Title: Take Me Or Leave Me
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Puck/Kurt
Genre: songfic
Warning: no warnings… just fun.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything about GLEE… yet. But if all goes according to plan. Come Monday morning. (cue evil laugh)
Author Notes: Um… the idea just hit me because I was reading the Puck/Kurt story, I'll Cover You, and it inspired me to watch RENT. And I think that Puck and Kurt would work better as Maureen and Joanne in terms of personality.
Summary: established Puck/Kurt relationship. Kurt catches Puck flirting in the hallway and a musical number ensues.
TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME
Kurt Hummel was pissed off. No, he was furious. No no, he was furiously pissed off. Here he was, all dolled up in his best Gucci, McQueen, and Prada for his and Puck's one year anniversary, and where was the ex-mohawked teen? Down the hall, flirting with a couple of skanky Cheerios, who had obviously shortened their skirts despite Coach Sylvester's wrath at altering the uniform. Mercedes was at his shoulder chatting on and on about something, but Kurt wasn't paying his friend and fellow diva the slightest bit of attention. His attention was solely focused on Puck, who just stood there as one of the Cheerios put her hand on his waist. He saw red when his boyfriend reached down and flicked the hem of her skirt.
"Kurt!" Mercedes snapped. "Are you even listening to me?" She looked to her best friend and followed his eyes down the hall toward Puck. "Motherfu-"
"I'll handle this, Mercedes." Kurt said icily interrupting her, taking off his stylish fedora and handing it to his friend without even a glance. With a quick set of his already perfect hair, Kurt was marching down the hall toward his boyfriend and the two cheerleaders. He slid in between his man and the girls, putting a hand on Puck's very muscular chest and spared a sweetly sarcastic look toward the Cheerios. "Excuse us, ladies. I need to borrow my boyfriend for a second."
"What's up, babe?" Puck said with a laugh in his voice.
"Do you have to do this today?" Kurt hissed at the taller teen.
"What are you talking about, Kurt?" Puck asked, his voice no longer laughing. "We were just talking."
"Right?" Kurt's voice expressed his disbelief. Puck's face lost his trademark smirk and darkened at the tone in his boyfriend's voice.
"You know what?" Puck stated, his voice harsh. "I can't take much more of this." Kurt raised his eyebrows at that statement. Puck elaborated. "This obsessive-compulsive, control freak paranoia."
"What?"
"I took out my nipple ring because it grossed you out." Puck stated. Kurt opened his mouth to interrupt but Puck kept going. "I didn't stay at Santana's party last night, because you wanted to go home."
"You were flirting with the woman in rubber." Kurt managed to choke out without clawing out his boyfriend's eyes, referring to some girls ridiculous Halloween costume.
"There will always be women in rubber flirting with me!" Puck interrupted Kurt, his voice rising. Everyone in the hallway stopped what they were doing, teachers and students, to turn and stare at the couple, their interest peaked. Sam looked down at his girlfriend and Quinn just looked back before shrugging in confusion, both turning to watch the spectacle unfold. "Give me a break!" Puck's look grew more sympathetic.
"Every single day, I walk down the street, I hear people say 'Baa-aby, so sweet." Puck sang. "Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me." He flexed his biceps, proving his point. "Girls, boys, I can't help it baby." Kurt snorted and crossed his arms before turning to walk back to Mercedes. Puck followed him. "So be kind, and don't lose you're mind. Just remember," he wrapped his arms around Kurt from behind, halting his movements. "That I'm your baby." He turned Kurt in his embrace so they were looking at each other again. He linked his right hand with Kurt's left and began to sway in a dance that had no music.
"Take me for what I am. Who I was meant to be" He twirled Kurt slowly under his arm and back, "Take me baby," he moved Kurt's hand down toward his belt buckled. Kurt angrily snatched his hand back. "Or leave me."
"Take me baby, or leave me."
Kurt rolled his eyes and strode through the doors that led into the cafeteria, not even bothering to wait for Mercedes. Puck followed him before anyone else and stomped right up to a table and climbed atop, to the gasps of many students and Finn's "Dude, you're standing in my meatloaf." Kurt spun around to see, his blue eyes wide.
"A tiger in a cage, can never see the sun." Puck continued to sing. "This stud needs his stage. Baby, lets have fun." He hopped down and approached his boyfriend, oblivious to the students and teachers watching them. "You are the one I chose. Folks would kill to fill you shoes." He gestured to the numerous students blatantly staring at him. "You love the limelight too, now baby. So be mine, and don't waste my tii-iii-ime." He lifted up his shirt, revealing his solid abs as he approached Kurt. "Crying, 'Oh, Honey Bear, are you still, my, my, my baby?'" Kurt reached out and pulled Puck's shirt down and in turn, his large boyfriend reached for his hair.
"Don't you dare!" Kurt practically snarled, turning to walk out the other side of the cafeteria with Puck following him, and their fellow Glee members following him.
"Take me for what I am!" Puck sang. "For who I was meant to be." The strode down the hall toward one of the staircases. "And if you give a damn, take me baby, or leave me." Students stopped and outright stared at the procession as it went by. Kurt started to climb the stairs, reaching the first landing before Puck upped his performance. Coach Sylvester and Mr. Shuester stuck their heads out of Sue's office where they had been arguing and approached the Glee students, who were standing back a bit from Puck.
"What's going on?" Mr. Shue asked. Mercedes turned to glare at him, a finger over her lips before pointing back to the scene.
"No way, can I be what I'm not!" Puck continued. "But hey, don't you want your boy hot?" Again he lifted his shirt and ran his hand across his abs, sliding it down to rub just above the edge of his jeans. "Don't fight it, don't lose you're head." He climbed the stairs quickly yet steadily. "'Cause every night, who's in your bed." A pause. "Who?" He lowered himself and crawled the rest of the way up the steps toward Kurt before standing and once again wrapping his arms around the smaller teen. "Who's in your bed?" He leaned in until his lips were mere centimeters from Kurt's. "Kiss, princess."
"It won't work." Kurt sang back, pushing the larger teen back slightly. "I look before I leap, I love margins and discipline. I make lists in my sleep, baa-aby. What's my sin?" Puck opened his mouth but Kurt kept on singing. "Never quit, I follow through. I hate mess," He slid his hand down Puck's side. "But I looove you." Puck removed his hand. "What to do with my impromptu baby?" He sidled up to Puck, getting up in his personal space. "So be wise, 'cause this boy satisfi-ii-ies." His hands slid over Puck in places he knew very well, causing Puck's breath to hitch. "You got a prize, who don't compromise, you're one lucky baby!" Kurt slowly peeled off his ivory McQueen suit jacket as he sang and threw it in the air with that last note. Puck caught it on habit.
"Take me for what I am!" Kurt sand, turning his back on Puck and marching down the stairs, arms wide.
"A control freak." Puck stated, following him slowly, folding Kurt's jacket as he went.
"For who I was meant to be!" Kurt continued.
"A snob, yet over attentive." Puck put in.
"And if you give a damn." Kurt turned at the bottom of the stairs to look back up at Puck and point to him.
"A lovable, droll geek."
"Take me baby, or leave me."
"And anal retentive!" Puck said louder, thrusting the jacket at Finn and following Kurt into the choir room where the band was setting up for that afternoons Glee practice. They all stopped and stared at the scene before them.
"That's it," they sang together, glaring at one another.
"The straw that breaks my back." Kurt followed with, turning to walk further into the room.
"I quit." Once again, in unison.
"Unless you take it back." Kurt turned to look at him, sadness in his eyes.
"Us men!' They sang together again.
"What is it about them." Puck sang, looking toward Sue.
"Can't live."
"With them or without them." Puck finished. Then they were bracing themselves on opposite sides of the piano, gripping it tightly as they glared at each other. Their fellow members of New Directions sitting in their chairs to watch the spectacle.
"Take me for what I am." The practically screamed at each other.
"For who I was meant to be." Kurt sang, with Puck echoing "For who I was meant to be."
"And if you give a damn." Puck continued with Kurt adding his own "If you give a damn."
"Take me baby." Kurt went on, standing up straight and gesturing to himself with Puck sliding seductively around the piano toward his boyfriend, singing: "Oh, take me baby, take me…or leave me!"
"Take me babe-eh-EH!" They were standing nose to nose now, arms around each other's waist. "Or leave me." They both backed up at the same time.
"Guess I'm leaving." they said in unison, both sounding slightly depressed on top of angry. "Yeah, I'm gone." With that, they both turned and left through the separate entrances to the choir room, each fuming.
After a few minutes pause of everybody just sitting there, looking dumbstruck, Brittany turned to Quinn.
"Maybe now, you two can get back together." she said innocently, referring to Puck. There was another long moment of silence before Sam's brain caught up.
"Hey!"
Reviews would be bitchin'. This is my first Glee fanfic and I would love to get some feedback. Also, this was unbeta-ed, so if you leave a comment, I'll try to zip right in and fix it. Again, reviews are welcome, even flames, because after all, I am a flamer.