AU note: Hi Buffy fans! I want to thank you so much for all your kind reviews on my stories; they mean the world to me. I know I haven't been around for a very long time and for that I am truly sorry but I miss it here. I miss writing and I definitely miss Bangel! I forgot how… cathartic and relaxing writing and reading Buffy and Angel is for me. I'm desperately hoping to be able to start fresh and find that place that has been missing for a long time now. Anyways, now that I got that out, I really do want to thank every single one of you who have given my stories a chance and every single one of you who took the time to review. You all mean the world to me and you have no idea how greatly I appreciate your kind words. I love you! Xoxoxo
P.S. This is dedicated to all hardcore BA shippers, but most importantly to those who reviewed this story…this episode was and still is one of the hardest episodes to watch for me because I really do cry like a baby. It's heartbreaking and Joss really fucked (pardon my language) all of us over with breaking them up and never truly putting them back together. If any couple could withstand the hellishness that is life, it was and still is them. This is also dedicated to Cutechick24272 who requested more; mollymarine who made me feel like the most amazing writer ever, and blue talith because well hell, I've always wanted to make someone misty eyed;) I love you guys:D
Disclaimer: Hmm in my time away from here I was denied ownership of the oh so wonderfulness that is Buffy and Angel (heartbreaking I know:'[) So anyways, all characters etc. belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and 20th Century Fox… yadda yadda yadda
This is a continuation from "I Want You to Stay", but like I said a moment ago, I want to start fresh so this is why I posted it separately.
Rating: Uh T I guess, I think there is some mild language
So yesh my lovelies a continuation…well…on with it then woman!
I Won't Ever Leave You
Their walk back to the Crawford street mansion took much longer than usual. Of course they stopped to kiss here and there but, if they were being honest, it was because they were letting their minds run rampant as the usually comfortable silence enveloped them. As they slowly made their way through the foyer, they could feel the tension and awkwardness surround them like a heavy blanket during a heat wave. Buffy slowly made her way through the living room, her hand ghosting over the back of the leather couch before turning to look back at Angel who still stood near the entrance.
"So."
"So."
The air was thick with their nervousness. As soon as one would look towards the other, they would avert their eyes acting as if they weren't looking at all. Their sight-tag continued for long moments before Buffy threw up her hands, her shoulders slouching over as she sighed.
"This is ridiculous. What changed so suddenly that we can't even look at each other?" She grouched, dropping herself unceremoniously on the black leather. Angel let out a sigh before slowly making his way over to her. "Why do I feel so shy and nervous?"
"I don't think its nerves Buffy."
"Then what is it?" She whined.
He smiled softly before taking her much smaller hand in his, silently marveling at its delicateness and softness. "I think its confusion…there is a lot we have to talk about Buffy."
She groaned before nodding. "I know, I just… we always have to talk now. I miss just being, you know?"
"I know love, but we can't just dive right back into what we had before, we aren't those people anymore and there are things we need to discuss that affect us now and in the future."
'Are we an…"us" Angel?' Buffy whispered weakly.
Angel's jerked towards her at the soft question. Confusion creased his brow as he stumbled over his words. 'Of course we are Buffy…I assumed, I mean I figured…we've always been an "us"…'
"Angel?"
He let out a soft growl before pulling her into his lap so her legs were straddling his. He reached for both her hands, grasping them tightly before looking up at her. "Do you want to be with me Buffy?"
"Of course I do Angel, how could you even ask that?"
"I want to be with you too."
She looked into his eyes, biting her bottom lip before quickly pressing them against his once. "There is no Buffy without Angel." She whispered.
He smiled, his hand gently cupping her chin as he looked directly into her hazel eyes, speaking firmly. "There is no Angel without Buffy. I love you."
"I love you too."
As if drawn towards one another by an invisible force, their lips met softly and willingly. Pressing gently against each other, their lips caressed and retreated, exchanging breaths as they affirmed their love to the extent capable at that very moment. Pulling back slightly, Angel brushed his lips against her nose before letting out a soft hum, his arms encircling her waist. Buffy snuggled her head into the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply, letting his scent wash over her…relaxing her as she collected her thoughts.
"You're my everything Angel."
"As are you, mo chroi."
"Were you really going to leave me tonight for sunshine?"
His lips pressed into a hard line, his chin resting against the top of her head as he considered her question. "I'd like to say yes love, and a part of me was leaving for that specific reason but, more than anything, I was leaving to protect you."
"Protect me?"
"All I have ever wanted in my many years of existing Buffy was your safety. I would do whatever it took-takes, to make sure you were safe and out of harm's way, and that includes keeping your heart safe. I never expected to care for you as deeply as I do, though I think I loved you from the moment I saw you; and I sure as hell never even allowed myself to dream that you might care for me, let alone love me. I am so grateful for you Buffy, I don't know what I did to warrant your respect among other things but my duty is still to make sure I keep you safe and, after Angelus..."
"Angel…"
"I realized that I didn't…I couldn't keep you safe. I failed. I hated the idea of you in pain but to know that I caused it…it nearly killed me Buffy."
"You didn't cause it Angel."
"Whether I caused it or not beloved, it was still my face, my voice, my hand that hurt you. When my memories came back to me after Angelus was free, it broke my heart, to remember the things he said to you…did to you…"
Buffy felt his large frame shudder in memory. She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck as she shushed him gently.
"But…but when, when I had to play him to fool Faith, I don't care if that helped save anybody…I hurt you, I caused the pain in your eyes, I saw your tears, I felt your heart ache in memory because of me. We can say that the pain inflicted while Angelus was out was not my doing but that night Buffy, I watched you shatter because of me, Angel, my words, my thoughts, I hurt you after I promised myself, whatever higher being out there and most importantly, you, that I would never cause you pain. That not only broke my heart Buffy, but my soul."
"Angel." She whispered.
They spent all night and well into the morning talking about everything and nothing. It wasn't forced, but it wasn't easy either. Their tears mingled as they kissed and their laughter vibrated against one another's chests. It was rough and it was sweet but it was perfect for them.
It was late in the morning, just as the sun began to filter through the front curtains, when the couple moved their cuddling to Angel's bedroom. They drifted in and out of sleep in between gentle caressing and whispered devotions.
"Buffy?"
She hummed softly, her warm breath seeping through his heavy knit sweater as she lay curled against him.
"You'll have to let everyone know where you are."
"Ummm nope."
"Buffy."
"Fine." She huffed.
His fingertips ran softly up and down her spine as she pressed herself closer, her chin propped up on his chest as she looked at him. "Mom and Xander are going to flip."
"Mm yes; does…does that bother you?" If Angel was being honest with himself, he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know the answer. In fact he was positive he didn't want to know at all. He never liked Harris and even though he despised Ms. Summers' lack of regard for her daughter, he knew that both of them were very important to his little, blonde love.
"Bother me? Not at all. I love my mom but she's never been able to accept me, Slayer or not…at least not in the way a mom should; and Xander, he was one of my closest friends once but he's changed…or maybe I'm the one whose changed, I'm not sure but the point is, well, I'll always choose you Angel, no matter the circumstances."
Angel tightened his hold around her body, his lips pressed against her crown as he slowly fell back asleep.
It wasn't until the next evening when Buffy and Angel made their way out of the mansion. They walked in a comfortable silence, their entwined hands swaying gently between them. It was a beautiful night, the moon high and bright as clusters of stars sprinkled the dark sky. It was quiet aside from the cool, summer breeze gently rustling the leaves and the sounds of their own footsteps against the pavement. They were steps away from Giles's apartment when Angel gently tugged on Buffy's hand.
"What is it?"
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Do what?"
"Tell them…about me, us."
"Angel, I don't care what happens in that room tonight, all that does matter is that you walk out that door with me later." She stepped closer, her chilled palms resting against his dark grey silk shirt. "It will always be you Angel."
"I love you mo chroi." He whispered softly, pressing his lips to her crown, his arms pulling her slim body against his.
Giles opened his door after Buffy's first knock.
"Ah Buffy, Angel do come in; tea?"
"Yes, thank you."
"Take a seat you two."
Angel gave Buffy a confused glance as Giles entered the small kitchen off to the side.
Buffy squeezed his hand comfortingly as she smirked towards him. "Don't worry about it honey."
Before anything else could be said, Giles made his way back into the room, handing the vampire a cup of steaming earl grey and taking a seat directly across from them.
"Now I assume you two are, once again, together?"
"Yep." Buffy cheered enthusiastically, smiling sweetly at her lover.
"Um, yes sir."
"Ah well I am happy for you both."
Buffy nodded gratefully as Angel looked at the former watcher in surprise.
"Now Angel, don't give me that look. I assume you two have talked so I know Buffy told you what I said the other night so I will not repeat it again, but what I will say is that I am sorry Angel."
"Sorry?"
"Yes, I misjudged you from the beginning, though I was not…rude before Angelus was released, I never gave you the chance or respect you deserved and after Angelus, I convinced myself that it was you that I was to blame and for that I am truly sorry. You are a good man Angel and even more than that, I respect you."
Angel swallowed harshly as he gripped Buffy's hand tighter.
"You have given me no reason to doubt you and even more so, Buffy trusts, believes, and relies on you. She is a strong, wise young woman and she does not trust anyone to the extent that she trusts you. You have saved her on more accounts than I'd like to mention. If it wasn't for you, I honestly don't think she would have made it past her seventeenth birthday. You have clearly been there for her, more so than anyone else and she believes in you. You have made her happy Angel, which is something Slayers never get the chance to experience. I admire you for everything that you have been through and for everything that you continue to do. You are a good man Angel. Take good care of her."
"Thank…thank you Giles, that means more to me than you will ever know."
"Well, uh yes, you're welcome son." He replied, his hand already reaching for his glasses and worn kerchief.
A content quietness covered the room as they sat comfortably, the usually shared words unnecessary as they all knew they were accepted on all levels. Just as Giles placed his kerchief back into his pocket, there was a sharp knock at the door.
"Here we go." Buffy whispered.
"Are you sure you want to do this Buffy…Angel?" Giles questioned. "I will stand by both of you, but you don't have to deal with it tonight, I can uh cover, as you call it, for both of you a while longer, if you would like."
"Thank you Giles but I…we need to do this."
"Right."
Angel squeezed Buffy's hand, his thumb running soothing circles over her knuckles as Giles opened the door.
"Willow, Oz, Xander…good evening Joyce."
"Hi Buffy, Angel."
"Hi Willow."
"Angel."
"Oz."
"Buffster! Where have you been … and dead boy. What is dead boy doing here Giles?"
"Rupert, yes Buffy I would like to know that as well."
An awkward silence had settled over the room as everyone sat staring at Buffy and Angel, their gazes flickering between the two and their entwined hands.
"So how are…"Willow started only to be interrupted by Buffy's mother.
"I'm sorry Willow but does someone want to tell me what is going on?"
"Yeah, I agree with Ms. Summers and what's dead boy doing here?"
"Guys…"
"No seriously Buff, we deserve to know…where have you been? And I thought you two were broken up?"
"That's enough Xander."
"Come on Willow, its deadboy…the guy who killed your fish! And Jenny!"
'Xander stop! And will you please stop calling him "dead boy" damn it? It's not that creative you know.'
"Oh gee Buff, sorry I couldn't come up with something to please you and your murdering lover."
"You're a jackass Xander."
"That's quite enough Buffy."
"Mom…"
"No! You listen to me young lady, I don't like this behavior one bit, you haven't come home for two nights and by the looks of it, you have been staying with Angel, who I thought broke up with you. Now you are going to get your butt home right now and we will discuss…this," she spoke, her hand waving in the direction of Angel, who now stood next to Buffy, her hand firmly grasped In his, "in private."
"Mom…"
"I won't say it again Buffy…now!"
"Alright that is enough!"
"Giles?"
"Sit down Xander."
"But…Giles…how can you support this?"
"I said sit down…Buffy is like a daughter to me…"
"But she is my daughter!" Joyce exclaimed.
"Then you should treat her as such, Ms. Summers."
The room got eerily quiet as Angel spoke, his whispered comment echoing off the silent walls.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me Ms. Summers; if you are going to say she is your daughter then you should treat her as your daughter."
"I do!"
"With all due respect Ms. Summers, you treat her as if she's a weight that you wish you didn't have to carry."
"How dare you!"
"He's right mom."
"Buffy?"
"Don't Buffy me, I'm not seven years old, I don't need to be scolded."
"If you are an adult you should act like one."
"I do! With everyone but you! You don't give me the opportunity to! Rather than listen to me you send me to my room!"
"Buffy Ann…we are not having this discussion here."
"Stop it! For someone who preaches to me about acting like an adult, you seem to do everything but!"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Ignoring me? Pretending what I do every night doesn't exist?"
"Now you listen…"
"Going behind my back and telling the love of my life to leave me because I'm too young to decide for myself?" Buffy hissed.
A collective gasp echoed through the small living room.
"Yeah I know about that. How dare you? You had no right and you know it or you wouldn't have snuck off to talk to him without telling me, and when I came home crying, with my heart broken, you acted surprised! You made me think it was my fault that he didn't love me, that there was something wrong with me! "
"Joyce…"
"Oh don't Joyce me, Rupert! You are her watcher; you should have put a stop to this before it even started!"
"Now Ms. Summers I will have you know that I did try, and it was wrong of me."
"Wrong? What's wrong is this…vile... thing taking advantage of her! It's sick!"
"Shut up."
"Buffy…"
"I said shut up. You say one more thing about Angel and I won't be so kind. Now sit down and listen because I will only say this once. Everyone's ideas that they know what is best for me, stops right now and I mean it! I am so tired of you all second guessing my decisions and my choices when they don't concern you!"
"Concern us? You're shacking up with a demon that enjoys torturing us and it's none of our business?"
"Oh shut up Xander, that argument is getting old and you know it. If the world and whatever higher being out there trusts me to make decisions to keep all of you alive then why the hell won't you? I made one mistake, which I don't regret, that no one…and I mean no one, knew the consequences of and you won't stop judging me for it and it's truly hilarious since the only person in this room who actually got hurt was Angel."
"What?"
"You heard me Xander! You hated him from the beginning on the principle that he was with me and when that argument didn't work anymore, you moved right on with the next, but I'll say it once more because you seem to have the thickest skull ever …the man, yes man, right here, the one who has saved all your lives ten times over and never asked for anything from any of you? He is Angel, he is the man I love and gave my heart to. He is the one I made love to. The demon, who you seem to love blaming everything on, is not here! Angel literally left and Angelus took his place… Angel was gone for months while Angelus was out. Get it right! They are two different people and don't you even dare place the two together. I sent the man I love, Angel, to hell because of you Xander! He came back with no memories of what happened and you know what? I had to kill him! For all of you! He didn't know what happened and I did it anyways! And what's worse is that I was going to join him, I wanted to join him but I was worried about all of you! It stops right now. Being The Slayer is my job, it's my birth right and it sucks but I never asked for any of your help, you signed up willingly even after I warned you. All of you have to understand and you have to understand now that me, Buffy, comes with Angel. There is no other option. If you don't like it, tough, leave, but that's the way it's going to be. Without him, I die. I tried to live with him gone once, I won't…I can't do it again. I love all of you but the choice is yours because for me, it will always him."
"What are you saying, that if we don't approve, you are just going to abandon us?"
Buffy let out a long sigh, suddenly feeling very tired and completely drained. "No Xander, I don't care whether you approve or not, I am still The Slayer and I will still fight all the vampires and whatever else happens to come along so you can live your happy little life, but I will be fighting with Angel and it will always be that way from now on. What I am saying is that maybe it's time for you to live your life like you should be and stop trying to live mine. This isn't your fight."
"Well I'm happy for you two."
"Will?"
"I am Xander, they belong together. He keeps her safe and sane. They are each other's reasons for fighting and, well, for surviving. He makes her happy and that's good enough for me."
Buffy smiled gratefully. "Thanks Willow."
"I'll never accept this Buffy."
"I know mom," Buffy whispered, "so…so maybe you should leave. I don't want to spend what little life I have the opportunity to have, arguing with you. It just isn't worth it. The fact is, Angel keeps me alive and he allows me to be me with no expectations…he makes me happy. I won't give that up."
"Fine, but don't come crying to me when he breaks your heart…again."
"I wouldn't come crying to you anyways."
"Buffy!"
"I think you should leave as well Xander." Giles stated quietly, though the coldness in his statement was more than obvious.
"Giles? Willow?"
Willow gripped Oz's hand tightly as she shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry Xander, but I like Angel...I don't blame him."
"I can't believe this." He muttered, turning towards the door.
"Buffy's right, you know," she whispered softly, gripping his forearm before he was able to leave. "I did sign up for this, and in supporting and helping her, that automatically means supporting her choices. That includes who she chooses to love Xander…it was never going to be you."
With that, Willow, Oz, Giles, Buffy, and Angel turned their backs to Joyce Summers and Alexander Harris. As the door quietly clicked shut, Buffy sighed softly, her hand reaching for Angel's as he smiled softly down at her.
"Are you okay?" He whispered, pulling her into his strong embrace.
"Never better." She smiled.
"I love you mo chroi."
"I love you."
"Oh!" Willow clapped, grabbing everyone's attention.
"What Wills?" Buffy laughed, her cheek resting comfortably against Angel's chest, as she looked towards her best friend.
"We should throw a party of some sort…a…celebration, yeah, a celebration!"
"For what reason?" Giles questioned, his confusion evident in his tone.
"To celebrate, why else? Buffy and Angel are together! We're high school graduates! Oh, oh, oh!" She shrieked, jumping up and down, "We are officially University freshmen!"
"Goodie." Buffy remarked sarcastically, her eyes rolling as she giggled at her friend's exuberance.
"See Giles? Lots of reasons to celebrate!"
He sighed. "We'll see Willow. Now, tea anyone?"
"Uh, thanks Giles but Angel and I, well we'll pass." The Slayer replied while simultaneously pulling her boyfriend out the door.
"Oh…did I miss something?" He questioned, looking from where the couple was standing a second ago to Willow and Oz.
"Uh no Giles…but maybe we should look at a way to bind Angel's soul."
So there it is…yes, no, maybe so? Once again, thank you all for taking the time to read my stories…it means the world to me. Feel free to review. I haven't had this beta'd simply because, well I don't have one and because I just wrote this up unexpectedly while thinking of how I wanted to write some other stories. I hope to see you all again soon!
Luvs, A.