This one is an add on to the piece I wrote called The Validity of Faith and takes place a few months after the events of that story. In it I had Father Mitch thinking of a joke to play on Booth. Well, here is that joke played out. I hope you all enjoy it. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Booth was in a happy mood this day. He was in his beloved Man Cave, all decked out in a Phillies uniform that Bones had gotten him and he was watching an early season home game for the Phillies on the mammoth 160 inch plasma screen in said Man Cave with his good friend, and Parish Priest, Father Mitch. Mitch was not in his collar, but was instead wearing blue jeans and a Phillies jersey. Not terribly unusual, but at the same time not incredibly common, either. The game had just begun and Booth was enjoying a cold beer and a hot dog. Bones had even gotten him a mini hot dog stand and bun warmer for the Man Cave and it was like he was actually at the damn game. God he loved her!
"So how've you been, Mitch?" Booth asked. He hadn't seen his friend in a couple of weeks as he'd been out of town on a case with Bones, so it was time to catch up. He'd be going to confession the next day and was already prepared to be called a pervert a massive number of times considering all that he and Bones had gotten up to, both in his mind and for real.
"Actually, not so well, Seeley," Mitch told him, not letting the merry twinkle in his eyes show. He was about to unleash a master prank on Seeley. "I've been doing some deep soul searching since I had a long philosophical discussion with Temperance just before the two of you left on your case two weeks ago."
"Oh?" Booth managed to squeak out, alarm bells going off in his head. This did not sound good. Long discussions on philosophy with Bones usually meant deep discussions about his imaginary friend as she called God. He could only imagine the damage she'd possibly done with Mitch. The fact that Mitch used the term deep soul searching also scared the crap out of him.
"Actually it was a discussion involving myself, Temperance, and also the Cardinal as he was interested in meeting her," Mitch continued, enjoying the slightly horrified look on Seeley's face. The Cardinal was the head of the DC Diocese, and also the acting Papal Nuncio until a formal Nuncio was appointed.
"The Cardinal?" Booth squeaked in an even higher pitch. He set down his half eaten hot dog, his stomach suddenly not feeling so settled. He wondered if he had any Pepto in the house, and made a note to make sure that he stocked up. He had a feeling he was going to need it.
"Yes, it was a fascinating discussion on the assumptions inherent within a study of the Summa Theologica," Mitch explained. "The primary assumption being the existence of God."
"Which you guys defended, right?" Booth practically pleaded, though he wasn't quite sure why.
"At first," Mitch conceded, making this up as he went, having decided to really ramp it up for the sake of a great joke. Hopefully Seeley wouldn't have a stroke before it was over. "But then something startling occurred."
"Startling?" Booth questioned, already horrified beyond belief and he didn't even know what had happened yet. The game was still on but already forgotten, the wonderful, beautiful mammoth screen merely window dressing now.
"Temperance, in the course of her argumentation, convinced both the Cardinal and myself that God does not in fact exist, thus we are resigning our priesthood," Mitch told him. "There won't be a news report until next week, but as of this morning both myself and the Cardinal are no longer members of the Catholic Church."
Booth almost lost control of his bladder and bowels at that shocking announcement. Some Modernist twit he could see succumbing to Bones' atheistic gobbledygook, but Mitch and also a Prince of the Church? What the Hell had happened?
"Huh?" was all he managed to get out. His powers of speech were not in proper working order right then.
"As you know, the resignation of a Cardinal, and also his leaving the Church, is not something that happens often-"
"You think?" Booth snapped.
Mitch carried on with his joke. This was going to be over the top. Epic, even.
"The Cardinal Secretary of State at the Vatican was, needless to say, startled, and let it be known that he, as well as Pope Benedict XVI wish to meet the person responsible for the loss of, and I quote, a valuable Prince of the Church and a promising, valuable parish priest," Mitch told him. "They will be making an extra day available for that purpose during their visit to Washington, DC next month."
Booth was almost hyperventilating. Bones had done this kind of damage? In one conversation? He knew that introducing her to Mitch all those years ago would wind up being a colossal mistake and now he had the proof! And what of himself? His soul was on the proverbial chopping block over this one and he knew it! His Holiness would want to know just what genius introduced Bones to Mitch and the former Cardinal and it would be good old Seeley Boy who would would be facing their wrath. It wouldn't be just a few measly extra centuries in Purgatory for this beauty, but instead all eternity in the Inferno! Then another horrifying thought occurred to him. What if Bones, in the course of meeting the Pope, convinced that saintly man that God didn't exist? The Man Upstairs would probably create a new and special level of Hell for one Seeley Joseph Booth over this state of affairs!
Mitch watched as he saw the myriad of horrific thoughts flashed across Seeley's face. This was too fun! Fortunately he had been given special permission from the Cardinal to play this joke on Seeley. The Cardinal was one who loved a good April Fools joke, and he knew Seeley well. In fact His Eminence had laughed long and hard when he had laid it out to him the other day. That didn't mean that they would not be spending time with their own confessors over this prank, but it was worth it. God created humor, and this was a situation that they could see God forgiving them a good joke.
"Uh...uh...uh...," Booth stammered, trying to think of anything to say that could avert this monumental, apocalyptic catastrophe, but nothing would come to mind. He was amazed that he had clean boxers on at that point. All he knew was was that he and Bones were going to have a very long talk about appropriate topics of discussion, and in that short, short list the existence of God would be noticeably missing! He could also imagine the astronomical number of Hail Mary's and Our Father's that would be handed down on him for this one, and also the myriad of other elements of his penance when he went to confession. He doubted he would find a very sympathetic confessor anytime soon. He was going to be labeled as the modern day Judas Iscariot for sure!
"Oh, and one more thing, Seeley," Mitch said at just the right moment.
"There's more?"
If it were possible Seeley looked even more green and sickly at the thought that this could get worse than it already was. This was one for the ages, that was for sure.
"Oh, yes," I assured him leaning forward and pinning him a focused look. "April Fools, Seeley."
A/N: I decided to leave it right there and let you, the wonderful audience, come up with, in your own minds, Booth's reaction to finding out that this was all an elaborate April Fools Day prank. I hope you enjoyed this one. Gregg.