Harry shuffled into the kitchen at Number 12, Grimmauld Place. Hermione was talking with Professor Dumbeldore as Mrs Weasley put the finishing touches on breakfast. Dumbeldore looked up as Harry sat down.
"Good morning, Harry. You have some post here. It looks like the International Hero Licensing Board has sent you an invitation," greeted Dumbledore, passing over a sealed envelope.
"Morning all. What's this international hero thing?", yawned Harry.
"The IHLP is an international organzation that makes sure that Heroes live up to accepted standards, and helps get a few fringe benefits along the way", answered Dumbledore as Harry opened the letter and started reading. "It is unusual for one to be invited to apply for a Hero's license at your age," he added.
"It's not an invitation," Harry replied as Hermione snatched the letter away from him, "they say I'm not up to scratch and they thinking of taking my license away."
"Oh, dear, I had no idea you were already in. I will send you the handbook as soon as I get back to the castle so you can try to straighten things out. Might I recommend that Miss Granger here assist you in this endeavor?" asked Dumbledore, rising from the table.
"Why would I care if they kick me out of a club I didn't even know I was in? The last time I played the hero, I got Sirius killed! Why can't I just have a normal year for once?" asked Harry.
"Well, Harry, one of the benefits of being a licensed Hero is an uncanny knack for getting out of tight spots. That benefit alone has saved your skin more than once. I suspect that your talent at quidditch is also partly due to being a Hero. If you lose your license, your flying ability may suffer," suggested the aging professor as he headed for the fireplace and floo'ed out.
"Well, if it will mess up quidditch, then I better do something about it," grumbled Harry.
Hermione had just finished reading the letter and looked up. "This may not be as bad as it looks, Harry. Once we get that handbook from the Professor, we can probably get things sorted pretty easily," she predicted, just a a book appeared in a flash of flame and fell to the tabletop.
"That was quick," muttered Harry, reaching for the book. Hermione beat him to it.
"OK, let's see. They had three compaints. First, the bad guy you killed didn't stay dead." she muttered while flipping pages, "Here we are. It says here that failure to permanently dispose of bad guys is a sign of sloppy workmanship, or an attempt to launch an unending series of sequels. I think that we should point out that you were only a year old at the time, and promise to do better next time. The next time you see Voldemort, destroy him, and don't stop until the job is done. Got that Harry?
"The second complaint is that you are, in their words, a loser with the ladies. Hard to argue with that. Maybe Ginny and I can give you some pointers." she smirked. Harry looked disgruntled.
"Third point. Failure to properly register your assistants," as Hermione flipped more pages, "It seems that a Hero is expected to have a side-kick, a romantic interest, and optionally a comic relief and a posse. The holders of these positions are to be registered with the IHLP. I guess this reflects a bit on that lose-with-the-ladies thing too."
Harry looked at Hermione, eyes wide, "I have to register my friends?" he blurted out.
"Just the ones in specific roles," answered the bushy haired witch with a smile, "I'd be honored to be your sidekick."
"Can I have two sidekicks?" asked Harry, worrying about Ron.
"Nope, just one. And I am not going to be your romantic interest or comic relief," she answered firmly.
"True, neither of those roles would fit you well, would they? I'm just worried about what Ron would say at being called comic relief", mused Harry.
"Hmmm. Oh, excellent. It says here that while being sneaky and deceptive is not usually heroic behaviour, it is acceptable to let the comic relief think he is a sidekick, in the interest of keeping team operations smooth. That's Ron in a nutshell, don't you think?" Hermione smirked.
"I guess that leaves the romantic interest slot to fill. Are their any specific requirements for that job, or do I get to pick who I want, assuming I can catch her?" asked Harry.
"The rules say that she has to be stunningly beautiful. Cho would have qualified, as would Parvati, but you've managed to mess those up. About the only other girl at Hogwarts that would qualify is Daphne Greengrass, but she's a Slytherin." Turning the page, Hermione's eyebrows shot up, "OR, she can be reasonably pretty, athletic, and prone to violence. Sort of a heroine to match the hero."
"I don't know anybody like that", replied Harry.
"Anybody like what?" asked Ron as he entered the kitchen.
"Female, pretty, athletic, and prone to violence," answered Hermione.
"Sound like my sister," Ron offered.
"What sounds like your sister?" asked Ginny, sitting beside Harry. Harry blushed.
Hermione smirked and pointed at Harry before answering, "he needs a romantic interest for his Hero's License. Ron just pointed out that you are well qualified". Harry was trying to sink below the table as Ron trembled under Ginny's glare.
"Just what are these qualifications, then?" asked the younger girl.
"Pretty, athletic, and violent" grinned Hermione, as Ron started trying to shrink out of sight too.
"Why didn't you put in for the romantic interest yourself, Hermione?" Ginny asked.
"Several reasons. I dont' qualify under the 'stunningly beautiful' category, or the 'heroine companion' category. Also, Harry and I just don't think of each other that way." explained Hermione.
"What's this heroine-companion thing?"
"Pretty, athletic, and prone to violence", was Hermione's reply.
Ginny looked over at Harry, who was just peeking over the edge of the table. "Come on up Harry, I won't bite you. Unlike some other people" she glared at Ron. "And if you would like me to be your romantic interest, we can negotiate my terms later." Harry nodded at this and seemed to relax.
"I think that's it, Harry. You just need to send them a letter promising the finish the job next time and inform them of your crew. You have Ginny for a romantic interest, and Ron and me as sidekicks. List Neville and Luna as members of your posse." concluded the brightest witch of her age.
Ginny noticed Hermione wink when she mentioned sidekicks and looked at Harry. He whispered to her that Ron was really the comic relief, earning a chuckle from the red haired girl. "Come on Harry, let's go up to the library. I'll help you with your letter, and then we can do some negotiating". This last was delivered with a sultry look that shut down most of Harry's brain as he followed her out the door.