Brofist to all PewDiePie fans. This is pretty… stupid and weird, but I had to do something. I mean, I even have the same birthday as him. It's pretty awesome. I hope you get some enjoyment out of this. Rated T for language, references, and PEWDIEPIE!

BROFIST!

When I woke up, a buff guy sprayed in gold body glitter was glaring down at me.

"Um…" I said slowly, coughing and rubbing my forehead. There was a giant throbbing knot on the center of it. I studied the guy in front of me. He was easily taller than me, with lean muscle. He had a large golden sword strapped to his waist. He wore golden robes too.

The room that I was in was fairly bare. The walls were illuminated by the golden guy's lantern, which gave everything weird shadows. There were a few tables and wooden chairs. I stared at the ceiling and tried to get rid of thee terrible pounding in my brain.

But because of the lantern, I could just make out a stain on the ceiling, and something dripped down and it my head. I brought my hand up to touch it and studied my newly stained fingers. I stifled a little gasp.

Dark red blood.

"Well, get up, fatass," said the golden guy. He had a strong French accent. It seemed as if he wanted to be nice, but knew there wasn't any time for it. "Or you'll be eaten alive, and then I'll have to clean up the mess."

"I love you," someone said, and I turned my head to the side. It was a very petite girl with short black hair. She wore all black and had large, round eyes. She jumped on me, wrapped her arms around my torso, and said, "I love you."

"Um, I have a girlfriend," I said cautiously. I looked around, hoping for help. Along with Miss Clingy and Golden Boy, there were two others. One of them was as big as Honey Boo Boo's mom, and the other one looked smart, with glasses and a kilt. They both wore expressions of distaste.

Finally, the smartie came over and picked the girl up. She'd been hugging my legs and making declarations of love for a few minutes, her grip so tight that I hadn't been able to shake her off.

"Sorry about her," he said, and he reached down to help me up. He was wearing all green. The fabric looked like velvet and had some sort of design on it. He was lithe and had calculating eyes, like he was always planning and looking for something. He sighed greatly like his day had just gotten a whole lot worse. "She has abandonment issues."

As if to further confirm what he said, she peeked over his shoulder and grinned. "I love you."

"Uh, yeah. But I'm dating Marzia, so…" I trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

"You're accent is sexy," the girl said, reaching for me. I backed up a little bit. "What is it?"

"Um, Swedish," I stuttered, and then Mama June 2.0 came up to me. Actually, he waddled. Fat rolls were jiggling out of his clothes, which were torn and splattered in blood. I backed up some more, but he caught me on the shoulder and clapped me on the back.

"Wait! Who are you people anyway, and where the hell am I?"

Golden Boy sighed. "I am Stephano, if you must use names. This is Jennifer, Mr. Chair, and Piggeh. We'll be saving your life. It doesn't matter where you are. You're in a castle, and some people are going to try and rape, kill, and eat you, so if you don't mind we'll be saving your sorry ass."

I gulped. "Okay… well, I'm Felix, or PewDiePie, or Pewds, and… But this still doesn't make any sense. How'd I get here? I could've sworn I was in Italy, last I checked. And why should I trust you people? I just met you!"

"Great, you have amnesia," Mr. Chair grumbled, straightening out his kilt. "Too bad. Let's get out of here."

"I'll lead the way, as always," Stephano said as he started to walk away from them. Jennifer followed behind quickly, almost tripping over her own feet and laughing quietly with excitement. I wondered if she was possibly mentally challenged.

Piggeh followed too. He was coughing and going, "I'm pumped, I'm so freaking pumped."

Mr. Chair shook his head and straightened his glasses. "Follow along, Felix. It's easy to get lost here."

Reluctantly, I hurried along through the open door. My footsteps echoed through the long corridor, where there were many doors on either side of the hallway. Torches lined the walls, as if I had been blasted back a hundred years into the past. One large door led out to another part of the so called castle I was. The rest of the group was standing by it and waiting for Mr. Chair and I.

I looked down at myself. I was wearing tattered jeans and an old polo, and I found myself to be drenched in blood. I wasn't hurt, which meant this wasn't my own blood. "Oh, for fuck's sake," I whispered, and sniffed my arm. I gagged and lowered it quickly.

Piggeh looked at me. "You okay?" he asked, and then saw that I was staring at my body. "Hm, yeah, that happens sometimes."

"Sometimes?" What was that supposed to mean? Mr. Chair nudged me and reached into his pocket. Out of it came a brass key, which he tossed to Stephano. He caught it and shoved it into the iron lock. It opened up quickly.

"Let's just take this really fucking easy," Stephano said quietly, opening the door. It made a sickening creaking sound, and I shivered. Goosebumps appeared on my arms. Golden Boy looked around the corner, and then motioned for us to follow him as he walked into the darkness.

Jennifer followed along happily, and Piggeh wobbled his way through the doorway. Mr. Chair shrugged and followed too, leaving me alone in the corridor.

The fire on the walls crackled. The paint was peeling off, and the wooden supports had been eaten by termites. I turned around to look where I had come from. There were only doors, but none of them seemed to lead out. I gulped.

How did I get amnesia?

I went through the doorway too and into the perpetual black. Soon, it let up, and I was greeted by a large room filled with candles. There were bookcases everywhere, though, creating a maze of books and shelves.

I took one step forward and heard a shriek. I stopped in my tracks and was nailed in the face by something. I pushed it off, and it fell to the ground with a thud. I looked down and gaped. It was a naked guy. Like, completely naked. I could see everything.

"Teleporting Naked Guys," Stephano confirmed. "They work with the Barrels and the Bro. We need to stay away from them."

"Wait, what the fuck?" I yelled. "Who are the Barrels and the Bro? What do they want with me?"

"They're the ones who want to kill you," Piggeh confirmed, trying to shake off Jennifer from his arm. He scratched his head with his free hand. "They're douches, and they hate us, but they'll hate you even more."

"Why me? I have amnesia, for crying out loud. Why do they hate me?"

"Don't take it personally," Mr. Chair said. "Just go with it. We're doing our best to help you."

"And why is that? You don't know shit, bro."

"We have nothing better to do," Piggeh admitted, and Stephano hit him. "What? It's the truth."

"I love you," Jennifer said.

"Let's go then," I sighed, walking forward and around one side. Stephano protested and said something about how he should be leading the way. He was the one with the lantern, after all. But I had had enough of all of this. I made my second turn before I heard someone yelled out.

"Hey, PeeewwwDie."

"Who's there?" I yelled back, turning around. I couldn't see anyone. And then Stephano was by my side, a hand on my shoulder. "Those were the Barrels," he explained. "They're bad people, so don't listen to them."

I nodded and looked around some more. There was a window. It was twice my height and five times my width, and it was raining hard outside. Thunder and lightning went off, and for a second I thought about jumping out of the window and making a run or it. Then I saw how high up I was and realized I would probably be killing myself if I even tried.

"If the Barrels are here, then the Bro won't be far behind." We moved quicker, making twists and turns throughout the maze. The sounds of our footprints got progressively louder as we got more desperate to move. Piggeh was, by far, the slowest of us.

Stephano peaked around the side of a case. "Okay, it's safe." We reached a new door, and before anyone could stop me, I ran up and yanked on the handle. Of course, it had to be locked.

"Um, Felix, you may want to back up," Jennifer said quietly, which was weird, because she wasn't saying I Love You. I did, and then the door broke down it one, huge crack.

I jumped, and Stephano's lantern went out. "This is when you run," he murmured to me, and I didn't need to be told twice. I turned around and sprinted like Satan was coming after me.

Soon, I was totally lost. "Fuck this shit," I whispered. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't even know where I was. I barely knew who I was.

Okay, time to camp in a corner. I found a corner behind a table, surrounded by bookcases, and crouched in it. There was going to be no way for me to escape, but maybe this so called Bro wouldn't be able to find me.

The four of my allies were calling out my name, but I wouldn't say anything because that would give away my location. I took small, shallow breaths and closed my eyes. That's when I heard the monstrous voice thunder, "It's raping time."

I shoved my fist in my mouth to stifle my own scream. Things had started to break. I heard Jennifer scream out, and I knew that nothing good was going to come out of this situation. Stephano said something hurridly, and Piggeh crashed down. Mr. Chair cried out in pain.

The table in front of me broke, and I heard that same terrible voice say, "Hey there Sugar Tits."

I could see it. The monster, the Bro, wore a loin cloth around its waist and had gaping jaws with huge lips so that I could see the black void of its mouth. There were leather straps wrapped around his moldy skin, and its eyes pierced mine. I knew I was going to die as it approached slowly. It knew it had won and it took its time making its way toward me.

Famous Last Words:

"Hm. Dat ass."

Well, you have to watch PewDiePie to understand some of the stuff that went on in the story... okay, all of it. Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading!

REVIEWS ARE LOVED! PLEASE DROP OFF ONE! BROFIST!

-BBH