. All he wants is just bit of her time, something she seems intent on giving to everyone but him.
She leaves it to him to tell the children and he knows they will be very disappointed. They had organized a picnic at the park for her arrival. And Robin had planned to whisk her back to the park at night for a walk in the moonlight and some much needed alone time, but apparently she did not share his desire to spend time together. He knows he should get over it, she said only one more week, but he can't help remembering the last time she promised him just one week and how easily she broke that promise.
He waits all that week for another letter saying she'll be delayed and is ecstatic when none arrives. He feels like an over excited child all day as he waits impatiently for his wife to arrive. He cannot wait to hold her in his arms, to finally have time to just relax and enjoy each other once their children are asleep. He's been craving the simple pleasure of waking up with her beside him, with no tasks to draw her out of bed at an ungodly hour.
She comes in and he waits as she greets the children, longing to have her to himself but comforting himself with the fact that they will have time together later. And though he wants to, he will not take her away from their children, who have been missing their mother.
She turns to him, cuddling Roland in her arms and tells him excitedly "Robin I was able to get Jefferson and Madison to agree to meet with you, all you have to do is firm up what I've been negotiating with Jefferson and then we have the votes."
"Oh darling, that's amazing, you must be so happy your hard work is paying off" he says, also happy, but more so because this means this project will no longer consume his wife's time. "When are they coming up?"
She sighs and he can tell from the contrite look on her face he is not going to like what she has to say. "George Madison refuses to have me there, doesn't want me anywhere near this so he would only agree if it was back in town and I was here."
"Regina you can't be serious."
She tenses at his tone, puts Roland down, suggests that he go play with his Auntie Mal and waits until he has left the room to answer. "It's just two weeks-"
"You want me to leave for two weeks, and you didn't think to write or run this by me?"
She looks sheepish as she admits "I was afraid you'd say no."
"Well you are damn right I would have said no! But you didn't give me that choice now did you."
"I'm sorry Robin, I just, this is it the last step and we've worked so hard to get this to work, it's just one last thing."
She looks sufficiently chastened so he softens his tone and asks her "When do I have to leave?"
"I've arranged for transport tomorrow morning, I left you very detailed notes but we should go through everything tonight just to be sure."
He's angry, so much for downtime with his wife, what he has been looking forward to for months, what helped get him through the all that time barely seeing her as she devoted herself to this project. As always he is her last priority, and there is nothing he can do to change it.
The house is too quiet without Regina and the children, and of course the dinner gets pushed back a couple of days so he has to spend more time without his family. He blames Regina for his misery as he downs a third whiskey, trying unsuccessfully to drown his sorrows.
He hears a knock at the door and he opens it to find a young red-headed woman who looks distraught.
"I'm Zelena Reynolds," she says extending her hand, "And I'm so sorry to bother you at home, but I don't know where to go, and I came here all alone."
"Why are you here?"
"My husband" she begins and then chokes on a sob before continuing "He's doing me wrong, beating me, cheating me, mistreating me. And now he's up and gone and I don't have the means to go on."
He immediately feels for her, this poor woman who has been abused and now abandoned by her husband. He hates that men are able to do things like that to their wives, who are forced to suffer silently without redress. So he offers "I could give you loan, and I can take you home."
She looks at him so grateful, as if she has never been shown any kindness in her life before. "You're too kind sir," and then she hesitates before asking timidly, "Could I stay, just for a bit, I-" her voice breaks off and she takes a deep breath before continuing "I'm too afraid to be alone right now."
His heartbreaks for this poor woman so he offers her a drink. She asks him to distract her and he tells her about his family. All the alcohol has loosened his tongue and he confides in her his feelings of inadequacy and his fears that he will never be enough for Regina. She's comforting, supportive, tells him he has every right to be angry with Regina, to want more from her. And then he's ranting letting out all of his suppressed emotions. It's surprisingly freeing to air his worst thoughts, to have them accepted and encouraged.
Zelena gets closer as he tells her more and keeps his drink full, until the room is hazy and he finds he's all talked out. He apologizes for unloading on her like that but she squeezes his thigh, tells him it's alright, that she wants to listen, that it helps to focus on someone else's problems.
Then after a slight silence she asks "So you two haven't" and then she stops and laughs at herself, a faint blush colouring her cheeks.
He's confused "What's so funny?"
"I was about to ask you something very inappropriate" she says still giggling.
"What were you going to ask?"
"I shouldn't, it's improper, not my place, I'm sorry."
"It's fine, just ask."
"I got the sense that it's been months since you two were together."
She stops, fidgeting with her hands, clearly unwilling to elaborate further, but he understands what she is asking and he tries to picture the last time he and Regina were together. It was quick and there was snow on the ground he knows that, and it's been even longer since he was allowed to take his time and fully enjoy her. And god he misses being with her, the noises she makes, the way her skin feels against his.
Then he shakes his head trying to clear away these dangerous thoughts at he admits, "It's been about six months." God six months since the last time he was inside her and no wonder it takes next to nothing to turn him on lately.
He is suddenly painfully aware of just how close Zelena Reynolds is to him and he should back away but he is loving the attention, has ached for Regina to pay attention to him like this.
"Wow, I don't know how that's possible, you... well you're so attractive" she leans in and his eyes dart from her lips to her cleavage as he tries to get his hormones under control. Then she whispers in his ear so close he shivers as her breath hits his neck "And god if you were my husband I wouldn't be able to resist you for that long."
And then she is kissing him and he doesn't say no.
The last thing he remembers is her hand untying his breeches.
He wakes up beside a woman who is not his wife, and he feels dirty, disgusting and very very hungover. His head is pounding and he wants to throw up, which he thinks is only partially caused by the hangover. He attends the dinner with Jefferson and Madison. Regina was right about what they wanted so he makes the deal and secures the votes. He wants to happy about it but all he can think about is how badly he has screwed up and how his life will never be the same.
He vows to tell Regina everything and prays to god that somehow she finds it in her heart to forgive him. But then when he arrives she throws herself into his arms and he doesn't want to let go of that moment. He decides he will tell her that night, when no young ears could overhear. Their day is perfect spent together as a family, exactly what he had wanted. He pushes down the guilt tells himself to enjoy it while he can.
And then when they are alone and he's gathering his courage to confess she attacks lips, pushes him down and climbs on top of him, intent on showing him just how grateful she is to him for getting this plan through. He couldn't resist her if he tried.
He tells himself he will tell her later, at a better time, that he will just take one more day to revel in being with her and then, then he will tell her. But that becomes a familiar refrain as one day becomes two, becomes a week, becomes a month.
Then he recieves a letter from a Mr. Walsh Reynolds that reads:
Dear Sir, I hope this letter finds you in good health, and in a prosperous enough position to put wealth in the pockets of people like me: down on their luck. You see, that was my wife who you decided to made the wrong sucker a cuckold, so time to pay the piper for the pants you unbuckled, and hey, you can keep seeing my whore wife, if the price is right: if not I'm telling your wife.
And this is it, he has to tell Regina what he's done, has to ruin their perfect summer. A terrible voice in his head reminds he could just pay Mr. Reynolds for it to all go away. He sits on it for a day as that voice gets more a more persuasive. He thinks maybe it is better not to tell Regina. That he should be the only one paying the price for his misdeeds. That he should live with the guilt and spare her the pain of what he's done.
After he's told the story, the men agree to keep it to themselves, but Hades Burr reminds Robin that rumors only grow.
He feels like he may faint as he approaches the bedroom, where he knows Regina is waiting. She looks up at him with a smile on her face, eyes full of affection and he stops, takes it all in, causing her to ask "What are you doing?"
"Just trying to memorize you like this."
"What, nervous and alarmed?" she asks chuckling.
"No, with love in your eyes," he says, swallowing nervously and trying to calm his racing heart.
"Robin, what is going on?" she asks taking his hand, her voice full of concern he doesn't deserve.
He struggles to find his voice as he tells her, "I love you so much, Regina, and I'm so so sorry. I—" his voice breaks and tears well in his eyes as he begins his confession. "It was years ago, when we were trying to get the plan through congress- and god, I'm so sorry, Regina, I don't deserve you, I ruined us, I—"
He's trying to power through but the tears are freely flowing as she looks at him confused, giving him the time he needs, and it just serves as a reminder of how great she is and how badly he messed everything up, a reminder of what he is about to shatter and it's too much. His heart is breaking and it is all his fault.
He chokes down a sob as he finally tells her, "I slept with someone else and then I paid off her husband so he wouldn't tell you."
He watches as her face changes from disbelief to anger to sadness, and then it goes blank. She says nothing, and he anxiously awaits the explosion. He can take it, will take every bit of her anger because he deserves it.
He is utterly floored when she pulls his face toward hers and kisses him roughly. It is desperate and needy, all teeth and tongue, and he moans as she moves her lips down his jaw, nipping and biting with an aggression he's never felt from her. It's a bit awkward maneuvering around the baby, and he knows he needs to stop it, knows she is not thinking straight. Knows she doesn't actually want him, how could she after learning what he did? Still he can't help his body's reaction to her and the desire not to stop this, because this will probably be the last time, and he can't imagine his life without her. Can't imagine never doing this with her again.
When she slides her hands into his pants, stroking him roughly, it's pure torture but he grabs her hand and stops her.
She pulls away, looking devastated, and a single tear falls down her face as she quietly mutters, "I'm so stupid. How could you want this? I'm massive and gross and—" Her words are cut off as sobs wrack through her body and she weeps violently beside him. He aches to comfort her, but knows he has lost that right after what he did. Still she needs to understand that he does want her, has always wanted her, will never stop wanting her.
So he tells her, "You are stunning, sexy, and I want to, Regina, I really do, you had the proof of that in your hand, but I know you don't want me and I won't take advantage of you like that."
Her reply is biting and cuts him. "Oh, so it's fine to cheat on me, but not to have sex with me, is that what you are saying?"
"What? No, Regina, I just… I love you and I don't want to do anything now that will hurt you."
"It's a little late for that."
He doesn't have a response, waits for her to yell at him, scream at him, kick him out, tell him it's over. Things that will crush him but are well-deserved.
"Why did you do it?" she asks without looking at him, her voice eerily calm.
"I—it was a mistake. I was drunk and lonely and missing you and she—"
"Who was she?" Regina interrupts, her voice colder than he's ever heard it.
"Her name was Zelena Reynolds, she came to the house, told me her husband had beat and abandoned her, told me she needed help."
"And so you slept with her?" Regina says, her voice raising with every word. "You decided my wife isn't here, so I'll just screw this woman instead and then I'll hide it from her, hide it for years, because Regina won't suspect anything, she's that stupid, won't question me'?"
"It wasn't like that."
"Actually I think it was exactly like that. God did you honestly think I wouldn't find out?"
"I hoped that you wouldn't. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kept this from you, I never meant to hurt you. I lied and told myself it was better not to tell you." They are both crying and he reaches for her hand, but she pulls it away, flinching.
"You told me you supported me, that it was okay we didn't have sex for a while, and I thought how am I so lucky, but it was all a lie you told me, just so you could feel better about what you were doing."
"What? No, Regina, I meant it when I said you didn't owe me sex, I did. And I, this… it only happened that one time and I felt so terrible and I vowed to be better. I was going to tell you, I was, and then I got the votes, and you were just so happy, and I couldn't bear to ruin that."
"Oh god, that's when you came upstate and you... you and I, oh god, I can't even look at you right now. I need to get out of here."
"Regina, please talk to me, tell me what you need me to do."
"I can't do this right now—I need, I need to not see you. In the morning, I'm taking the children to my father's."
"Regina, please don't leave me, I know I have no right to ask, I don't deserve another chance, but I love you so much and I can't imagine my life without you."
"You made the choice, deal with it. You did this, you, and now you need to get out here until I leave. I don't want to see you, I can't bear to look at you. To know what you did with her, and then you came back and played the doting husband, jumped into bed with me, and I wondered how I was lucky enough to find such a perfect man. God I feel sick, I can't, you need to leave, Robin. You need to leave."
He knows it's true, doesn't want to go, but this is it, his marriage is over, he may never see his wife and children again, but it is what he deserves. So he turns and heads toward the spare room where he cries himself to sleep.
When he wakes up, she is gone and he finds a note that says:
I ask that you not contact me unless I ask you to, I need time. I have taken the children to my fathers and you may write to them there. Do whatever you need to do to refute these speculation rumors, the truth will come out regardless, it might as well be used to protect our legacy.
She writes on August 4th to advise him they have a new son that she's named William Henry Hamilton.
He sends her the pamphlet first, before he publishes it, hopes she will tell him not to do it, but he receives nothing until August 31st, when she writes to tell him Daniel has Typhus and the local doctor doesn't have a cure. He was aware Daniel was sick, had been writing constantly to their children, telling them how much he loved them, missed them, and to be good to their mother. But it's more serious than he realized and he receives a letter the next day telling him they are making their way back home so Daniel can receive the treatment he needs.
When they arrive, Regina makes a point not to speak to him. She leaves him alone with the children and he is so happy to see them, grateful that they are back in his life. He moves into the guest room, and they don't exchange anything more than small talk, and only when they are around the kids, for several weeks. He wants to fight for her, wants to prove to her he can be a better man, but she's asked for time and he vows to give it to her. He knows he has earned the pain he is in, but it is absolute torture being this close to his wife, when she is shutting him out.
Then one day when he is playing with Henry and Roland. Regina comes in, holding William, and just watches them. He tries to focus on the children, not be affected by her presence, and fails. He catches her eyes and she looks back at him, not dropping her gaze as he has come to expect.
Angelica joins them and asks to hold her little brother. Regina passes William off to her and then asks Roland and Henry if she can borrow their father for a minute. She motions for him to come out to the hall and he follows her, surprised by this turn of events.
"You're so good with them," she says and his face lights up at her unexpected compliment.
"Thank you Regina and thank you for coming back with them, I know that couldn't have been easy but I'm so so grateful."
She blushes at that, a reaction that surprises but comforts him, he wasn't sure he would ever be able to make Regina blush again. She looks down before she brings her gaze back up to meet his and she looks hesitant and unsure of herself. He wants so badly to ask what's bothering her but knows he has lost that right.
He is utterly floored and it feels like his heart stops when she whispers "I miss you."
"And I you," he says wanting to pull her into a tight embrace, but not wanting to push his luck.
"Robin I don't know how not to love you. You hurt me, deeply and I want to get past it, I do and I know I should be, this is just something men do and we weren't so it's only natural that you-"
He cuts her off there because he will not let her take any blame for this. "Love, this wasn't your fault, you did nothing wrong and you have every right to be angry with me, you should be, I betrayed your trust and ruined our marriage. What I did was terrible, it was selfish and unforgivable. I know I don't deserve you Regina or your forgiveness but I can't imagine my life without you. If you let me I will spend the rest of my life making up for this."
Her eyes water during his speech and for the first time in a long time she smiles at him. She takes his hand, grips it tight and tells him firmly "I'm still mad at you, but I think I'd like it if you joined me in the office tonight, once the children are in bed. I could your thoughts on this essay I'm writing."
"I'd love that."
She hesitates and then adds quickly, "I'm not ready for anything more than that right now, but I think in time I will be."
He smiles broadly at her as he tells her "Take as much time as you need, I'm not going anywhere."