Title: Were They Cute or What?
Co-written by Rosie Briar, Dreamy Child, and Rosemary (Dreamy Child's
cousin)
Summary: a weird, insane story of what the characters from the X-Files
might have been like when they were in kindergarten
Spoilers: regarding to the actual show? None. Regarding to the insanity of
the authors? Everything.
Note: XXXX means it's going to be present time, and time will go back by
the same indicator.
***
"Now Fox," Teena Mulder said as she handed her son his breakfast, "Promise me that you won't scare other kids again."
"But Mom!" a young Fox Mulder protested, stuffing a spoonful of corn flakes and milk into his mouth, "It's true that aliens exist! Ask Dad!"
Teena glared accusingly at her husband. William Mulder just shrugged and looked back to his newspaper.
"Anyway, Fox," Teena sighed heavily as she scooped up Samantha Mulder, who just came downstairs, to give her the daily morning hug and kiss, "Don't scare other children. And remember-"
"There are better ways to impress Dana Scully than announcing to everyone that I'm her boyfriend," Fox recited blankly, gulping down the last of his breakfast.
"Right. And I don't want to see another broken nose that suggests you had a fight with John Doggett; just try to be nice to everybody, okay?"
"Okay," Fox said with his fingers crossed behind him where his mother couldn't see.
"Good. Now let's get you to school."
***
Margaret Scully walked into the empty classroom with Dana Scully, her youngest child. Back in the car, Bill and Melissa were staring hard at each other, ready for another fight or argument, and Charlie was shifting restlessly in his seat; he didn't feel comfortable when his siblings were ready to wave their fists around.
"Now Dana-"
"I promise you Mr. Skinner won't call and say that I tried to dissect anything!" Dana blurted, eyeing the dollhouse and the toys scattered around it in the corner. "I promise!"
"Good. Remember, you can leave the learning to until you're in medical school," Margaret said, satisfied. She walked behind Dana to make sure that she wasn't crossing her fingers behind her back.
"AND STAY AWAY FROM FOX MULDER!" Bill rolled down the car window and hollered. "HE'S NOTHING BUT TROUBLE!!!"
"You just leave them alone, you big jerk," Melissa grunted, smacking her brother on the shoulder. Bill screamed in pain and attempted to hit Melissa, but was stopped by Charlie, who was sitting between them.
"Mom! MOM! Melissa hit me!"
"Oh no, here we go again," Margaret sighed and let Dana's hand go. Dana ran to the dollhouse and started playing.
Teena Mulder and Fox appeared in the doorway, and the two mother exchanged greetings. "I noticed that it's quite noisy in the back of your car," Teena said.
"Yeah. It's just Bill and Melissa. They're having a fight again."
"I'm sorry that Bill just hates Fox so."
"No it's not Fox's fault at all; he's a nice kid and all."
Teena sighed. "I bet that the parents of John Doggett don't think so when they see all the bruises resulted from the fights with Fox."
"Well, boys will be boys. By the way, did you check if he was crossing his fingers behind his back this morning?"
"No I haven't-Fox?" but Fox was already in the corner, playing with Dana.
"Oh well, I guess I'll just let him off this time."
The mothers left. After a moment, John Doggett and Monica Reyes walked into the classroom. "Morning everyone," Monica said cheerfully.
"Good morning Monica," Dana said, holding up another doll, "Come play with me!"
"Okay," Monica said and walked over to the dollhouse and started playing with Dana. Fox and John just stared at each other.
"I think they'll get into another fight," Dana said as she pointed at the stomach of the doll. "By the way, this is where the digestive system is located."
Monica looked confused, so Dana didn't talk any further about the human body.
Leyla Harrison, Alex Krycek, Marita Covarrubias and Jeffrey Spender walked into the classroom, accompanied by Walter Skinner, the teacher.
"Okay now children," Skinner said, "I haven't had my breakfast yet, so I'll go and have it and I'll trust that you won't get into any trouble."
"Okay Mr. Skinner," the children said in unison and Skinner left to have his breakfast.
The children just stared at each other until Alex suggested, "Let's play alien invasion!"
"Okay!" Fox said excitedly. "I want to be the man who exposes the alien conspiracy!"
"I want to be the conspirator! Mua ha ha ha ha!" Alex said.
"I want to be the assistant of the conspirator!" Jeffrey said. Mulder gave him a weird look.
"Jeffrey you know we're half-brothers," Fox said, "So you should be my assistant!"
"Oh okay," Jeffrey said and walked over to his half-bother. Alex looked disappointed.
"Okay... I want to be the doctor who finds a vaccine for the alien virus!" Dana yelled excitedly.
"I think I'll be Dana's research assistant," Monica said. "What about you, John?"
"Can Dana have two assistants?" John asked. "I don't think there's anything else to do."
"Okay," Dana said cheerfully; she was very happy that she had two assistants.
"Hey that's not fair!" Alex said. "This way I'll never win!"
"Because you won't," Fox sneered. "Human race shall triumph over the alien invaders!"
Marita and Leyla stared at the rest of their classmates, and then they turned to each other.
"I say that we give each other a nice hairdo," Leyla suggested.
"Good idea," Marita agreed, so they walked over to the dollhouse and picked up the toy brushes and combs and whatever was available over there.
Alex pulled a few chairs together so that they formed a circle; Fox and Jeffrey pulled other chairs to a corner where they hid behind them. Dana, Monica and John pushed together two tables and piled some toy dishes and pans and cups on them.
Alex left his circle of chairs and turned off the light. After a few seconds he turned it back on. Fox and Jeffrey walked over to Alex's, uh, UFO.
"Look Jeffrey it's an UFO!" Fox yelled. "The aliens here to invade the planet Earth! Oh no!" He suddenly fell back and started to roll all over the place. "Help! I've been infected by the alien virus! HELP!"
"My assistants and I shall save you!" Dana yelled importantly from behind her "research lab." She turned to Monica and John, and said, "Is the vaccine ready to be used, my assistants?"
"We haven't tested it yet," John said. Monica nodded in agreement.
"We don't have time! Fox can be our lab rat," Dana said, grabbing a cup and walked over to Fox. "Here you go," she announced. "The vaccine against the alien virus!"
Fox pretended to swallow something, and stood up. "Hey it worked! Thank you doctor!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Alex screamed. "My evil plan has failed! NOOOOOOOO!"
Then Skinner came back from his breakfast break, but another boy was standing next to him. "Class, I want you to meet Brad Follmer, our new classmate." Then he turned to Mulder and said in a warning voice, "And don't you scare him off with your theories about the little green men, Mr. Mulder!"
"Mr. Mulder is my dad, sir," Mulder said stubbornly. "And they are gray, not green!"
Skinner rolled his eyes. "Come on in, Brad. Class, say hi to Brad."
"Hi Brad," all the children said in unison. Brad looked at all of them, and stared at Monica for a second too long. John didn't look happy.
"I don't like that guy," he whispered to Monica, who giggled.
"Don't worry, I'll always like you the best," She said, planting a loud kiss on his cheek. John blushed.
Fox turned to Dana and asked, "Will you do that for me?"
"Maybe, if Bill isn't around to smack you in the face."
XXXX
John glanced at Monica as they sat in the living room of their house. "Hey Mon remember the day that Follmer kid came to our class?"
"You mean in kindergarten?"
"Yeah."
"He stared me for way too long and I didn't like that. Why did you bring it up, anyway?"
"Because you kissed me for the first time that day."
"And?"
"And you haven't done that in a long time."
Monica turned her head to look at John. Then she planted another kiss on him, this time on his lips.
XXXX
"Okay kids we're going to be drawing today," Skinner was saying as he gave out boxes of crayons and putting a thick stack of paper in the middle of the table. Everyone started drawing.
After half an hour, Skinner said, "Kids, let's show your classmates what you have drawn!"
Fox stood up and held his work proudly. "This is me making a plan of stopping evil alien invasion with a friendly race of alien."
Dana stood up. "This is me cutting open a dead body."
Monica stood up. "This is the house that John and I will be living in together in the future."
John stood up and showed his work. "This is my girl friend and future wife Monica." He sat down and Monica planted another kiss on his cheek.
Leyla stood up, holding her work high. "This is Fox and Dana and their baby son William." Everyone stared at her as she sat down, looking quite pleased.
XXXX
Dana was singing lullaby to her son William while Fox tucked him in bed. After William fell asleep, they climbed into their own bed.
And then something came up in Dana's mind.
"Fox," she said, shaking her husband lightly. "Do you remember the picture that Leyla drew in kindergarten?"
"She had drew loads of pictures while we were there Dana," Fox replied sleepily.
"Yeah but one of them involves us," Dana continued. "And she said that we'd have a baby named William."
They stared at each other for a moment, and then Fox yawned. "Who'd thought that Leyla has the gift of prophesying?"
XXXX
"Okay, so what did the rest of you draw?" Skinner asked the rest of the class after everyone was done staring at Leyla.
"This is me making a successful plan of creating a human-alien hybrid," Alex said proudly.
"This is me and Alex at our wedding," Marita held up her work, and then hugged Alex tightly.
Jeffrey held up his picture and said, "This is me and my mom making my dad quit smoking and come back to us and being a good father."
Brad held up his picture. "This is me being the boss of everyone here except Alex and Marita."
And everyone except Alex and Marita glared at Brad. Then Fox jumped onto the table and yelled, "Let's get him!"
So Fox and John jumped onto Brad and started smacking him in the face. Dana watched in amusement while Monica laughed happily.
"Now get off Brad, the two of you!" Skinner yelled, pulling Fox and John off Brad, whose nose was bleeding. "And get over to the corner!"
XXXX
Fox and John were drinking beer while they watched a basketball game in John and Monica's house. Dana and Monica were playing with their children in the family room.
"Hey John," Fox said, placing the beer bottle down, "Remember the day that we beat that Brad kid up?"
"Yeah, remember it like it was yesterday."
"I'm sure glad that we beat him up."
"Yeah. Or he may somehow winds up to be our boss."
"You know what? That's the first time we didn't fight with each other."
"Come to think about it, we never fought with each other again after that."
"Yeah. We were too busy beating Brad up."
XXXX
Skinner came back with Brad, and the bell rang. The parents started to come in.
"So Dana, what did you do today?" Margaret asked as her daughter bounced over to her.
"I invented the vaccine that will save mankind, and I drew a nice picture of me cutting open a dead body!"
"Oh my goodness," Margaret said, and they walked out of the classroom.
Teena was examine the bruise on Fox's face. "Fox, did you get into a fight with John again?"
"No Mom, we beat up an annoying kid called Brad together!"
Teena sighed, wiping dirt from her son's face with a handkerchief. "Hopefully Samantha won't grow up like you."
Other kids' parents came in and took them home. When the room was empty, Skinner went over to the dollhouse and put everything into their proper box. Then he went out to have his dinner, and get ready for another day ahead.
THE END
***
"Now Fox," Teena Mulder said as she handed her son his breakfast, "Promise me that you won't scare other kids again."
"But Mom!" a young Fox Mulder protested, stuffing a spoonful of corn flakes and milk into his mouth, "It's true that aliens exist! Ask Dad!"
Teena glared accusingly at her husband. William Mulder just shrugged and looked back to his newspaper.
"Anyway, Fox," Teena sighed heavily as she scooped up Samantha Mulder, who just came downstairs, to give her the daily morning hug and kiss, "Don't scare other children. And remember-"
"There are better ways to impress Dana Scully than announcing to everyone that I'm her boyfriend," Fox recited blankly, gulping down the last of his breakfast.
"Right. And I don't want to see another broken nose that suggests you had a fight with John Doggett; just try to be nice to everybody, okay?"
"Okay," Fox said with his fingers crossed behind him where his mother couldn't see.
"Good. Now let's get you to school."
***
Margaret Scully walked into the empty classroom with Dana Scully, her youngest child. Back in the car, Bill and Melissa were staring hard at each other, ready for another fight or argument, and Charlie was shifting restlessly in his seat; he didn't feel comfortable when his siblings were ready to wave their fists around.
"Now Dana-"
"I promise you Mr. Skinner won't call and say that I tried to dissect anything!" Dana blurted, eyeing the dollhouse and the toys scattered around it in the corner. "I promise!"
"Good. Remember, you can leave the learning to until you're in medical school," Margaret said, satisfied. She walked behind Dana to make sure that she wasn't crossing her fingers behind her back.
"AND STAY AWAY FROM FOX MULDER!" Bill rolled down the car window and hollered. "HE'S NOTHING BUT TROUBLE!!!"
"You just leave them alone, you big jerk," Melissa grunted, smacking her brother on the shoulder. Bill screamed in pain and attempted to hit Melissa, but was stopped by Charlie, who was sitting between them.
"Mom! MOM! Melissa hit me!"
"Oh no, here we go again," Margaret sighed and let Dana's hand go. Dana ran to the dollhouse and started playing.
Teena Mulder and Fox appeared in the doorway, and the two mother exchanged greetings. "I noticed that it's quite noisy in the back of your car," Teena said.
"Yeah. It's just Bill and Melissa. They're having a fight again."
"I'm sorry that Bill just hates Fox so."
"No it's not Fox's fault at all; he's a nice kid and all."
Teena sighed. "I bet that the parents of John Doggett don't think so when they see all the bruises resulted from the fights with Fox."
"Well, boys will be boys. By the way, did you check if he was crossing his fingers behind his back this morning?"
"No I haven't-Fox?" but Fox was already in the corner, playing with Dana.
"Oh well, I guess I'll just let him off this time."
The mothers left. After a moment, John Doggett and Monica Reyes walked into the classroom. "Morning everyone," Monica said cheerfully.
"Good morning Monica," Dana said, holding up another doll, "Come play with me!"
"Okay," Monica said and walked over to the dollhouse and started playing with Dana. Fox and John just stared at each other.
"I think they'll get into another fight," Dana said as she pointed at the stomach of the doll. "By the way, this is where the digestive system is located."
Monica looked confused, so Dana didn't talk any further about the human body.
Leyla Harrison, Alex Krycek, Marita Covarrubias and Jeffrey Spender walked into the classroom, accompanied by Walter Skinner, the teacher.
"Okay now children," Skinner said, "I haven't had my breakfast yet, so I'll go and have it and I'll trust that you won't get into any trouble."
"Okay Mr. Skinner," the children said in unison and Skinner left to have his breakfast.
The children just stared at each other until Alex suggested, "Let's play alien invasion!"
"Okay!" Fox said excitedly. "I want to be the man who exposes the alien conspiracy!"
"I want to be the conspirator! Mua ha ha ha ha!" Alex said.
"I want to be the assistant of the conspirator!" Jeffrey said. Mulder gave him a weird look.
"Jeffrey you know we're half-brothers," Fox said, "So you should be my assistant!"
"Oh okay," Jeffrey said and walked over to his half-bother. Alex looked disappointed.
"Okay... I want to be the doctor who finds a vaccine for the alien virus!" Dana yelled excitedly.
"I think I'll be Dana's research assistant," Monica said. "What about you, John?"
"Can Dana have two assistants?" John asked. "I don't think there's anything else to do."
"Okay," Dana said cheerfully; she was very happy that she had two assistants.
"Hey that's not fair!" Alex said. "This way I'll never win!"
"Because you won't," Fox sneered. "Human race shall triumph over the alien invaders!"
Marita and Leyla stared at the rest of their classmates, and then they turned to each other.
"I say that we give each other a nice hairdo," Leyla suggested.
"Good idea," Marita agreed, so they walked over to the dollhouse and picked up the toy brushes and combs and whatever was available over there.
Alex pulled a few chairs together so that they formed a circle; Fox and Jeffrey pulled other chairs to a corner where they hid behind them. Dana, Monica and John pushed together two tables and piled some toy dishes and pans and cups on them.
Alex left his circle of chairs and turned off the light. After a few seconds he turned it back on. Fox and Jeffrey walked over to Alex's, uh, UFO.
"Look Jeffrey it's an UFO!" Fox yelled. "The aliens here to invade the planet Earth! Oh no!" He suddenly fell back and started to roll all over the place. "Help! I've been infected by the alien virus! HELP!"
"My assistants and I shall save you!" Dana yelled importantly from behind her "research lab." She turned to Monica and John, and said, "Is the vaccine ready to be used, my assistants?"
"We haven't tested it yet," John said. Monica nodded in agreement.
"We don't have time! Fox can be our lab rat," Dana said, grabbing a cup and walked over to Fox. "Here you go," she announced. "The vaccine against the alien virus!"
Fox pretended to swallow something, and stood up. "Hey it worked! Thank you doctor!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Alex screamed. "My evil plan has failed! NOOOOOOOO!"
Then Skinner came back from his breakfast break, but another boy was standing next to him. "Class, I want you to meet Brad Follmer, our new classmate." Then he turned to Mulder and said in a warning voice, "And don't you scare him off with your theories about the little green men, Mr. Mulder!"
"Mr. Mulder is my dad, sir," Mulder said stubbornly. "And they are gray, not green!"
Skinner rolled his eyes. "Come on in, Brad. Class, say hi to Brad."
"Hi Brad," all the children said in unison. Brad looked at all of them, and stared at Monica for a second too long. John didn't look happy.
"I don't like that guy," he whispered to Monica, who giggled.
"Don't worry, I'll always like you the best," She said, planting a loud kiss on his cheek. John blushed.
Fox turned to Dana and asked, "Will you do that for me?"
"Maybe, if Bill isn't around to smack you in the face."
XXXX
John glanced at Monica as they sat in the living room of their house. "Hey Mon remember the day that Follmer kid came to our class?"
"You mean in kindergarten?"
"Yeah."
"He stared me for way too long and I didn't like that. Why did you bring it up, anyway?"
"Because you kissed me for the first time that day."
"And?"
"And you haven't done that in a long time."
Monica turned her head to look at John. Then she planted another kiss on him, this time on his lips.
XXXX
"Okay kids we're going to be drawing today," Skinner was saying as he gave out boxes of crayons and putting a thick stack of paper in the middle of the table. Everyone started drawing.
After half an hour, Skinner said, "Kids, let's show your classmates what you have drawn!"
Fox stood up and held his work proudly. "This is me making a plan of stopping evil alien invasion with a friendly race of alien."
Dana stood up. "This is me cutting open a dead body."
Monica stood up. "This is the house that John and I will be living in together in the future."
John stood up and showed his work. "This is my girl friend and future wife Monica." He sat down and Monica planted another kiss on his cheek.
Leyla stood up, holding her work high. "This is Fox and Dana and their baby son William." Everyone stared at her as she sat down, looking quite pleased.
XXXX
Dana was singing lullaby to her son William while Fox tucked him in bed. After William fell asleep, they climbed into their own bed.
And then something came up in Dana's mind.
"Fox," she said, shaking her husband lightly. "Do you remember the picture that Leyla drew in kindergarten?"
"She had drew loads of pictures while we were there Dana," Fox replied sleepily.
"Yeah but one of them involves us," Dana continued. "And she said that we'd have a baby named William."
They stared at each other for a moment, and then Fox yawned. "Who'd thought that Leyla has the gift of prophesying?"
XXXX
"Okay, so what did the rest of you draw?" Skinner asked the rest of the class after everyone was done staring at Leyla.
"This is me making a successful plan of creating a human-alien hybrid," Alex said proudly.
"This is me and Alex at our wedding," Marita held up her work, and then hugged Alex tightly.
Jeffrey held up his picture and said, "This is me and my mom making my dad quit smoking and come back to us and being a good father."
Brad held up his picture. "This is me being the boss of everyone here except Alex and Marita."
And everyone except Alex and Marita glared at Brad. Then Fox jumped onto the table and yelled, "Let's get him!"
So Fox and John jumped onto Brad and started smacking him in the face. Dana watched in amusement while Monica laughed happily.
"Now get off Brad, the two of you!" Skinner yelled, pulling Fox and John off Brad, whose nose was bleeding. "And get over to the corner!"
XXXX
Fox and John were drinking beer while they watched a basketball game in John and Monica's house. Dana and Monica were playing with their children in the family room.
"Hey John," Fox said, placing the beer bottle down, "Remember the day that we beat that Brad kid up?"
"Yeah, remember it like it was yesterday."
"I'm sure glad that we beat him up."
"Yeah. Or he may somehow winds up to be our boss."
"You know what? That's the first time we didn't fight with each other."
"Come to think about it, we never fought with each other again after that."
"Yeah. We were too busy beating Brad up."
XXXX
Skinner came back with Brad, and the bell rang. The parents started to come in.
"So Dana, what did you do today?" Margaret asked as her daughter bounced over to her.
"I invented the vaccine that will save mankind, and I drew a nice picture of me cutting open a dead body!"
"Oh my goodness," Margaret said, and they walked out of the classroom.
Teena was examine the bruise on Fox's face. "Fox, did you get into a fight with John again?"
"No Mom, we beat up an annoying kid called Brad together!"
Teena sighed, wiping dirt from her son's face with a handkerchief. "Hopefully Samantha won't grow up like you."
Other kids' parents came in and took them home. When the room was empty, Skinner went over to the dollhouse and put everything into their proper box. Then he went out to have his dinner, and get ready for another day ahead.
THE END