This is going to be so sappy but if there ever was an occasion for such a thing, it's the ending of a show that once meant so, so much to me. I guess, in a way, Pretty Little Liars will always be in my heart. I started watching this show in middle school when I was going through a real rough patch and I found a fictional world to escape to. I clung to Spoby for whatever reason and they still freaking own my heart, which is a blessing and a curse. I started writing fanfics for them in 8th grade and it is through that, that I realized the love I have for writing and from there I started writing every single day. I graduated from high school this year and am currently working on a novel (with certain characters obviously inspired vaguely by Spoby bc of course), and I just feel like I owe it to the people on this site to say that because I never would have grown as a writer in the way that I did if it wasn't for the writing I did here and all the encouragement that came with your reviews. There are so many amazing people I met through this fandom & although I don't have a fan account on twitter anymore and I haven't written on here in ages, please know that I love and appreciate you all :) You lovely people will always hold a special place in my heart.
But anyways, the finale left us Spoby shippers hanging big time and I've never been more pissed at the end of a show (well, the HIMYM ending is a close second lol) but yeah, I guess that's what fanfiction is for. It'll be gucci, bc it is just a fictional show and whatever, but that doesn't stop the shitty writing of this show from stinging. So I'm not sure how good this is bc I wrote is really quickly, but this is my attempt at gaining the closure for this ship that we deserve, but never got. I hope that maybe it does the same thing for some of you :')
With lots of love, Emma.
. . .
"I'm so sorry," Toby whispers in her ear as he pulls her in closer and tangles one set of fingers in her hair. After Alex got dragged out of the underground dungeon, Toby immediately ran toward Spencer and engulfed her in his arms, holding her close. They've been that way for about a minute now. "I'm so sorry..."
"Shh," Spencer says back. "You're okay. We're okay."
"I should be the one telling you that," he says with a soft chuckle.
"What can I say," she whispers, chuckling too, "I'm a postmodern feminist."
Tightening her grip around his waist, Spencer leans her head against his chest and closes her eyes. She thinks momentarily to herself, when did this get so fucked up? The last time Toby held her like this was at prom her senior year, as she read, off the top of her head, the speech she wrote about their shared unconditional love. Somewhere along the way, after they realized their lives were at least temporarily on different tracks, they lost each other and with that, the most innocent and passionate aspects of themselves.
But their relationship isn't the only thing that got fucked up along the way, after high school. There was a time when the girls and everyone else, for that matter, believed the A-team was done with after Charlotte revealed herself as the head honcho. They all went on to live their separate lives, the lives they all deserve to have, where they're free and normal for once and hold the world in their fingertips. Coming back to Rosewood was probably inevitable, and in the sense that it somehow brought Toby and Spencer back together, Spencer is grateful for some weird, twisted reason. But in every other sense, it's like she's cursed. It's like they all are, and it's honesty gotten to the point that she's used to the idea.
Everyone starts filing out of the area and the world starts spinning even more than it was. This isn't the way things are supposed to be. This isn't the way she imagined things being at this point in her life. Almost being killed is something Spencer's grown accustomed to over the years, but this just feels different. Being locked away was awful but she knew a way out; her sharpness paved the way for hope, and she held on to that. After the Dollhouse, she never thought that anything could leave her feeling so unbearably trapped again, and that proved to be true until she watched as Toby held a gun out in front of her, trying to determine which Spencer was the real Spencer. That's a whole new level of trapped that she never could have imagined in her wildest nightmares.
Noticing Spencer's quickening breaths, Toby gently kisses the top of her head. "Let's get out of here."
She nods in agreement and blinks away the tears that are forming in her scared, broken eyes. Toby temporarily breaks away from their embrace but then takes her hand and holds it tighter than he ever has before.
Leaving the place is harder than she could have imagined, but Toby's calm demeanor pulls her through until they escape. Her friends talk to her, asking more questions than she could ever have answers for and apologizing more than they even have a reason to, but all Spencer wants to do is sit in a quiet room. Toby must pick up on this because he continues to guide them, moving his feet, as the girls speak. It's nothing against them and obviously, they just want to be there for their friend, but talking about what just happened is the last thing Spencer wants to do in this moment. They seem to take the hint and walk out the door with complete understanding.
"Hey, Tobes?"
"Hmm."
"Would it be alright if we stayed here? At least until people start coming to look into the underground...whatever that is."
The smile on his face is irreplaceable. "That would be nice."
They collapse on the living room couch and for a moment, everything is quiet. The only sound Spencer and Toby hear is the beating of the other's heart.
"The house is beautiful..." Spencer whispers after a while, nuzzling herself into his embrace.
"Thanks, um," he says, "but I have to admit: when I first started building it, I had a much different vision of what our first moment spent inside the finished product would look like."
They lie there for another moment, the surrealness of the situation still hanging above them like a fog clump.
"Spence," he says quietly, "I know I told you this already but I am so sorry."
"God, Toby, why are you sorry?"
"For just..." Toby starts to put his thoughts to words but fails desperately. "Okay. Let me try and just say this. Did...did she...tell you anything about me?"
Spencer nods, cringing unconsciously.
"So...for all of that, I am so, so incredibly sorry. I should have thought more like you, I should have known that something was up. That she wasn't you. Like, come on, how dumb can a guy be? I should have known."
"You can't beat yourself up for what she did to you."
"It takes two to tango."
The thought of Toby, her Toby, being lured into bed by a psychopath pretending to be her, makes her sick to her stomach. The kisses they shared, the way their bodies touched and grinded against each other's... Spencer just about throws up on the spot.
"That is not on you," Spencer assures him. "She assaulted you, violated you in so many ways. Toby, especially after..." She pauses for a moment, unsure if she should bring up old issues especially given how Jenna saved her from Alex's torment today.
Toby gives her a look as if to say, go on.
"Especially after what happened with Jenna," she whispers, the pain streaming through her voice.
Toby inhales a heavy breath before opening his mouth to say something, anything. Spencer's heart breaks as she watches the tears form in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to cry."
"Stop apologizing," she tells him gently but firmly, in some loving kind of paradox. She cups his face in her hands, wiping the falling tears with her thumbs.
"Um," he says, his voice breaking, "I guess it's just a lot. I... I thought I was over all that bullshit. When I realized that who I thought was you, wasn't? My God, Spence, everything I once felt about what Jenna did came rushing back. Like, I betrayed you, and I betrayed myself somehow, and I had absolutely no say in it. I just... I don't know, I'm probably not even making any sense."
"Toby," Spencer says softly, "I don't know what to tell you to make the pain go away. But I... I feel like maybe I should tell you something I should have when I first returned to town."
The way his eyes sparkle as he looks at her expectantly causes Spencer's world to stop turning. Her stomach flutters and she bites her lip, trying to decide if she should say what she wants to now or wait for a more appropriate time.
"I mean, it may already be obvious after our scrabble game, and maybe the fact that we're lying like this now gives it away, too, but-"
He leans in to press a gentle kiss upon her lips.
"Go on," he says, causing Spencer to grin from ear to ear.
"I still love you," she finally makes out. "I think, you know, to some extent, I never really stopped."
"I will always love you," he replies, melting into their embrace and leaning in to kiss the love of his life once again. The only thought running through his mind in the moment is, I could get used to this.
After a long while of getting reacquainted with each other's lips, the two lovebirds find themselves shutting their eyes, feeling more at peace than they have in forever. There's something about the other person that makes that happen, I guess. That makes them feel calm, like everything's going to be okay, like they're home.
Before drifting off into a well deserved slumber, a lot of thoughts flood into each of their minds. Like, will a group of police officers or detectives or whoever come barging in at any moment to inspect the area of so much turmoil? And since that answer is most definitely, the question that now stands is when will that happen and will they wake the two up to do so? The other thoughts are of more logistics: the last time they broke up, it was because they realized they were at different points in their lives and wanted different things. Will that prove to be an issue now?
And another thing, Spencer cannot help but wonder if Toby is over Yvonne. And Toby cannot help but wonder if Spencer can get over the fact that he slept with her twin sister, twice. These thoughts stir and threaten to consume the both of their souls.
"I love you, I love you, I love you..." he whispers, as if it's his mantra and as if his life depends on it. "I can't stop saying that," he says, smiling bigger than Spencer has seen in a while, "and I never want to."
And suddenly, all worries from before melt away. As cheesy as it probably sounds, regardless of any other possible obstacles, the only thing that both of them want is to be together. Forever and always. In sickness and in health, through thick and thin, through sanity and insanity, until death do they part. That's all they could ever ask for and, spoiler alert, that's what they will get. Sometimes the best things in life feel like the worst before the sun comes out, but they always come through in the end, warming your soul from the inside out.
"Please," Spencer says into his chest as she traces hearts with her fingers over his shirt in that area, "don't let me go."
"Not even in my worst nightmare," Toby replies softly with all the genuineness he can muster. "You better promise not to ever let me go either." He kisses the top of her head again and interlocks their fingers.
"I do."