NOTE: This is not by the same person who wrote the original Super Confidential Diaries. This is a knock off, sort of. It picks up from where the original left off. The original is here: .net/s/3130655/1/The_Super_Confidential_Diary_of_Harry_Potter.

7:15 PM

So we ended up, of all places, in a forest.

"What the hell?" Dean shouted, cocking (heh) Naomi and turning around. "The fuck you bring us here for?"

He had a point. Hermione could have at least apparated us to like, Vegas or something.

Hermione shot him a look. "Dean, stop complaining. At least we got out of there alive."

"Don't talk to me like that, cracka! You just hating on me 'cuz im black, aint you. Look at the white man, always trying to bring me down!"

"I know, really," Luna sighed. Dean ignored her.

I wonder what the weather in Vegas is like right now.

7:20 PM

Mr. Gorbachev pooped on Luna.

She didn't complain.

7:35 PM

Malfoy and Hermione are in a fight.

"Let's just stay here, all right?" Hermione shouted.

"No! I am not staying in the woods," Malfoy yelled back. "I want to go home."

"You invitin us to crash at your place?" Dean asked.

"Uh, well-"

"Of course he is," Luna said. "If one homie invites another homie to crash at their pad, and the second homie accepts, the bond is sealed. There's no turning back. It's in The Fundamental Rules and Etiquette of the Ghetto Community, haven't you all read that?

Nobody answered, so I farted.

8:00 PM

Well, we ended up going to Malfoy's house.

It's a pretty nice place, I gotta say. Spacious, airy, and yet surprisingly warm inside despite it's cold demeanor.

"How many rooms in this place?" I asked Malfoy.

"I don't know, a lot? Go ask a house elf or something."

8:01 PM

Apparently there's 124 rooms.

8:01 PM and 5 seconds

Plenty of beds.

8:02 PM

I mentioned this fact to Ginny. She giggled, so I'm taking that as a good sign.

8:05 PM

Malfoy's mom is pretty cool. Ernie told her she was a milf. I'd forgotten he was even with us.

"Would you all like some dinner?" She asked. What a fatass. She's definitely where Draco got his food obsession from.

"I'll take a sandwich," I said loudly. "And so will all the other men."

All the girls walked over to the kitchen to help cook.

I asked Malfoy why he was still standing over here.

He went to the kitchen.

What a pussy.

8:06 PM

Me and Dean went over to the kitchen to ask what was taking so long. Ginny told us to shut the fuck up and wait a few minutes.

"You don't tell a man to shut the fuck up," Dean yelled, as he shot Naomi. He was aiming for Ginny, but he accidentally hit Luna in the shoulder. She started screaming for a few minutes, but then she got this misty look in her eyes and stared licking the blood from her fingers and chanting some Indian tribal shit.

Everyone slowly backed away.

1:03 AM

Well, we all ended up getting drunk off of some of Mrs. Malfoy's firewhisky that Mr. Gorbachev stole from the kitchen. Turns out if you're a dog, the house elves will give you alcohol if your underage, no questions asked. But it's not like he asked for it.

Everyone is passed out on the floor right now. I'm only awake because I'm a man and I can drink as much as I want without passing out or any other of that baby stuff.

Well, I'm going to go put Ernie's hand in a glass of warm water and call it a night.

Adios, bitches

xoxo