Tsunade must've really hated him. Or she was a sadist who enjoyed torturing him. Why else would she saddle him, the infamous lazyass Nara Shikamaru, with one hell of a killer kunoichi?
Especially one as violent as her. Tsunade claimed that his escorting her around was a chivalrous "mission".
What did he call it? One heck of a troublesome—and chivalrous, to some extent—pain in the ass.
She was brazen, overbearing, and ruthless. She interrupted his precious cloud-watching and sleeping time. She forced him to move more than necessary. She blew him around like he was a piece of paper. She kicked his butt all the way to Kiri no Kuni when she was pissed off. And the most troublesome part of it was she just had to cloud his mind all the goddamn time.
It was troublesome, to say the least.
Why did he enjoy her company? Maybe he was a masochist. No. . . that wasn't it. What type of idiot—or genius, in his case—liked getting whacked over the head with a heavy, five-foot iron fan? He didn't like the pain, that was for sure. It was too troublesome. He had better things than the throbbing pain that would result on his head to think about. Besides, if this continued, his IQ of over 200 would soon be reduced to negative digits.
Aha! That was it. His prestigious IQ was the problem.
It gave him extreme power in strategic games. He was able to analyze his opponent's skills. He was clever and sometimes unpredictable. Shikamaru had yet to find someone intelligent enough to beat him in a game of go or shogi.
Yet sadly, his IQ covered everything but common sense. Had he had any at all, he would've stayed as far away as he could from the teal-eyed blonde who enjoyed brutally beating up rivals before blasting them into orbit.
Not that he was her rival or anything. He was her ally.
An ally who got beaten up on a daily basis, but an ally nonetheless. At least, he thought he was. There was no telling with that Suna jonin.
Shikamaru sighed, his eyes following one particularly fluffy white cloud that was drifting along carelessly. He felt a twinge of jealousy. Life would've been much simpler had he been a mass of brainless water vapor. No need to worry about getting killed by other shinobi. No need to worry about missions. No need to worry about—
"Nara Shikamaru, you lazyass!"
-A Suna kunoichi with a fearsome reputation of slicing down perfectly good forests with just a wave of her fan.
Shikamaru's eyes slid shut as he grumbled something about "troublesome woman" and "scarier than my mother". He awaited his inevitable doom, lying peacefully at the top of his favorite hill, watching the clouds without a care to the world. What was the point of wasting energy fretting over something that would've happened anyway? Wasting energy was troublesome.
Getting bashed over the head with huge fans was troublesome.
She was troublesome, point blank.
And Sabaku no Temari came thundering up the hill, brandishing her trademark weapon with murderous intent positively oozing out of her. Shikamaru marveled dully how a girl could look so dangerous holding nothing but a five-foot fan.
"You," Temari snarled, chest heaving, as she skidded to a stop in front of him," are going to die. Right here, right now."
Shikamaru closed his eyes again. "Dying would be too troublesome," he mumbled, his arms behind his head as he lay on the lush, green grass.
"Does it look like I care?" Temari demanded, her black-gloved right hand resting on her hip as she glared down at him. But despite all her apparent anger, her lips twitched ever so slightly.
"Maybe you don't," Shikamaru yawned as he decided watching clouds was less tedious than attempting to ignore her," but I do."
"I never asked for your opinion, crybaby."
"Never said you had to listen to it."
He pretended not to see the throbbing vein in Temari's temple. Instead he focused his attention on the floating puffs of fog wandering across the cerulean sky.
Temari frowned down at him, moving so that she was standing directly above him. Shikamaru stared up at her, his expression a mix between annoyance and laziness.
"You're blocking the way," he grumbled as he patted the ground next to him. "Can you sit down before I change my mind of wanting your company, or could you do me and Konoha the favor of going back to Sunagakure? I think with Naruto, Ino, and all those other crazy people we've got as shinobi, Konoha's pretty screwed up already. We don't really need more chaos, if I do say so myself."
Temari debated for a moment before flopping down alongside him, setting her metal fan down beside her.
"As friendly as ever," she noted dryly as she lay back on the grass.
"I'm just matching your cheerful tones of welcome," Shikamaru replied sardonically. He peeked sideways at her, partially because he was afraid Temari would suddenly turn ninja and kick him to the clouds.
Surprisingly, her foul mood seemed to have vanished. She was smirking now, her four golden pigtails waving gently in the wind. She was wearing her usual black short-sleeved kimono, the scarlet obi wrapped around her waist. Her Sunagakure fore-head protector was proudly displayed across her forehead, glinting silver in the sunlight. Shikamaru huffed and turned back to the sky. Troublesome distractions.
"So why were you mad at me?" he asked nonchalantly as he gazed at the sky.
"When I figure out, I'll tell you."
"You mean you weren't mad at me?"
"Nope. I was pretending."
"Troublesome."
They spent some time peacefully watching clouds together, occasionally commenting on a particularly deformed cirrus or pretty, feathery wisp of vapor.
"That one looks like you," Temari said as she pointed at a cloud shaped like a pineapple. "See, it's got your hairstyle pat down, although the color's a bit off. It needs to be black, not white."
"That one's you," Shikamaru answered, finding one shaped like a four-leafed clover. "Except for the fact that it's relatively peaceful and doesn't seem to have anything against trees."
She scoffed at that. "Trees are some of the sturdiest targets out there. Much better than sand dunes. They make the satisfying cracking sound when the splinter. Sand dunes don't do anything. Besides, it was fun. That psycho flute girl didn't stand a chance."
"That didn't mean you had to chop the whole forest in half."
"It was either that or watching you die, crybaby. And frankly, I'm not that cold hearted that I can just stand by and watch. Besides, I'm the only one who gets to use you as target practice."
And so it continued.
They laughed and teased each other, their joking conversation straying from the clouds occasionally. Eventually they trailed back into a friendly silence, both preoccupied with their own thoughts.
Whydid his thoughts have to center around her the whole time they were there? Why couldn't he just ignore the kunoichi beside him and concentrate on the clouds? Why in the world was he, Nara Shikamaru, thinking about her so much he seemed almost obsessed?
He was a genius with an IQ over 200. He had killed an Akatsuki. He'd formulated a plan that had saved all three Sand Siblings from death.
And he couldn't even control his own thoughts.
He couldn't think of why he cared about her so much. He didn't understand why he liked being around her, why he would even wake up at the earliest hours of the day just to get a few moments more with her before she left after a diplomatic mission.
He remembered asking Choji whether he knew what was driving Shikamaru so crazy. His best friend had replied without hesitation.
"You like her, Shikamaru. Even Naruto's noticed."
Shikamaru cringed at that. Was his infatuation so obvious even to the dense blond of Team Seven?
No. He didn't like her. He didn't like her at all.
. . .
Who was he kidding?
Shikamaru inhaled sharply, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them again. He'd just have to try not to think of anything, then.
Naturally, after trying to ignore everything and anything, Shikamaru was flabbergasted when Temari suddenly rolled over so that their faces were just an inch apart. He could feel his face heating up as he jerked back, stuttering and burning crimson.
"T-temari!"
Temari smirked, her teal eyes gleaming with mischief, as her hand reached up and caught his chin.
"You know," she said pensively as she studied the distance between them," I never thought I'd be the one doing this. I figured that you'd make the first move. You are a man, after all. At least I hope you are. But. . . you're about as dense as Naruto, or maybe even more so, when it comes to feelings. Ah, well. You'd better be worth it, you hear me? Or I swear, I will kill you."
Shikamaru could only stare dumbly as Temari pressed her mouth forcibly to his.
Her lips were soft, harsh, and demanding. Unbeknownst to himself, Shikamaru returned the kiss with just as much insistence. They stayed that way for a few moments before the need for air finally managed to break itself through the veil of happiness that had wrapped itself around Shikamaru's normally sensible mind.
His onyx eyes drifted down to meet Temari's, who was grinning triumphantly. Shikamaru could feel his heart thudding in his ribcage, threatening to burst out and cause a huge, bloody, troublesome mess.
"What. . . brought all this about?" he finally managed to say as his heart returned to its normal, healthy pace. Temari smiled.
"I don't know, really," she said, staring at the clouds thoughtfully. "I guess it all started when Cupid decided to screw up my life. Or he was drunk and missed his mark. Anyways, I found myself attracted to you, instead of wanting to bash your brains out like any sensible person would've done."
"And why?" Shikamaru asked curiously as he studied her. Temari snorted derisively.
"I don't know," she grumbled as she grabbed a leaf that floated by her. "You pissed me off the first moment we met. You were unmotivated, lazy, chauvinistic, unambitious, apathetic, and a sentimental crybaby who beat me then gave up. Kami knows why the hell I started to be attracted to you. But then I, against all sane reasons, was.
"And I liked you enough that I began worrying about rivalry! Kami, that was mortifying. I was upset that you might've been attracted to Shiho, or even—if you laugh I will rip you apart, whether I like you or not—Ino.
"So I went as far as to asking what they thought of you. Well, I didn't bother to ask Shiho, since she was as easy to read as the codes she'd broken herself, but I talked to Ino. She told me she felt nothing more for you than a love of a sister to a brother, and that her affection was with that weird emotionless guy named Sai.
"Then I talked to Choji. He told me that you were never interested in females, since you considered them far too troublesome. You spent your time sleeping and staring at clouds, or playing go or shogi, spending as little energy as possible.
"It pissed me off. I liked you, knew I liked you, and hated you because I liked you. You made me think about you all the goddamn time. Gaara and Kankuro were wondering why I was occasionally staring into space for no reason. Augh. . . I was wasting time on someone who might've not even returned my feelings. You never gave any hint whether you liked me or not. I had to stumble around without knowing what the heck you were thinking. I wanted to knock on that pineapple head of yours just to make sure there was something in there.
"Eventually I got tired of all the waiting. So I decided to just dive into the water and see how things turned out, instead of sitting there all day pulling my hair out."
Shikamaru couldn't help but smile. "And if I tell you what I think, will you promise not to maim me? Getting maimed would be too much of a drag."
He didn't wait for an answer, darting forward and kissing her once more.
She pulled away first, resting her head on his shoulder. "You're going to need to officially ask me out," she warned him, tilting her head back to look him straight in the face.
"Why?" he inquired curiously, cocking his head to the side. "We're as good as dating now."
Temari smirked playfully. "You're the man here, remember? You're supposed to ask me out. After all, I'm only the helpless—" Shikamaru scoffed. Temari, helpless? Something didn't add up. "—Okay, maybe not so helpless, kunoichi in this relationship. Besides, if my brothers don't know that we're officially a couple now, they might rip you limb from limb for laying a hand on their sister."
Shikamaru ran his hand through his raven hair before bringing the Suna kunoichi closer. No doubt, Gaara and Kankuro definitely would kill him.
"It's such a drag…. But fine, you troublesome woman," he griped cheekily into Temari's ear. "Will you go out with me?"
She beamed at him. "That's better. Yeah, I will."
It was frightening how quickly she changed from the somewhat uncertain girl of a few moments ago to the bossy, controlling one now.
Shikamaru settled on stroking her hair, surprised that it was relatively silky and not as tangled as he thought it'd be. He looked down, noticing that Temari was fiddling with the small, jade green leaf she had caught earlier. She held her hand out, letting the soft breezes seize the leaf and spiral it away.
The leaf was tossed in the wind, powerless to resist as the gales carried it away. Shikamaru smiled at that. He knew what is was like to be pushed around and being incapable to protest.
He and the leaf were one of a kind.
They both had no will of their own.
They both just went along with whatever came along.
They both were pushed around by unstoppable forces of nature—Wind and Troublesome Women.
"It's a pretty good comparison," Shikamaru said out loud as the leaf disappeared into the sky.
He was the leaf, she was wind. She blew him whichever way she wanted, and there was nothing he could do to stop this troublesome woman.
Temari blinked at him, twisting around so she could see look on his face. "To what?"
"Us."
"What?"
He smirked. "The way the wind was pushing that poor leaf around; I just couldn't help but think of you and me. You're the wind, being the troublesome, bossy woman you are, blowing me, the lazy, unmotivated leaf around and there's nothing I can do about it."
Temari chuckled quietly. "You're right about that. But if I'm so bad, then why do you like me?"
Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "To be honest, who knows? You're cocky, tactless, arrogant, brutal, violent, and damn troublesome to top it off. When you don't get your way, you blast things to pieces. I don't even have the remotest idea of how you became Sunagakure's ambassador, who's supposed to keep the peace between our two villages. All you do is wreck havoc wherever you go. You're like the harsh desert wind, bowling over anyone who dares to stand up to you without a qualm.
Temari laughed, throwing her head back in a fit of giggles. Shikamaru cracked a lop-sided grin as he pressed his face into her hair.
"Want me to continue?" he breathed as his arms wrapped around her. "The worst part is that you're always invading my privacy."
"Oh?" Temari pressed her lips together in confusion.
"Let me rephrase," Shikamaru amended. "Whenever Tsunade forces me to guide you around, it takes up my usually private time. The scary thing is, I don't mind. Usually."
Temari rolled her eyes. "You're lying."
"I'd never lie to you, Temari."
"Like hell you'd ever lie to me. It's just because you know what painful death would follow."
"Exactly."
They both laughed, Temari reaching up to yank on his ponytail.
So leaf and wind could harmonize together after all.
"HA! Seeeeeee, Kakashi-sensei? I told you they were dating! You're gonna treat me to a bowl of ramen at Ichiraku's! DATTEBAYO!"
Shikamaru's head jerked up, and he twisted around to see. . .
Oh, crap. Were they spying on them the whole time?
Kakashi and Naruto were poised on the very, very top of the tree, with Lee, Sakura, Sai, and Ino perched on lower Choji was there, surprisingly not munching on anything this time. Naruto was yelling at the top of his very large lungs, his deafening voice just as noticeable as his shock of blond hair and orange suit.
"Congratulations, Shikamaru!" Lee hollered, his massive bushy eyebrows and Moe Howard hairdo prominent. "Believe in the power of youth! Show her the passion of your love!"
Kakashi, looking as uninterested as ever, was reading another Icha Icha paradise book, seeming completely absorbed in the work of pervy literature he held in his hands. Ino, looking comely in her purple outfit, and Sakura, pink-hair and aqua eyes sparkling, were snickering. Sai just stared, his pale face blank.
"I never knew you'd be such a romantic, Temari-san!" Ino giggled, flipping her long, cornsilk hair back. "Now I know why you asked me whether I liked Shika or not! Kawaii!"
Temari's eyelid twitched.
"How troublesome," Shikamaru muttered crossly as he turned to look down at Temari, who was smirking in a way that made his blood turn cold. The expression on her face was the same one she wore before she sliced a large portion of Konoha's forest, killing Tayuya, the red-headed female component of the Sound Ninja Four, in the deluge of falling, chopped up trees.
"Heh heh heh heh. . . "
Shikamaru didn't like the tone of Temari's voice.
"T-tema…. They're not trees, you know…" he stammered. Temari didn't listen as she hefted up her three star fan, grinning maniacally all the way.
"Triple stars," she whispered as she uncovered all three lavender circles. Shikamaru flinched.
"Oh, crud. Things are going to turn so troublesome," he muttered in exasperation.
"Kuchiyose! Kirikiri Mai!"
The sound of splintering wood was heard for miles around.
A few moments later, Naruto, Sakura, Lee, and Ino were blown away, leaving a ruined tree in their wake. Temari turned back to smirk at Shikamaru, who was wide-eyed and gaping like a fish. Sai was still sitting expressionless on what was formerly a tree, while Kakashi was laughing to himself as he continued his Icha Icha book, completely unperturbed by the fact that his companions had been blasted away. Choji was rolling down the hill, dazed, as he wondered what the heck an eye-patched weasel was doing with a scythe.
"Well? How was that?"
". . . Let's go somewhere treeless, Temari. . ."
Sai watched as Shikamaru towed Temari away, tilting his coal-black head to one side.
"If that's love, it's awfully violent," the third member of Team Kakashi decided as Shikamaru dragged Temari off into the sunset.