One shot! I thought of this at like 12am one night and had to write it.
After years of fighting Dib and Zim soon realized that fighting was becoming quite ridiculous since it was only the two of them, no one else really cared about the two boys or the fate of the world for that matter.
So in their senior year of high skool they decided to become friends. Sure it was awkward at first and they were still getting the hang of not trying to kill each other every time one angered the other but it was a working process. It was a Friday and like every other Friday both boys left the skool together.
"So Zim." Dib started rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Hmm?" the irken hummed showing that the human had his undivided attention.
"Well I was thinking. What if we went… you know… to my house today?" Dib asked nervously fiddling with his shirt. The irken raised a nonexistent eye brow. They normally always went to Zim's on Fridays so they could work on experiments without Dib's adult human interrupting their thinking.
"I mean my dad's not going to be home until next week and Gaz is at a friend's so we could just hang without anyone bothering us. Heh." Dib quickly said while looking anywhere but Zim. The irken had stopped walking, instantly stopping Dib from walking. Zim was confused why the Dib was being what was the word, awkward? But never the less nodded his head.
"Sure Dib stink we can go to your Dib base." Zim told the other with a shrug and started heading in a different direction. Dib let out a breath of relief.
Turning quickly Zim poked Dib in the chest deepening his voice and giving Dib a dark look while darkly whispering "But if you try to expose me. I. Will. Kill. You." he then turned and continuing walking to Dib's house as if the threat never happened. Dib slightly startled quickly caught up to Zim.
They walked in silence for the rest of the walk. When they got to Dib's house they instantly headed to Dib's room.
"sooooooo…. Dib human what did you have planned for us to do." Zim asked as he sat on Dib's bed.
"Well I'm not sure if you would want to because we are still working on our friendship but I have something in mind. That is if you're ok with it." Dib said nervously. He fiddled with the white things in his pocket hoping Zim would say yes. Dib has been wanting to do this ever since they figured it was a waste of time to fight.
-Time skip-
The bed creaked with their rough movements. The moans could be heard out into the hall.
"I thought you've never done this before?" questioned a breathless Dib.
A seductive irken voice answered back "I haven't I used what you earthlings call the Ethernet."
A breathless chuckle came from Dib. "Internet but whatever."
The noise continued as if it was never stopped.
-In another part of the house-
Gaz slammed the front door closed with her foot eyes focused on her new game slave. Some stupid kid had taken the last new game slave and she just got back from torturing the kid until he gave it to her.
Walking up to her room she heard a weird noise. Pausing her game when slapping and groans of pain was heard, and they steadily grew louder.
"Faster. Faster! FASTER!" Zim voice ordered. Then there was a loud moan of "Dib beast" that resonated from the irken a moment later.
Eyes wide Gaz walked closer to her brother's door. Mouth agape at what she heard her brother groan
"Zim! Why do you insist on trying to beat me at everything? Let loose, and just enjoy it."
"Zim will try harder to enjoy it. It is your turn Dib beast." Said Zim. Eyes wide Gaz's jaw hit the floor at that.
"What is going on here?!" Gaz yelled as she slammed open her brother's door. Her eyes widened even further at the scene in front of her.
A chuckle busted trough her lips before she could stop it. Soon she was clutching her side bellowing in laughter.
"Don't laugh at us!" Dib shrieked in embarrassment. Wiping a few tears from her eyes she had to hold back more laughter when she looked at them again.
She had never seen something as sad and embarrassing as what her brother and 'alien' were doing.
The two boys were on Dib's bed sitting across from each other. Dib was leaning over a pile of white things that sat between them. Thus putting Dib in the perfect position to be able to kiss the irken.
This scene was what she expected.
What made her bust out laughing was the white objects. Cards. They were playing cards. And by the position of them it seemed to her they were playing the most violent card game she knew. Egyptian rat slap.
Gaz just shook her head and gave a small smile at her brother's ridiculousness
"I was going to say to use protection but apparently your Dibness is protection enough." She chuckled and walked away. Dib face went slack from realization and his face instantly turned red from embarrassment.
"A-at least c-close the door." Dib stuttered after his sister.
"Don't tell me what to do Dib." She hatefully yelled back slamming her bedroom door.
Dib huffed and got off the bed to close his door so they could privately finish their game.
"What was the meaning of your smelly human sister's convulsions?" Zim questioned.
"I heard that Zim!" Gaz's voice echoed up causing the irken to cringing in fear.
Dib just rolled his eyes starting to close his door. "She thought we were having s- well how can I explain it to you. When two humans want to reproduce they have well…..sex. That's what she thought we were doing." Dib answered the irken still facing the door so Zim wouldn't see how red his face had become at such an embarrassing topic.
"Oh~" Zim stated mischievously.
Turing around he had to cover his mouth to keep from busting out laughing. Zim had struck a "paint me like your French girls" pose on top of the bed.
"Zim has also read up upon this SEX on the Ethernet! How do they say it? Give Zim some of the sugar Dib child human." Zim confidently said causing Dib to stiffly his laughter even more.
"no. no. no." Dib said in-between giggles.
"What is Zim not doing the courting the correct way?" Zim questioned with actual concern in his voice. "Should Zim do what the humans males say to do for their bears of sugar? Should I get you the horrific plant species of bright colors?! Or the dreaded brown substance that resemble dog extremities?"
Dib's full blown laughing now. Trying to get his breathe back can't seem to stop laughing.
Seeing Dib struggle with breathing he asked seriously "Dib beast do you need the humans KISS OF LIFE?!"
Wiping his eyes he just chuckles "no. no, just go home Zim. I'll see you tomorrow."
Letting out a large evil laugh Zim shouts "it is what the humans call A DATE Dib beast!" at that he jumps out of Dib's window using his pack legs to land safely on the ground.
Shaking his head Dib picks up their cards. "Man this is going to be hard to explain."
Hope you liked it!