I wanted to comment on Cote's decision to leave NCIS. I know a lot of people have thought that it was CBS who decided to let Cote go but it has been released that it was her decision. As sad to see her go as I am, I have to say I understand. Sometimes life just has to move on and I suspect, based on everything we see about her in interviews, that she felt like she just needed to move on and a change of pace. I wish her the best and look forward to seeing her in other things.

Set after Gibbs' mission is completed and they are reinstated as agents.

Part 1: Falling Apart

She had been thinking a lot about things lately. The last year had been a tough one. So much had changed. The way she viewed a lot of things, including herself, had changed. She had spent her whole life fighting the same battles. In Israel, there was no choice. But here… she had a choice. She needed to think. She needed to talk to someone. She needed to talk to him. So here she was, standing outside his door, trying to build up the confidence to knock.

It took Tony exactly 2 minutes to open the door. She counted.

"Hey, fancy seeing you here. Did we have plans that I forgot about," he asked her with his usual impish grin.

"No we did not. May I come in?"

"Of course," Tony said stepping aside.

Ziva walked in to the apartment and Tony closed the door behind her. "So… what's on your mind, Ms. Daaavieed?" he asked with a look that was somewhere between a smirk and curiosity. His eyes seemed to be boring in to her soul.

"I need to talk to you about something."

"Well, what's on your mind."

"Tony, this past year has been… difficult," she admitted, pacing back and forth across his living room.

"I know, I was there…" Tony sat down heavily on the coach. He was beginning to wonder where this was going.

"Yes. You were there. You were always there. You have always been there." She said stopping to look directly in to his eyes from where she stood.

Tony stayed silent. He was looking at her with that look again.

"Hey, what are friends for?" he said with a tight, somewhat sincere, yet almost sarcastic smile.

Ziva thought about broaching that subject… but on second thought decided that there are other things to talk about first. She took to her previous task of pacing the length of his living room.

"Tony, I am tiered. And not the kind of tiered that can be slept off. I am the kind of tiered that makes it impossible to sleep."

Tony said nothing. He only looked at her. In that look she could see so many things. This was another one of those moments where no words were needed. He knew this. He had known this for quite some time. She had said it before.

"This time, I do not think I can continue." She said it so quietly.

"To do what?"

"You know what. My entire life has resolved around this fight. Fighting against terrorists, enemies to the state, and murderers. Always fighting. Sometimes I feel like I am fighting against myself," she ended in a humorless laugh.

She stood looking at the other side of the room for a long time before looking back to him.

"What do you want Ziva?"

"I don't know anymore."

"I think that is your first problem. If you don't know what you want, what you're fighting for… how can you know what direction to go."

Ziva looked at him for a moment and decided to join him on the coach. She moved over to the opposite end, plopped down, and sighed.

"I think I just need some peace. I need to figure out what I am outside of… this. I was never given the opportunity or option to make these discoveries when I was young; I think I would like to do them now. What do you think?" The last question was tentative and unsure.

"I think that you could do anything you want to Ziva. You're an American now… welcome to the land of opportunity. I think you deserve the chance to find out these things about your self. I think you deserve every opportunity. I will support what ever decision you make."

Ziva looked at him again. There it was. She could see it in his eyes. Hear it in his voice. Feel it radiating from him.

"Tony, I just want you to know what your friendship has meant to me," she said looking down at her hands. She looked up to see him staring at her and he smiled.

"I know."

She stood up again and took to pacing the room once more. "No, I do not think you do."

"Ziva…"

"I am not always very good at expressing my self."

"Oh no, you have expressed yourself quite clearly."

"No! I have not."

His eyes snapped to hers and she visibly swallowed as she made her way to the coach and sat, this time right beside him.

"Surely you must know…" her eyes faltered as she blinked to control her emotions and thoughts, "I have always known."

"Could have fooled me," he said quietly.

She reached up to caress his face. She let her eyes search his. She could see it all there: love, friendship, caution, hurt, and somehow trust.

"We are not just friends, we are best friends, but there is more than that. I just do not know how much I can give right now."

"What are you saying Ziva."

Ziva looked in to his eyes and wished that she could say everything that he wanted to here. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. She wanted to tell him that they could be together. She wanted to tell him that even though she was leaving NCIS, that she was not leaving him. More than anything, she hated what she was about to say.

"I am saying that I do not have anything left to offer you Tony. I do not even know who I am anymore. I need to find my own way."

"Then I will wait. I have waited for eight years; I can wait a little bit longer. When you figure it out, I will be here."

His hand came up to cup hers that still lingered on his face. Tears stung the back of her eyes and she did her best to push them back.

"I can not ask you to wait for something that may never come." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Their hands slid from his face and he clasped her had in both of his against his chest. "You're not asking…"

"No but I am answering the question you never asked. No Tony. I cannot do this. I am… so sorry. I wish I had another answer to give you."

"I wish a lot of things."

Tony then did something that she was not expecting. He leaned forward a lightly pressed his lips to hers. At first she stiffened against his kiss, but then she softened, just for a moment. And for that moment they both had everything that they wanted. Everything they thought they needed for so long. But it was not enough.

Ziva pulled back and looked in to his eyes. It was his turn to see everything that was left unsaid. In that moment she did her best to express everything that he needed. She wanted to reflect everything that he meant to her in her eyes.

Tony's eyes slid closed. He released a breath and whispered, "I was always afraid this day would come… the day when you left."

"I did not want this day to come. I wish…"

"I know."

Ziva leaned forward and let her forehead rest against Tony's. They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity. Finally Ziva sat back and looked to the door, disentangling herself from his grasp.

"It is late, I should go."

"What will you do?"

She laughed a laugh filled with nervous energy. "I have been thinking… and I know this seems ridiculous… I am by far much older than the average student… but still; I was never given the opportunity… I think I would like to go to college."

Tony smiled at Ziva, reached across the expansion between them, and squeezed her hand.

"I think that is a great idea. You can do anything. I am convinced."

Relief washed over Ziva. She began to relax. She began to let herself hope that maybe, just maybe, she would not loose Tony in this forever.

"Thank you Tony. It is nice to know I have your support."

"Always."

She stood up at this point and began walking to the door. Tony followed. She turned to him and smiled. She decided that she could say at least one thing that she had wanted. "You know Tony, just because I am leaving NCIS does not mean that I am leaving you. Or anyone else for that matter."

"I know. Keep in touch. And if you need anything, I will always have your back."

"That is something I have always known." And with that she turned and left. She didn't know where she was going or where this road was leading her, but she knew that she had to follow it. She knew that her time at NCIS had been a great blessing. It had given her a home, a family, and opened the door for her to find the peace she so desperately needed. She was not leaving it behind; she would carry it with her. Her time there and the people that she loved would stay in her heart, Always.

I know I ended with them not together. It just seems like a more plausible ending to her story. I hope I am wrong though and I will probably re-write their ending in my head or on here if they don't end up together.