I Know
"James wait!" I yelled, running towards the gorgeous guy who was walking about a hundred metres in front of me. He didn't stop, to tell you the truth, he didn't even turn but I knew he heard me, because I saw him slow down a bit. I jumped to a stop next to him matching his pace. "How's it going?" I asked with my best smile, trying to keep my breathing under control. He looked at me and flashed a lopsided grin. It made me melt, but it didn't look right or real. Something was off. I had studied that face and smile many, many times so I knew.
"Yeah it's good. You?" he said quickly trying to be casual but his voice sounded wrong somehow too.
"I'm fine," I said slowly then tilted my head to the side, my eyes narrowing. He seemed to notice and gave me a questioning look. "What's up? I know something's wrong Are you sick or something?" I asked.
"Yeah just a bit," he said but again he sounded weird.
"No you're not," I said scrutinising him.
"Yeah I am," he said, by now we were out of the hallway and outside on the field. He stopped and plopped down on the ground.
"Don't lie." I said sitting next to him, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was a sign that he was annoyed.
"I'm not lying Lily," he said through somewhat clenched teeth, he still had the smile on his face though but by now it looked more like a grimace.
"James." I said seriously causing him to look up; by now he had lost all pretence and was just staring at me hollowly, "I know that you aren't okay or fine or sick, something's wrong I can tell. I know." I saw something change in his expression and the next thing I knew he was standing,
"What do you know? Seriously Evans, you don't know ANYTHING about me other than my name!"
Evans, well that's a name he hasn't called me in a while. I was scared, this was the first time I witnessed James snap at anyone, he usually held it in. Even though he wasn't, I was good at hiding my emotions so I pushed it behind an emotionless expression and said calmly,
"That's not true," I was scared at how dull and quiet my voice sounded, I felt something wet on my hand and I looked down and realised it was a tear. My tear.
James didn't seem to notice and I was glad. He started pacing back and forth,
"How isn't it true Lily? Tell me what you know about me that isn't obvious to any other stranger."
I took a deep breath and then stood up, looked him in the eye, wiping away another tear before I started quietly at first,
"I know when you are upset, I know when you dislike someone you get a look on your face even though you are trying to seem indifferent, I know that you're middle name is David, I know you have this tiny little bit of green in your eyes that separates them from any other brown or hazel, I know that you have a younger brother named Nick, I know that you're Italian, I know that every week you have dinner or lunch at your grandparents place, that you try to appear perfect and happy to everyone but you aren't, I see your flaws but I also know that they can be overlooked when put next to your good features." I took a deep breath before continuing.
"I know that when your first girlfriend dumped you, you told her that you agreed that it wasn't working, but I know that you were upset inside but didn't show it to anyone, not even me. I know that you take Italian as a subject as well as Philosophy, I know that you try to be a friend to everyone, I know you told me A friend to all is a friend to none and that I spent the week puzzling over what you meant, I know that you love growing things in the garden, I know that you are somewhat technologically challenged, I know that some people think you are somewhat queer I guess, I know I sometimes wonder that too, I know that you are a huge flirt, I know that you have a gorgeous smile which everyone loves, I know that if I love anything about you its that. I know that you like Natalie, I know that you will never like me in that way, I know that I have liked you for the better part of this year." Tears were openly falling now, and I had yelled some of these things at him but I ended quietly, he was staring at me now so I smiled weakly and said,
"I know that right now you think I'm some sort of stalker right now but trust me, all this you told me and can be seen by simple observation." I sat on the ground and looked at my lap wishing I hadn't said half of that but at the same time happy I got it over with. He didn't say anything for a while and then,
"Are you finished?" I looked up and saw that he had put up an emotionless expression; I did the same though I was sure my eyes were bloodshot and my mascara running. I wiped it off as discreetly as I could before I stood up and walked right up to him and said,
"No, I also know that something is bothering you now and I know that I have said all this to show you that I care for you, but one thing I don't know is why I even bother. You don't deserve my tears" With that I turned on my heel and walked off, pretty dramatically and awesomely might I add. I made sure I had turned a series of corners before I started running and then collapsed on the ground. I didn't cry I couldn't, I wouldn't let him get to me.
A week passed and I found myself avoiding James any chance I got. My friends told me they saw him look at me quite a few times, but I refused to look and check for myself so I wasn't sure. And although I hadn't seen that, whenever we did happen to cross paths and I got a look at him I could tell by even his posture that he was upset and I wondered if I had made him that way, I tried not to dwell on that much but I've never really been very successful at keeping him off my mind. I now found myself walking down the same hallway I had run down trying to catch up to him that week before.
"LILY!" I heard someone yell. I knew who it was; I could never forget his voice. I didn't slow down. If anything I sped up, inconspicuous I know. I heard him running but even then I didn't turn but continued to walk out of the hallway and to the same field we were 7 days ago. Only then did I turn my head to see him panting next to me. I didn't want to but I couldn't help but smile a bit. "Took you a while," he said in between breaths.
"Didn't hear you." I said and then plopped down on the grass taking out my Arithmacy homework. He sat down next to me and said nervously,
"Can we talk?"
"We are." I pointed out, purposely ignoring the real meaning of his words and blowing my copper hair out of my eyes.
"I meant properly." When I didn't respond he continued, "I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say, I didn't realise how much I had revealed about myself, I usually try to keep information like that inside my mind,"
"I know." He chuckled a bit but I didn't smile, my face stayed stony. "Look, I admit you do know a lot about me, but you don't know everything, and one or two of the things you've said weren't true. The way I've acted, I don't know why you bother with me either," I looked up and smiled slightly (albeit evilly).
"What was I wrong about then?" I asked looking away from his piercing gaze. He wouldn't have it like that though; he took my chin and tilted it up until my eyes met his.
"I don't like Nat, not anymore, and I did like you, long ago, and now still." I must have looked shocked because he smiled his beautiful smile and said, "Don't look so surprised, you are beautiful and smart and all around pretty damn awesome, why wouldn't I like you?" It was a rhetorical question but I still answered,
"Because I'm difficult." He laughed softly.
"Who isn't?" Then he moved closer and put an arm around me loosely, tightening his grip after a moment when I didn't shrug it off or move away. I couldn't, I wasn't giving in, I just knew the smile would disappear if I did, and also, I was quite comfortable right here, that's all. I just kept staring at his face, not daring to look away. I had a whole week of staring to get through now. James noticed and smiled again then leant closer until our faces were but a mere hairbreadth away from each other.
"You're amazing Lil's" he whispered then he closed the gap.
As my lips met his, time stopped.