Written for OQ Happy Ending Week Day 2 - Missing Year
She's been short with him the last few days-short with everyone, but that really wasn't anything new. The winter season was fast approaching and the castle had been turned into a wonderland of color and lights to celebrate the upcoming festivals. Roland has been thrilled. Having never had the opportunity for a proper Yuletide in their camp in the forest, each day is bring something new and magical; a new light to his son's bright eyes. Her eye's only grow darker, though, more and more detached with each new bauble that adorns the halls.
She's kept to herself mostly, stayed in her rooms, but she ventures down this morning, brushes past everyone in the dining hall and heads straight for him. Her hand shoots for his chest and for a split second, Robin fears that she's become what he's heard some of the other's whispering about, that her sadness had drawn out the Evil Queen and his heart was about to be crushed to dust before breakfast. She stops just short, gripping his arm instead and summoning her magic to take them away.
"You're a coward, Robin of Locksley!" Regina is screaming at him before he even realizes that they've moved to her chambers, before the smoke even settles around them. "You couldn't even tell me to my face! You had to use your son to do it. And you're worried about me hurting that precious little boy? He was inconsolable! You should be ashamed of yourself!" she shoves him in the chest, hard enough that he takes several steps back.
"Regina-" he tries, arms raised in surrender even though he has no idea what he's surrenduring to.
"I'm not finished," she flicks her wrist and he's pinned to the wall. "I have never hurt him! I would never hurt him! I thought you knew that. I thought you, off all people, could trust me with at least that. I'd die before I let anything happen to Roland and you know it. You know it!" she's pacing the room, arms flying up, pulling at her hair.
"I do," he tells her sincerely from his place against the wall. Aside from his Men, there's no one else in the realms he would trust more with his son.
"Then why?" The fight leaves her as the spell leaves him. He lurches from the wall as his invisible bonds release.
"You have me at a disadvantage, Milady," he approaches her cautiously. "I'm afraid I have no idea what you're referring to."
"Really? You have no idea why your son snuck into my room last night, crawled into by bed and told me that you said he couldn't see me anymore because I hurt people?" She tries her best to yell at him some more. He deserves it. But the rage has burned itself out and all that's left is the hurt.
"Oh, Roland." Robin sighs into his hands, dropping into the chair by the fire.
"Yeah. Oh, Roland," she mocks him, taking the chair across from him. They both stare into the flames. "Children can't be expected to keep secrets. I learned that lesson the hard way and it appears so have you."
"That's what he told you?" Robin asks, watching as the fire reflects the tears she won't let fall, "Because you hurt people?"
"Why would I make that up?" she spits out, still not looking at him, but the question has her rethinking the evening. Rewinding her memories of the teary eyed boy who snuggled in next to her to say goodbye. "Because you hurted," she repeats his words softly, not even aware she's said them out loud; three little words that crushed her heart.
Robin sighs again, leans closer to her, his elbows on his knees. "He forgets when he's upset. Mixes up his words even though he's been so much better since you've been reading to him." He reaches for her hand, considers it a win that she doesn't rip it instantly from his grasp. "I did ask Roland to give you some space for a few days," he sees her temper flare in her eyes seconds before that hand is pulled away from the warmth of his. "It's not at all what you're thinking, Regina."
"Please, thief, do tell me what I am thinking," she's out of the chair in an instant. It scrapes against the stone as she pushes it aside.
"It's Yuletide, Regina. Your first in many years without your boy beside you. I thought having Roland attached to your hip like he always is would make that pain worse. I thought it would hurt you." She stops pacing, letting his words sink in. "I didn't want my son to worsen the pain of not having yours so I asked him to stay away for a few days. I was wrong."
"You were." There are tears in her voice, he can hear them thick and choking in her throat, knows if she dared turn towards him that he'd see them streaking her beautiful face. "But apparently so was I." He walks towards her then, she can hear every footfall on the stone until he stops right behind her, close enough that she feels his breath wash over her neck, but he doesn't dare touch. "It's easier with him. Roland doesn't understand what I had to do so he doesn't expect me to fall apart at any moment. It's easier to laugh with him because he doesn't judge me or accuse me of not loving Henry."
"No one would dare accuse you of that," he tells her in a way assures her he would have more than a conversation with anyone who did.
"I abandoned my child. What kind of mother does that?"
"You let him go to save him and everyone else. That's not abandonment, Regina. That's love."
"Everyone here looks at me like I'm going to snap at any minute. Roland just wants to hear about Harry Potter and watch fireworks, and pick flowers. Do you know how that feels? Do you have any idea? He's 4 years old, Robin, but he's the only person that I can breathe around without being judged and now he's afraid to come near me."
"He's not the only one," his hand cups her elbow, slides down her arm to take her hand and turn her toward him. "Let me make it up to you. I can assure you that Roland is not afraid of you. He is, however, quite cross with me for taking away his time with his majesty."
"You deserve it," she sniffs, turns away from him as she wipes her face with the hand he's refusing to let go.
"I most certainly do," he pulls her a step closer, then steps closer himself so there's barely space between them. "Causing you anymore pain was never my intention, Milady. I hope you understand that. I hope you can forgive me."
"You hero's and your hope," she sighs letting herself relax into him, her chin tucked into his neck. It's not the first time they've embraced, although it is the first time it wasn't at Roland's insistence that his Papa hug Gina goodnight too. It feels natural, right even and although she's not ready to admit it, Regina swears something wound tight inside her just loosens as his arms tighten around her.
"I'm here, you know. If you ever want more conversation than my son can provide," his hand moves up and down her back, matching the rhythm of her nodding against him.
"I have to believe that Henry is happy," she stays pressed against him, keeps her voice low and steady as not to disturb the moment they've created. "That he's decorating cookies with Emma the way he always did with me. He won't know it, but he'll hang his stockings on the tree instead of the fireplace because that's what we alway did. I have to let him live his life and somehow make peace with the fact that I'm the only one who'll hold our memories."
"But don't you also have to make new ones?" he pulls her back, just enough to thread his fingers through her hair and bring her eyes to meet his. "Don't you think you deserve to try to make yourself a life here, to start new traditions, to be happy? Wouldn't he want that for you as well?"
"I think he would," she smiles at the memory of her son, presses her cheek more fully into his palm. "I hope he would."
"You heros and your hope," he pulls her close again, places a quick kiss to her temple before letting her step away. "Come back down with me. Watch me explain to my son how foolish his father was and help him make decorations for the tree. He misses you."
"I miss him too." He's not sure if she means her son or his; he's also not sure that it matters. He turns to go with a promise to leave her to get changed (she'd worn her most terrifying dress to punish him in) before joining him and Roland in dining room, making it to the door before her voice stops him.
He turns to see a swirl of magic, and Regina transformed back into the woman he recognizes. Leather and spikes replaced by cotton and wool. She's softer. He hopes she's happier in this skin. "Thank you," she fiddles nervously with a loose string on her sweater,"...for listening, for letting me spend time with your son, for...for everything."
He walks back to her, takes her hand and brings it to his lips, placing a soft, chaste kiss to her knuckles. He holds her hand a moment longer, her gaze a moment longer still, before she's walking out with him, telling him they can explain it to Roland together.
It seems it took a misunderstanding for her to finally understand.