Hello Cormoran addicts :) It will probably be a while until we have a new Cormoran's novel again, so this is my way of dealing with withdrawal. I've been working on this for a while, and I finally think it's ready. Just let me know what you think, I'd love to improve my writing :)
Disclaimer: Nothing here belongs to me, it goes to its rightful owner, Robert Gabraith. I only get to play with his toys.
You Kept Me Up
The whole church went silent. Everyone that, while the priest had been talking hadn't heard the noises coming from the back, turned then their heads towards the man that, in his bloodstained clothes, obviously did not fit with the dress code for the event. He knew perfectly well how he looked like and that he shouldn't be there. Nor the he cared, all he could focus on was in the dressed-in-white woman that was standing in front of the priest.
" I am not sure if this is the bravest or the most stupid thing I've done in my life, but I am here for you, Robin"
The audience started talking with each other in somewhat loud voices, looking distressed. Matthew's family was looking to the groom, who looked as white as his bride's dress. She, after the initial shock, seemed to have found her voice.
"What do you want from me, Cormoran?"
He run a filthy hand trough his even dirtier hair. He opened his mount several times just to close it again, as if his brain would have lost all connection with his mouth. Wetting his lips, he let go a shaky breath before talking. "I am not asking for anything here. I am here so you don't make the biggest mistake of your life, thinking that what everyone else says is happiness is what you want. I'll be whatever you want me to be." He took several steps into the aisle, coming closer to where she, radiant and Matthew, livid, stood "I know the real you Robin, the woman that knows how to drive like a pro, the woman that doesn't mind long hours of surveillance, the one that feels exactly the thrill I feel when we discover something new. I know that you are not that Yorkshire girl that wants to have an A3 Cabriolet, a nice house and be home by 5 to make dinner to your husband. I know you want to be Venetia Hall, o whoever that precious mind of yours creates to trick a suspect, in her old Land Rover following a hunch that might be nothing. You are the only person with I've been me, completely me, and hasn't tried to change a bit of it. And I think, I am the only person in the world that hasn't tried to change you either. "
She was looking at him as if it was the first time she'd saw him. She knew that everyone thought that the Robin working for him was a facade, a silly child's play, and that that fire driving her towards danger would eventually fade away. Hell, they thought it was over, when he sacked her. Well Matthew thought it was over when she decided to marry him again, he would made sure of it, convincing her of having a child and then her abandoning the work because she was too much correct as to leave her baby alone. But she knew that Strike was right: the mask had been the Yorkshire lost girl all along. With him she never had to lie, he'd knew when she did. She could be angry, excited, sad, happy: he wouldn't care. He accepted her with all she was, and she did the same in return. Wasn't it what you are suppose to have in your life? Complete acceptance, support, a hand that would take yours no matte how dirty or broken it was.
"That's how you really see me?" Her voice came out sore, broken, as if she wouldn't have use it for a long time. She became too self conscious when she saw that now everyone was eying her, while Matthew moved forward, like if he wanted to shield her from her former boss. But she was quicker, and, descended the two steps that would put her in the aisle.
He laughed whole-heartedly, the kind of sound that she only had heard a handful of times and that, he thought, had only produced when she had been near.
"Robin …" He looked into her eyes, with a passion burning in them similar to when he talked about a case that he was really invested into. The kind of stare that had made her love those moments, and maybe, him. "I've seen you in so many difficult situations that the biggest part of the people I know from the army wouldn't have dared to face. I've spent with you so many hours talking about our cases. You and I, we have seen each other in the worse lows in our lives. You came into my life in one of those, and being the incredible, amazing you, made it better. We might have had the Landry case for keeping up the business, you kept me up."
Her heart was pounding quickly in her throat. Would she gather the courage to leave all of this, to leave the wedding behind, Matthew, a steady future? To start from the ground a whole new life? All here life, for what? 'You'd be leaving it all for a dream. Your dream'
"I have been thinking. You could end your degree, I found that you can self study, and then sit your exams. We can work together. We can be the best detectives London has known since Holmes and Watson. I'll change the same in the door. It will be "Strike & Ellacott. PD". Or "Ellacott & Strike", I am not picky"
She did not knew she was smiling until the thick make-up layer was tense, almost like if it was breaking. Robin looked at her parents. Her father seemed confused, but her mother was smiling also. She knew that her mother would stand by her side through hell itself, and that she had been dead worried about Robin's safety. But she wanted her daughter's happiness above everything else. Of course she would want a pretty house, grandchildren and a good husband, but who was she to judge where her daughter's hearts was in? She gave slightly nod of appeasement. Robing glanced her brothers, all looking at her with smiled in their faces, while Martin gave her a thumbs up sign.
She turned herself to Matthew, and she saw crystal clear in a split of a second what her life would be like: exactly as it had been for the part nine years. She didn't think she could last another nine like that. She took her gown in her hands, and approached Sarah, that was there, proud, in second row. She threw the bouquet to her.
"There you are. You can keep it and him for all I care. I-don't-give-a-fuck" She turned quickly to the priest "Sorry father, but I really despise her"
A loud gasp was heard in all the church while Matthew made the attempt to launch himself to her, being stopped by his father. Loud sound of indignation where heard from Matthew's family while she looked to hers one last time and mouthed and "I'll call you" and walked towards Strike, that was standing there, as if he didn't understand what was happening. She came face to face (face to chest, more like it), and took his enormous hand between her delicate fingers.
"I'll ruin you dress Robin"
She laughed, really laughed for what felt like centuries.
"Not that I mind. But we would need more cases, I need to repay it to my parents. And part of the wedding costs to Matthew"
They left the church and the threats behind, hand in hand. When the door was closed, Strike stopped Robin.
" You know I am not asking for anything right? I told you, I jus…." He left her hand and passed it by his face, tired and murky. "I want to have you in my life. Period. I … I want a lot of things, that I am not really sure if either you or me are able to give. I might never be the person you …. would considered to spend your life with. I am way too old for you, too poor, too broken."
"Cormoran" She, wearing heels, was tall enough to reach his chin and hold it, making him look her in the eye " I don't care about horrible childhood, about enemies, about your leg. For me you are just Cormoran, my boss, my friend, my partner …" She left the words hanging in the air. They both know they were more for each other, but neither of them dared to say it. As he said, they weren't healed, he was damaged – he just crashed a wedding for God's sake – and she had just left her own wedding. "I know. I agree, we are not in the best emotional shape right now. But we are we, right? We have dealt with murderers and rapists, we have been through a lot of shit in our lives, and we are alive, so I am sure we could overcome this, whatever it might end up being. You are not perfect, and neither am I, but we do agree that we make a pretty damn good team. "
He did thought that she was the nearest thing he know to perfection, but he didn't say. She smiled widely and retook his hand, walking towards the car where Shanker was waiting, while chatting in the excited way he loved to hear.
"I have to do a lot of things! I have to change from this awful dress and leave it to my parents, maybe they can return it or something. And I need a new flat, preferably near the office mind you, no Central Line anymore for me if I can help it. And I have to sign up for those exams you told me about, think about how having a psychologist will benefit our business. And do not think for a minute I've forgotten about the door " She said in a teasing tone" I'd love to see my name next to yours."
' And who knows?' He thought while looking at her, all happiness and thrill and plans, waving her hand excitedly 'Maybe some day we might need to change it back to just Strike'
Although thinking about it, this new woman, this new person he and her had been discovering, would probably punch him in the face if he suggested to change her maiden name. And he would not want it any other way.