Thoughts IV: Fire of the Soul
By SailorOnyxPluto
I sit in this deep trance in front of the Sacred Fire at the Hikawa Shrine, and although I am searching the astral plane for any sense of danger that might be coming to this world, my mind cannot help but question as to why I chose this path in the first place when I could've been pursuing my priesthood. I try to shut these thoughts out as I push my concentration further, but they keep screaming for my full attention and I become frustrated as I can no longer concentrate, which causes my trance to break. I wipe the accumulated sweat from my forehead and quietly slip out of the fire room to go outside for some fresh air and to contemplate these constant thoughts. I listen to my crows as they caw at the visitors coming to the shrine, but today, I keep to myself as I wonder what would have been had I not met Usagi.
The day it happened is so incredibly clear, I feel as though I live that day almost every time I think about it; however those of you who know me already know the story of how I became the Senshi of Mars in this life. For those of you who don't know, let me just make this clear: I am very proud to be a soldier who protects this beautiful planet and I'm sure that all the other Senshi have thoughts similar to mine once in a while since we technically live double lives. It is not easy keeping this a secret and I sometimes wish I could tell someone else about it, and sometimes I wish that it never happened because it is almost painful to keep it from my grandfather and Yuichiro.
Anyway, enough of this self-pity that I shouldn't feel about myself. I shake my head to clear it, my long raven hair flowing down in waves over my priestess garb as I continue to watch but not see the ever-increasing amount of visitors, mostly young schoolgirls, coming to the shrine to make wishes. My gesture does not get rid of these thoughts as they keep screaming at me to dwell on them and, try as I might, I cannot resist. I can almost see the monster I fought that day as if it were standing right in front of me, along with its 'master', Jadeite. It's funny because at the time when he was working with me, I almost found him attractive, despite his evil aura. I wonder what he would've been like had we found each other in a different time when neither of us had been touched by the two forces which balance the universe.
I smile and laugh about the very thought of it now since Jadeite will always be encased in 'Eternal Sleep' and I will only follow the path of my destiny as Sailor Mars, the Senshi of Fire. My duty is to protect the Princess of the Moon and to help her make Crystal Tokyo a reality, but until the Earth is ready to make that change into a glorious utopia, I will just do as I have been doing ever since I was reawakened in this time. I've thought about this long enough, for now I must go meet our visitors and help to make their own wishes come true.