Redemption
Everyone sat around the fire, everyone except for Allan who lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Everyone ate in silence, greedily shoveling Much's food into his or her mouth. I played around with my food, just nibbling on the piece of bread. I watched Allan, concern the most dominant feeling now. The way Allan was acting, they way he just ignored everyone, including me did not seem normal. None of the others seemed at all concerned or worried about him and it bothered me greatly. I have noticed something seemed off about Robin and Allan's relationship, it was not right. Sometimes I noticed flashes of distrust cross Robin's eyes, even Much's and I did not know why. Things were unusually silent today, just the low hush of the wind through the trees. I watched each member intently, my brows furrowing as I watched Robin whose eyes kept darting up to Allan. I tried to read their reactions and movements before turning back to Allan. Something was definitely bothering him as I could see his lips moving as he murmured to himself.
Suddenly Allan popped out of his bed, everyone's head turned towards him but no one spoke to him. He stalked off into the forest moments later and everyone went back to eating as if nothing had happened. Disbelief was apparent on my face, none had attempted to follow him, and no one even asked him what is wrong. I slammed my bowl down on the ground and stood up, starting to make a move to follow Allan before I felt someone's hand wrap around my wrist in an attempt to stop me. I turned around to face the person, fire in my eyes. "Leave him be Kate." Robin sighed and closed his eyes. My breath caught a little, leave him be? I could not do that, he was there for me when Rufus caught us, and I wanted to be there for him. "No! He need's someone." I yanked my arm away from his grasp and turned to run after Allan.
"Leave him be. Some kind of leader he is." I muttered to myself as I pushed through the forest looking for Allan. Poor Allan, all alone like that, no one was there to comfort him. None of his 'friends' seemed to even care one bit about him. I pushed aside some branches and probably tripped on a few logs as I made my way farther into the forest. "It's my entire fault!" I heard someone mumble. The voice was familiar, but strangely broken. I pushed more low hanging branches aside and I found Allan. His head buried into his arm while the other arm pounded the ground. Cries of pain and grief escaped his lips yet he did not look physically hurt.
Quickly I ran to his side. "Allan? Allan, what's wrong?" I asked quickly as I lay his head on my lap. To my surprise I found tears streaming down his face, gently I wiped them away and stroked his cheeks. The forest was quiet except for his deep breathing and crying. I began gently humming to him, hoping to comfort him as my fingers ran through his hair. Poor Allan, my poor, poor Allan. I was the only one that cared, I could see right through his mask. He always tried to be the jest, he tried to act as if he did not care when he really did. His eyes gave away everything, but only I could see it.
"Shush now, its okay now." I whispered into his ear. If only I had a blanket or something to keep him, warm. "Ssssh." I said gently, rocking back and forth. Allan had stopped shaking and his breathing was back to normal. He looked so peaceful in his sleep; I would hate to wake him just because we had to get back to camp.
I closed my eyes, taking a deep, deep breath so as not to cry. I wondered what had made him break down like that; I have never seen him in such a state. I could never get that image out my head, seeing someone so brave so tough just break as he did, it terrified me. Allan showed me just how fragile they really were, no matter how tough and brave they try to act; deep down they are just as scared as everyone else is. "Tell me what's wrong." I said softly rocking back and forth. I knew he was asleep, but still, saying it comforted me.
"Once a traitor, always a traitor." Robin's angry, spiteful eyes bore into mine. The anger in them I could not even begin to place. I was too much in shock at the time to defend myself. I could not believe he had said that. My jaw tensed, my whole body felt rigid as the memories came flooding back painfully. "What happened to you Allan?" Marian's voice was angry and yet said, full of disbelief. The look she gave me then, what she was really asking me is how could you? How could you betray your friends like that? The truth was, I did not know. It was not just the money, not even the fact that Guy had tortured me, but in truth, he only threw a couple of punches. I guess I was just a coward, and knowing that made the realization that I ruined everything even worse.
All these thoughts and memories raced through my mind as I ran aimlessly through the forest. My heart pounded in my chest erratically as I pushed harder, not even caring that low branches kept smacking me in the face as I ran. The worst part about all of this is not only did Marian die because of my bad choice, my friends not only did not trust, but they also hated me and I could not do anything to change it. I collapsed to the ground, my back against a tree as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I breathed hard and fast, everything hurt, my cheeks felt raw from the branches that smacked at my face.
Knowing what you did wrong and not being able to fix any of it really gave you a new perspective of things. Guilt, pain, and sadness gripped my heart like a vise, all stuck inside of me just waiting for something to happen. I was like black powder, ready and waiting to explode at any minute. Even the slightest of flames could spark me, little things began to set me off and I was losing control all too fast. If only it was me who had died back in the Holy Land instead of Marian. I was so alone; I had no friends, no family. Tom had tied almost a year and a half ago, my only family left and the Sheriff had killed him. He tricked us and we were too late to save him or his friends. Just like, I was too late to fix anything between Robin, the gang, and me.
Hot tears began to fall down my cheeks; I could barely breathe anymore as I choked on my own salty tears. Maybe if I died now, here in this forest all alone, maybe everything would be better. At least Tom had his friends when he died, I would die alone and unwanted. I punched the ground furiously, falling over and burying my head into one arm. The smell of damp Earth filled my nostrils, a comforting, familiar smell. I could feel my whole body shake violently. If a branch, or better yet a tree fell on my now and crushed me to death. Maybe if a poison insect bit me, all I wished was for a way to die, I wanted death. "It's my entire fault!" I cried aloud. My words crashed down and echoed around me, the roar of the truth deafened in my ears.
Suddenly warm, gentle arms wrapped around me, placing my head on their lap. Soft hands wiped began to wipe away my tears and tried with all their might to comfort and soothe me. "Shush now, its okay now." She whispered to me. My breathing slowed back to normal as blackness started to creep on me. I wondered whether I had died or not. Was this an angel? I welcomed death all too gladly, anything for this pain and grief to leave me for good. I was in the arms of an angel as my body finally relaxed and the blackness washed over me completely as the angel hummed to me.
notes: so what did you think? I've finally got this story up and I'm excited for my first Robin Hood story for you guys. Hope you enjoy! Reviews are love 3
- kaylabear xoxo