The Blog of Dr. John H. Watson
6th January
Hello, everyone! Some of you (a few in particular, and you know who you are) have been asking if I would ever consider doing a vlog. Up to this point, my answer has been no, but then Lestrade gave Sherlock a video camera for Christmas, and of course Sherlock doesn't use it, so... It was just sitting around. I can't guarantee that a vlog of our daily lives will be exciting or even interesting, but I've decided to have a go at it anyway.
Until I figure out how to use the editing software, the videos might be a bit rough around the edges, so consider yourselves fairly warned. Click on the link below to play the video.
[There is the sound of John cursing softly as the camera turns on; it is too far zoomed in and Sherlock's fingers, flying over the keyboard of his laptop, dominate the frame. This continues for some time, to the soundtrack of John talking to himself, until finally he seems to figure it out and zooms out, inch by inch, until all of Sherlock is visible. He is on the sofa, laptop on his knee, intently focussed on whatever he's doing, apparently unaware of John's presence.]
John: Right, then. Ah, hello. Here we are: 221b Baker Street. Sherlock is hard at work on another case, as you can see. And I... should have thought this through a little more clearly, because I've already run out of things to say.
Sherlock [without looking up]: John, don't mumble.
John: I'm not mumbling, Sherlock, I'm narrating.
[It takes a moment for this to sink in, but when it does, Sherlock looks up with a slight frown.]
Sherlock: Narrating what? What are you doing?
John: A vlog.
Sherlock: Vlog?
John: It's like a blog, but in videos.
Sherlock: Yes, I know what it is, but why would you attempt such an inane thing?
[John sighs audibly, but his voice retains its cheerfulness.]
John: Because, Sherlock, a good number of your readers – our readers – were asking us to, and I thought it might be fun to try. Besides, people like to see that you're human. This is a good way to show them.
[Sherlock is clearly losing interest, his gaze now meandering back and forth between John and the laptop screen.]
Sherlock: Fun.
John: Mm?
Sherlock: You said fun.
John: Yes.
[There is a rough fumbling noise and then the camera is turned toward John, but only half his face is visible. He is smiling sarcastically.]
John: See? I told you he's a barrel of laughs. Let's see what's going on... in here...
[More fumbling noises and then the camera is focussed ahead again, shaking a little as John moves. He turns away from Sherlock, who is now once again absorbed in whatever he's working on. The kitchen suddenly fills the frame as John spins away from the sitting room, pointing the lens into several experiments that seem to be running themselves on the dining table. Amongst the various fluorescently coloured chemicals is an untouched plate of eggs and bacon.]
John: Um, so this is an experiment. I think I mentioned in an earlier post that the kitchen table is usually covered in chemistry – well, this is what I mean. And, ah, that's Sherlock's breakfast next to...
[The camera zooms in on the label of a dubious-looking jar.]
John: Sulfuric acid. Jesus Christ – Sherlock!
Sherlock [from the other room, muffled]: What?
John: Sulfuric acid, really?
[The focus shifts to the threshold of the kitchen, through which we can just barely see Sherlock's feet propped up on the coffee table. The rest of him is obscured by the threshold itself.]
Sherlock: It's an experiment, John. I have to know how it reacts with –
John: Bacon and eggs?
Sherlock: What? No.
John: It's next to your breakfast.
Sherlock: Irrelevant. John, really, you know...
[John takes an audible breath.]
Sherlock and John in unison: I don't eat when I'm on a case.
[There is a huff from the other room, and the camera's focus returns to the kitchen table, giving us a good look at the various beakers and vials and petri dishes and series of tubing cluttering the surface. Occasionally we can see John's hand reaching out to tighten a lid or check the cap of a container or push something a little further from the edge of the table.]
John: Honestly, I'm not even sure if this is legal... Oh well. Let's see...
[John comes to the fridge, stops, and opens it. There is no milk in it, but there is a covered dish. John lifts the cover: chicken casserole. He hums in the back of his throat, replaces the cover, and pulls out of the fridge before shutting the door. Then he travels back to the sitting room, picking his way around the clutter. The camera occasionally points downward, showing John's bare feet as he tries not to step on paperwork or books or parts of experiments. When he reaches the sitting room, his gait slows and he creeps toward the couch in a roundabout way, as though he's trying to sneak up on Sherlock. He comes up behind him, camera focussing on the laptop screen, and zooms in a bit. When Sherlock becomes aware of his presence, he quickly navigates away from a suspiciously blue and white web page.]
John [clearly trying not to laugh]: Was that Facebook?
Sherlock: Research.
[With surprising speed and dexterity, John's arm shoots out over Sherlock's shoulder and tabs over to the previous webpage. It is, indeed, Facebook.]
John: You have a Facebook?
Sherlock: No!
[The camera zooms in.]
John [through laughter]: It's a fan page. For your hair!
[For a few moments, Sherlock doesn't move, but the tips of his ears are turning pink, and after a tense silence he suddenly spills the laptop onto the sofa and turns to lunge at John, reaching out to snatch the camera away.]
John [still giggling]: Sherlock – augh, Sherlock, don't!
[The last thing we hear is Sherlock growling and John laughing heartily, and then the screen goes black.]