Often times, he wondered why.
It was nights such as this, when Amata was left out to defend for himself with the only witness to anything being the black sky littered with glistening stars, that he found himself wondering. She had left him, all alone, in a cruel world that refused to accept him. Why? Well- those cursed wings on his ankles that always caused him to fly. He had to avoid many others just to make sure they would not appear.
He wondered why. Why did she leave him? Why leave him to fend for himself in such a world? Was she disgusted with him? Did she hate him and his wings? Did she want nothing to do with him, a disgrace in her eyes? Was he just a disgusting monster, never to know why he had been left alone?
Everyone always pointed towards him, always telling him it was his fault he was all alone in such a world. She left him because of weakness his. His stupidity. His wretchedness. His wings.
Everything was his fault- he was the reason she left and would never come back. She had left not only him, but a flourishing carreer as well. She left behind whatever hopes she really had of becoming a famous actress, for after her movie, 'Skies of Aquaria', many others sought her and her acting and singing talents.
Many called him a mistake- said that she left because she felt ashamed of him. He was nothing more than a mistake in life, never suppose to have happened. He was a stupid freak, one no one would ever be able to love. Who knew what wretched man was his father- the own boy had never seen him.
Amata wondered why, then, did she be so nice and loving to him? Why did she use to read to him? Why did she use to sit with him and watch movies, mostly 'Skies of Aquaria' even though she knew it all? Why did she use to sing to him when he was scared or upset? Why did she use to hold him so close to her? Tell him that she loved him, and would never think otherwise.
Why did she use to do all of that for him, if really she only hated him? Was that just an act? Was she just waiting for someone to come and save her from him? Was everyone else right? Was he really just a child to hate?
But he remembered her expression so well, the day she left him… she looked so regretful and sad. Was she regretful of having him? Was she sad because she had to leave a world she loved, just because of him? Or was she regretful of leaving him? Was she sad because she truly loved him and didn't want to go?
The ten year old didn't know anymore. He had been six when that happened, and he use to be sure that she would be coming back. That she didn't feel disgusted with him, and she would be back. He felt that she truly did love him.
But that was then- four years ago… and as he has gotten older, having to fend for himself more and more, left to wander all on his own, he thought worse. Maybe she really did leave him, maybe she really did hate him, and maybe she really did have no intention of coming back to him.
He had so much to deal with. The ridicule, the harrassment, and even getting beaten up by drunks or other boys when he went into some towns. Sometimes someone would show him sympathy, not knowing about his freakish ability. When they did find out, often times they threw things at him, called him a monster, and pretty much threw him out. Literally.
He wondered why.
But the biggest thing Amata wondered, gazing up at the sky that stole his mother, was if he would ever find an answer for such questions.
A/N: I am in the worst mood right now- which is probably why I wrote this. Like really. I'm actually in my computer applications class and goodness. I really hate people sometimes, you know? I wonder why people are such jerks. Goodness… I guess my wondering brought upon a fic in which my favorite character wonders as well.
I'm guessing he actually had a pretty crappy life, in which he had to deal with a lot of abuse. Everyone always ridicules him for being weak, but really… I think that's the least of his problems. I mean, his mother had abandoned him, he was left on his own for what I'm guessing ten years (I always think he was six when she left him) in a cruel world, and I really doubt all he dealt with was being shunned. He was probably beaten up quite a few times, and has had people utterly destroy his self-confindence and what not. I mean really- just think about it.
That, and Kagura probably took the more confident bit out of him when they were split. I'm sure that if Amata had never been split into he and Kagura, then he would have been one of the awesome loner dudes who are just beast and what not.
Long rambling is long.