A.N.: I am not sure of whether or not to continue with this story, so I thought I would post it and see what the readers thought of it. This is a story where reviews would really be helpful. Oh, and I should also say that although this story can stand alone, it is the continuation of the End of an Innocence, a story I posted earlier. However, you do not need to read that story to understand this one.
Dear Dr. Isobel Stevens:
I would like to introduce myself. My name is Hannah Jacobs, and according to the adoption agency, you are my birthmother. For ten years now, I had wanted the opportunity to express my gratitude. I know you are the one who donated bone marrow when I needed a transplant ten years ago. I know you might be a little confused because of the fact that I did not want to meet you at that time. You have to understand, however, that meeting you would have been an extremely emotional experience. I was already overwhelmed with being so ill, needing a bone marrow transplant, and having to stay in the hospital. Meeting you would have just been too much at the time. You may want nothing to do with me. I have prepared myself greatly for that. You have terminated your parental rights and owe me nothing. I understand that, but I'm hoping, deep down in my heart, that you still think about me every once in awhile, and that you might be willing to give me an explanation why. I have nothing against being adopted. In fact, I am going to school for social work so that I may help others with the adoption process. I think it is special that one person who feels their child deserves a better life than the life they could provide can pass on that gift of parenthood to a couple that may not have had the chance otherwise. However, a part of me still wonders why you had given up for adoption, and if you ever regret your decision. I know that may be a little selfish for me to ask, but those questions burn a way into my mind every once in awhile. I look forward to a response but know that you are not obligated to do so. I only want a response from you if that is what you want as well.
Sincerely,
Hannah Jacobs
Dear Hannah:
I'm sorry that it took me so long to respond. I know a couple months have passed, but I needed a little bit of time to think. My heart broke the last time I had the possibility of meeting you, and you had turned it down. Since then, I have distanced myself from the thought of meeting you. Don't get me wrong—I had wanted to meet you, but I wasn't sure if I could risk the rejection again. Don't feel bad, though. I do understand how traumatic an illness combined with a hospital stay can be overwhelming. I was so happy to receive your letter. I cannot even express how I felt in words. It filled my heart with joy just to know that you are okay and that the bone marrow transplant helped to save your life.
Here's my explanation, to the best of my abilities. I feel that you are an adult now and deserve the honest truth, so will not leave anything out. I did know your father. He was my fiancé at the time, and he attacked me. That night was the last night I ever saw him. I didn't even press charges, even though now I regret that. At the time of the pregnancy, I was single and working as a model in order to save up money for medical school. I didn't have adequate financial or emotional stability at the time to properly raise two children.
Yes, you heard my correctly, two children. I am not sure what your parents have told you, but you had a twin…a little baby boy. Unfortunately, he went into respiratory distress shortly after birth and didn't make it. I am so sorry. That might be quite a shock for you but please know that your brother did not live in vain. Yes, his life was short, but he played a crucial role in my healing process from the attack. Whenever life gets a little rough, I think of that little baby boy, and my heart smiles in remembrance. Yes, I think about you as well. The decision to give you up for adoption was not an easy one for me. A child, any child, is a gift from God. I went back and forth deciding whether it was okay or not to give up one's own children. One night, however, I was sitting at my dining room table, flipping through potential couples for the adoption, and I came across your parents. It just seemed right. I am not saying that my heart did not ache inside to sign off my parental rights. It nearly killed me…I had almost changed my mind in court, but I just ultimately knew that your life would be better off with the family you got placed in.
I would love to hear more about you if you feel up to it. I would love to at least her what you have to say about my explanation, but that is your choice…whether or not to respond. It was very nice to hear from you, though.
Sincerely,
Isobel Stevens, MD