Chapter One: Thermal What?
Shepard's just woken up, and now he can't even figure out how to make his gun work.
"Okay Shepard, there's a weapons locker to you're left," the voice from the speaker told him. "You should be able to find some armour as well as a pistol in there."
"Thanks Miranda." Shepard opened up the locker, and was delighted to find that his guide was correct. The armour was basic, but would provide decent protection. The pistol was a model he'd never seen before. He picked it up, and attached it to his new armour's weapon holster.
"Shepard, you've got mechs inbound to your position!" Miranda shouted at him through the speaker. "You should take cover, and gun them down as they break through the door."
"Right." Shepard ducked behind a pile of crates, and waited for the mechs to enter the room. The loud clanking of metal feet striking the floor of a hallway alerted him to their location. He pulled out his pistol, and waited for the mechs to get in sight. Suddenly, the door opened, and three humanoid shapes appeared in front of him. Shepard aimed the pistol at the round white head of the lead mech, and depressed the trigger.
He waited expectantly for the loud bang of a pistol. Instead, he heard the click of a gun unwilling to fire. "Well fuck. I guess we're doing this the hard way." A glowing blue veil appeared around his body, and the three mechs went flying into a wall, exploding as they hit its unyielding surface. Satisfied that the three mechs were no longer a threat, he looked up at the speaker above him. "Hey, Miranda. This gun doesn't work."
"What? It must be out of thermal clips. You should be able to find some along the way. Until then, just use your biotic powers."
"Thermal what?"
"Thermal clips, you know, the things that make the gun fire."
"Why should I need a thermal clip to fire, when guns work perfectly fine without one? Is this thing from the last century?"
"Shepard, all state of the art weapons use thermal clips." She was clearly exasperated by his ignorance.
"Like hell they do. The last time I woke up, I was using the best weapons available. They definitely didn't use thermal clips."
"Shepard, I don't know what's wrong with you, but weapons have been using thermal clip technology for a long time. It's been that way for the last ye- oh, right."
"What do you mean, oh right? I've been using weapons for a long time. Never, have I seen one that uses thermal clips. Not in the last year, not even when I first enlisted!"
"Shepard," the woman began. "That's the problem. The last time you woke up was two years ago."
"Wait, two... years?"
"I know it's hard to take in, but now is not the time. We'll talk about this when we get to the escape shuttle, but we need to get you off this station."
"Yeah, right. But when we get out of here, I'm going to need a nice long explanation of exactly what's going on here."
"Of course, commander."
Up next: So, where's this thing go?
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