"Darkness is becoming ubiquitous again in this grim room…The silence of these four walls that have crushed my hopes so many times with their cruel nonchalance, whenever my soul was on the verge of screaming in despair… that spine-chilling silence is now torturing me sluggishly.
Try as hard as I might, I can't change who I am, I can't release the curse of vengeance that was put on me , I am Estella Havisham, I am bound to fool and entrap ludicrous man and I don't have a choice but to go the full distance. So what has happened? Nothing whatsoever… but the future looks bleak.
All the moments spent here have been nothing but a depressing routine: getting up, getting dressed in the same mournful chamber, having breakfast in the same rotten atmosphere, talking to the same annoying figures like Sarah Pocket , being admired by the same ghost-like woman who painfully realises that she finally reaps what she sows-I can't love her, I can't be soft and sweet… not even to her. After all this agonizing "spare time", I have to be spruced up by all sorts of courses- how to behave in society, how to walk, even how to break a heart…. Then comes the worst part... reading with my benefactress novels about proud beauties that bring about nothing but sadness and despair. I'm not sure I want to be like that anymore. I can't fathom if I ever wanted to be anything similar to this. Inevitably, Miss Havisham bursts into tears every time and begins her tragic story …a story of a bride left on her wedding day by a scoundrel who tore her heart to pieces… a story she never finishes. In this mansion everything that should be evanescent is immortal, the clocks, the life, all of these stopped. I am languishing in this rut because I lack the qualities that underpin the existence of an ordinary girl- softness, trustfulness. I never had the slightest chance to harbour them, to be truly gentle and sweet.
Am I to live forever alone?"