Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but if I did, I would add more of both of these characters.
"What the—? Butt."
Jane rolled her eyes at Erik when Darcy entered the lab and went straight for the coffee machine.
Erik gave her a slightly bored look in reply, which could have meant "you know you love her" or "yes her juvenile swearing annoys me too" or possibly both.
"This is all screwed up! Somebody moved the thing by the other thing! That's totally bad and wrong and everything I despise and I disapprove of the suspect life choices that led to this configuration of coffee and coffee related products."
Darcy fussed for five minutes, grumbling quietly as she re-re-arranged the coffee-procuring area.
Then she turned a death glare on the nearest scientists. "Whoever screws with CoffeeLand perfection will face my small but zappy wrath," she informed them. "For reals this time. And don't you even do it just to screw with me again, Selvig. You were there when I tased a god and can bear witness that my words are full of truth."
Erik held up his hands to beg innocence, but Jane could tell he was trying not to smile.
The next day, she actually got out her taser and waved it in his face.
"Darcy…" Jane admonished.
"What? If I find out he's been doing it on purpose because he likes to watch me do all the swears under my breath every day, I'm gonna find Sam and get him to teach me how to punch and then I'm gonna punch him right in his sneaky face."
"Erik respects your coffee domain," Jane reminded her.
"There's too much smug on his face," Darcy replied.
"That's because he's trying not to start laughing at you because you're crazy," Jane said.
"I'm not!" Darcy snapped. "I am a totally reasonable human and whoever is screwing with my coffee heaven is hereby my nemesis." Her eyes narrowed. "If this happens again I'm going to have to run a round-the-clock stakeout to catch them in the act."
"That sounds absolutely reasonable," Jane lied, and went back to work.
On Thursday, Darcy finished reconquering the coffee area and immediately got out her phone, glaring at Erik while she spoke to someone too quietly for Jane to overhear. Since there were no loud outbursts of a vaguely threatening nature, her actions were easy to ignore.
Friday morning's entrance was surprising. Jane didn't notice Darcy was there until she grabbed her arm. "Jane!" she hissed.
The astrophysicist eyed the wrecked and as yet un-Darcyfied coffee vicinity.
Jane opened her mouth, but instead of saying something like 'what fresh hell is this,' she managed to say "Wha...t's happening now?"
"So yesterday I called Clint because I wanted him to hook me up with some serious coffee surveillance but he was all like, 'allocating resources' and 'Darce I love you but no one cares,' so I took a page out of his book and just hid in a sniper perch! I remembered about three minutes in that it was gonna be hard to tase whoever from there and also I had to pee but that doesn't matter because I discovered the identity of my coffee rival."
Amazingly, when Jane opened her mouth next, she didn't remind Darcy that there was, in fact, no one who cared. Instead, she somehow sounded interested. "Oh?"
"Jane, it's Doctor Cho!" she whispered. "The super hot biotech scientist of sexiness who helped Ultron—and Thor, I guess—create Vision!"
Jane nodded. "I know who she is." She frowned. "But… why are you junior high gossiping with me like you have a crush on her?"
Darcy's eyes went wide and she blushed. "Well I started checking her out at first like 'stay away from Jane's man' style because I heard she had the hots for your Asgardian super-stud. And I got your back. But then I realized that she's super cool and would never, like, get all up on a taken dude? And also that she is incredible and perfect and I want to make out with her."
Jane sighed. She hadn't followed most of Darcy's blather, so she went back to the last definable subject. "But she's messing up your coffee nirvana?"
"Yeah but she doesn't even know she's doing it, watch!"
Jane looked over at the coffee machine, and sure enough, Helen helped herself to a refill (the coffee was cold, Jane tried not to be visibly grossed out), then picked up the creamer, dumped some in, and proceeded to put it down in a completely different place than where she'd picked it up before she wandered away.
"So… what does that mean? She's not perfect?"
"She's sciencing and doesn't even realize she's just dumped three tablespoons powdered non-dairy creamer into her freezing coffee."
Helen was gone, so Jane allowed some of her feelings to invade her face. "Please tell me I've never done that."
Darcy shook her head. "No, you just scribble on every available surface, whether it's a whiteboard or the carpet, which is admittedly annoying but way less disgusting."
"At least she's eating," Erik commented from two tables away.
"Erik, quit eavesdropping!"
Erik shrugged. "I can't help it, overhearing drama is something you have to get used to when you take up a career as a college professor."
"Whatever, okay, I'm going to clean up her mess and then get her an actual cup of coffee that is not whatever science-bender thing she thinks she needs to dump down her throat. So, just… make sure I don't make a fool of myself when I take it over there."
Jane blinked and did not say anything like 'and when have I ever been able to prevent you from doing that?' But she did nod like she would try.
Except she didn't, because she was distracted with her own science by the time the coffee was ready, and then the next several days were very Thor-ful. (Once he had grasped the Midgardian idea of a "weekend," he insisted she reserve them for him. It was very endearing but occasionally insufferable.)
It was actually the following Tuesday when Jane remembered that she was supposed to be attempting some kind of wingman duties, but by that time, it appeared that Darcy and Helen had a routine. Helen would mess up Darcy's meticulous coffee situation, Darcy would clean it up and replace her cold cup of creamer sludge with something fresh and Venezuelan and hot. Helen would take a sip and gain the powers bestowed by the magical beverage, which would result in her momentary emergence from the science!haze so that she could thank Darcy.
Honestly, it was pretty adorable.
A week later, Darcy had no coffee mess to clean, because Helen didn't come to the lab for two whole days. Jane couldn't believe that she was actually pouting about it.
"I guess all it takes for you to go from calling someone a 'Smelly StupidFace Jerk' to happily allowing them to mess up your stuff is a pretty face," Jane teased.
"No," Darcy said, firm in her belief that denial was a river in Egypt. "All it takes is communication. Understanding your fellow lab-person."
"And she's hot," Jane added.
"That does not hurt," Darcy admitted.
"Excuse me, Miss Lewis?"
Both Jane and Darcy turned, and even Jane's jaw hit the floor when she saw Helen standing there, dressed to the nines.
"I have to leave in a moment, but I wanted to thank you for your help this past week. I don't think I would have been able to finish my project quite so quickly if it had not been for you."
Jane opened her mouth to observe that Helen cleaned up nice, but Darcy was there before her.
"You're welcome. It was my pleasure. I mean, I did it because you looked like you needed the help, and not because you look really nice in that dress. You do look really nice in that dress. That's not why I got you coffee before, though. It's not like I have a huge crush on you or anything. Or, I mean, if I did, I'd still have brought you coffee, because your half-awake half-science-ness was totally making a huge mess out of my normally pristine coffee space. And coffee space cleanliness is really important to me. Plus you shouldn't have to drink cold coffee while you're doing important science. Also you look amazing, have I mentioned that?"
Darcy covered her face with her hand and shot Jane a 'please make me stop talking' look, but Helen just laughed.
"Actually, I was hoping I would get the chance to ask you if you wanted to come with me."
Darcy eyed Helen's attire. "To fancytown?"
"Well, I do have a benefit to attend in the city, but I could leave early, and we could go somewhere, maybe get a… not a cup of coffee, but something like that."
"Like a date?" Darcy asked, bewildered.
Helen actually blushed. "Yes, if… if that's okay with you."
"Um, yeah," Darcy replied without a pause to consider. "When do we leave?"
"Quinjet takes off in fifteen," Helen told her.
"Okay, I gotta—" Darcy began scooping up her belongings, then stopped to excitedly shake Jane by the arms. "Meet you at the… the takeoff… area! Place!" Darcy said to Helen, then ran out the door.
"Sorry for stealing your assistant, Doctor Foster," Helen said.
"Hey, she's perfectly willing to be stolen. Just, uh, try to keep the coffee station a little nicer during your next project, okay?"
Helen smiled. "I'll do my best."
Author's Note: You can read my behind the scenes rambling on my blog, iwillwriteyourfic DOT blogspot DOT com SLASH 2016 SLASH 04 SLASH fydl-10-days-of-femslash DOT html