CONGRATULATIONS!
You are now the proud owner of a MR. GUPPY! In order to obtain top performance of your MR. GUPPY, please follow the procedures below.
Your MR. GUPPY should arrived fully assembled.
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Name: WILLIAM GUPPY
Species: Human Male
Manufacturer: Kenge and Carboy Inc. London.
Date of Manufacture: September 1st. Exact year unknown.
Age: 39
Appearance: Rather short and thin, pale complexion, curly brown hair, adorable big brown eyes
ACCESSORIES:
One everyday Victorian suit
One fancy Victorian suit
One top coat with flower
One top hat
Handkerchief
Law books
ASSEMBLY
Your MR. GUPPY unit will be shipped fully assembled. In order to activate your MR. GUPPY unit, remove from crate and place face up on floor. Your MR. GUPPY unit will self-activate in 24 hours. Once activated, your MR. GUPPY will introduce himself in a friendly and polite manner.
OPERATING PROCEDURE
Your MR. GUPPY is user-friendly and has been designed to respond to voice controls. Please state your instructions clearly. Your MR. GUPPY is most fluent in English, but also understands some French and Latin.
USES
Your MR. GUPPY is efficient and useful in many situations. While MR. GUPPY's functions are not limited to these, we find that many people enjoy these special MR. GUPPY functions.
LAWYER: Your MR. GUPPY is a master of the law and is particularly clever with gathering evidence and getting up cases.
MYSTERY SOLVER: Due to your MR. GUPPY's inquisitive nature, he will uncover the truth about any matter of mysterious happenings.
HOPELESS ROMANTIC: Your Mr. GUPPY is very affectionate and becomes smitten quite easily. If he falls in love with you, he will call you his angel, will propose to you at least a dozen times until you say yes, will spend a great deal of time pining for you outside in the cold, and will in short, do anything to try to win your affection.
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER UNITS
Your MR. GUPPY is friendly and gets along well with most other units. He is particularly fond of MISS SUMMERSON units. He is on friendly terms with ADA CLAIR and RICHARD CARSTONE units. He is respectful of MR. JARNDICE units and LADY DEDLOCK units. Under no circumstances should you expose your MR. GUPPY to MR. TULKINGHORN units, SMALLWEED units, or ALAN WOODCOURT units.
CLEANING
Your MR. GUPPY for the most part has excellent hygiene. Should your MR. GUPPY end up getting smudged with ink, we recommend a warm bath with gentle soap and shampoo. Dry thoroughly with a warm towel. Do not put your MR. GUPPY in the washing machine, as that will make him sick. Also, do not hang your MR. GUPPY on the clothesline as he is very modest and gets embarrassed easily.
CARE
Your MR. GUPPY is quite clever and independent, so he generally will not require extra care. He will need access to clean clothes, bathing facilities, a warm place to sleep, and at least three good meals a day.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: My MR. GUPPY is unusually nervous! He keeps hopping up and down and talking to himself!
A: Your MR. GUPPY may be in hopeless romantic mode and may have become smitten with a MISS SUMMERSON unit. Offer him a glass of wine to calm his nerves.
Q. My MR. GUPPY is standing outside looking sad. What do I do?
A. Your MR. GUPPY has clearly been rejected by a MISS SUMMERSON unit. Bring him inside, put him into a warm bath, and give him lots of love and affection.
Q. My Mr. GUPPY arrived wearing a lab coat and keeps talking about hunting weevils. I am confused.
A. You have received an OWEN HARPER unit by mistake. Please return to TORCHWOOD INC. for a full refund.