I do not own sailor moon. Naoko Takeuchi, Mixx / Tokyo Pop, Cloverway, DIC, etc own Sailor Moon. I am making no money off of this.
Summary: Basically a what if. What if Sailor Moon had defeated Galaxia after the inner scouts were gone, but before the outers died? What if the others didn't come back? What would really happen to her?
Warning: This is not for Mamoru haters. It isn't anti-Seiya, but it does go wit the unrequited love theme. If you're a hug Seiya supporter, than you're going to hate Usagi in this. If you're a big Usagi/Seiya, then you probably shouldn't read this.
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Neo Queen Serenity slid out of her bed and padded silently down the halls of her palace. Slowly, she turned a corner and opened a door. The creak of the hinges sounded loudly as it echoed in the halls. There was, after all, little sound to be heard in the dead of night.
Quietly, she crept towards the small bed that lay in the center of the room. The room itself had been created in a private fit of madness. For the intended inhabitant of the bed would never be born. Indeed, she could not be born.
"You should be resting, my Queen," a soft voice sounded behind Serenity.
Serenity turned to see Hotaru and Diana standing just inside the doorway.
"I am fine, Saturn. I just needed to think."
"You are not fine, Queen Serenity. You grow pale and thin. You do not eat enough. I know well the form of sickliness," Hotaru chided.
Tears came unbidden to Serenity's eyes. "What does it matter? Haven't I done exactly what I needed to do? Crystal Tokyo stands doesn't it? Why can't you leave me be?" She whispered brokenly.
"My Queen," Diana began.
"DON'T," Serenity cut her off with a shout. "Can't you see that all of this is a mockery? Do you know what it is like to spend every day of your life wishing that your entire world was different, but not being able to have it that way? Do you know how it feels to have betrayed your own love? I created this 'paradise' with our scepter. Ours. Not mine and Seiya's. But none of you see it. None of you see the golden shine missing from the walls, or miss the scent of roses that should be in the air."
Hotaru looked at the empty bed. "I know the loss. Chibiusa was my dearest friend."
Serenity's harsh face softened a bit. "I know you do. Perhaps even Pluto understands. But the two of you were born to be alone in a way. I was never supposed to be. I'm not supposed to be alone. I can't bear it."
"You have the others," Hotaru supplied.
"Who? Taiki? Yaten? Are they supposed to replace my dearest friends? Has anyone ever replaced Chibi Usa in your heart? You cannot substitute friends."
Hotaru looked away. "Seiya loves you dearly."
Serenity closed her eyes in pain. "He… she is not Mamoru. She never will be. Every night I go to bed willing myself to sleep so I can dream of Endymion, and every morning I am met with the scent of lavender not roses."
"She is good to you," Hotaru rejoined.
"What importance is kindness when I am living without the other half of my soul?" Serenity choked out and unable to stem the flow of tears. "I have made love to her while the entire time I was willing for just one moment with Mamoru. There are days when I think that if I focus hard enough on a memory of him, I can live within it forever. I can't live without him, and I don't want to try anymore."
Serenity yanked the star shaped ring off of her finger that Seiya had given her and tossed it across the room. The silence was broken as the metallic band connected with the far wall before it fell to the carpeted floor. Serenity fell to the floor weeping.
"I want to die. I want to die, and I don't want to come back. Not without him. I can't be me without him. Can't anyone see that? Has it never occurred to anyone that the moon revolves around the Earth? I may have moved the oceans, but he was the one who kept me grounded. You, me, all the senshi are trespassing on his planet. And I have betrayed him by adultery with another in his own home."
"I am certain that he would understand," Diana interjected softly.
"Yes, yes, Mamo-chan would always understand. But that is the problem. Mamoru is not here to understand. He isn't here because I wasn't strong enough. He isn't here because I made a mistake."
"It wasn't a mistake," Hotaru said.
"It was a mistake. It was a mistake because I sealed him away forever, and I didn't send myself with. I am condemned to live the rest of my life, no lives, in hell because I will never be with him again. I'd kill myself, but it wouldn't matter. I'd just have another lifetime without him. Tell me, do you see any of Usagi when you look at me?"
Hotaru looked at the solemn and broken woman in front of her. Bitterness and grief were all that played against her fair features. "No."
"Then how can you say it was not a mistake? Mamoru was the one who kept me who I was. It is only his memory that keeps me from destroying this world."
"That isn't true, you highness," Diana said.
"Perhaps not, but I think that you should be thankful that we will not find out," Serenity laughed bitterly, her supply of tears for the night exhausted.
Hotaru put a comforting hand on Serenity's shoulder. "Perhaps…"
Serenity cut her off by brushing away Hotaru's hand and standing. "The sun is going to rise soon. I should get back to bed before Seiya misses me."
With that, Serenity walked away.
Hotaru picked Diana up in her arms and walked out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind her, silently shutting out the memories until night came again.