Don't ask! Just know that right now, I'm flyin' high on caffeine (one big ass of white chocolate macchiato w/2 shots expresso, to be exact) and have Ai Otsuka's "CHU-LIP" on loop !!
Hanarenai no na ya soo yu koto! Ah-Haw-Ah-Haw-Ah-Haaaaw!!!!!!!! CHUU-RIIPU!...
Disclaimer: Brahma forbid that I write another crap story like this...
"Hey Japan! This is Tetsuya Watanabe, and you're watching NHK's 'Five Questions'! Everyday, I'll ask randomly chosen people five questions that you vote for online! Today we are in the Tokyo to ask some students and teachers at Tokyo High School this week's top five questions! So let's begin!"
"First question: Pork buns or Melon Bread?"
"Both!"
"Melon Bread?! I LOVE MELON BREAD!! Melon bread is a grain you know… Actually, it isn't… I lied."
"Both! Lots of carbs are good for energy!"
"Those aren't exactly healthy foods. I say neither"
"Are you on crack or something? Why the hell are you asking me this?"
"This is hard… Pork buns are sugar free, but melon bread is low in cholesterol… Pork buns!"
"Neither. I don't like those kinds of food…"
"Well, it depends if she likes them…"
"My mom always makes melon bread, so I'll go with that."
"Pork buns… My daughter loves them"
"Next question: If you could create your one true love, what would they look and be like?"
"She-… I mean the person would have l-long f-f-f-flowing black hair! A-a-and they would be really tall, a-and they would be really quiet, and a-a-athletic, and…"
"I... Uh…. err…."
"--blushes--"
"True love?"
"Mmm… I dunno about the looks. But they would be a cool, laid back kind of person, ya' know what I mean?"
"First of all, they would have to be loaded, and second, they would have to know how to handle a girl like me, if ya know what I mean --winks--. As for the looks…"
"What?! They've started human cloning already? Are you a clone?"
"LUU-PAAN!!!"
"She put you up to this didn't she!?! Well I'll tell you this much, they would certainly not be loud, and definitely not a drunk either!... Why are you looking at me like that?!"
"I'm married to my true love"
"Question three: What would you do with a quadrillion yen?"
"First, I would go shopping in Ginza and pick up the latest designer clothes, then I'll go to Disneyworld! And all of the Six Flags parks too, then maybe hire a personal trainer or something, and then…"
"I dunno what I would do with that much…"
"I would open up a chain of private school just for girls."
"Steak and Sake for life!!"
"You know something, I think I read somewhere once that if you combined the amount of cells in every Japanese person's body, it would total around that number. So I'm thinking if we all were to huddle together in one place, would the world consider us a single celled organism?"
"I would pay to replace Fujiko with me for the next season of 'Lupin', and then I would buy a meatball factory! Matter of fact, I would buy Italy, and make every Italian cook meatballs for me everyday! Then I would buy a massive amount of Pocky and Ramune, and then…"
"Wow, that's a lot of money! I would give it to charity"
"I would buy my own custom built mountain bike and the latest sports gear. I would also get Sony to build me a custom gaming system! Maybe I'll even go globe trekking"
"I would use it to buy millions of yellow rose bouquets and leave them at her door!"
"A quadrillion? Hmm.. A bigger apartment or a house would be nice, some new furniture too…"
"Question four: What do you fear the most?"
"I have no fears!"
"There's a really dark street in my neighborhood that creeps me out!"
"Being less than the best…"
"A day when she doesn't come to school"
"Losing my job! What would I do if I couldn't see them swimming in the pool, or coming out of the dressing room!?"
"My bathroom scale…"
"The day 'Yotchan' goes out of business!"
"--vacantly stares-- Those pigtails… They're plotting to take over the world! The other day, they whispered some pretty mean things to me!"
"A day when I won't see him on my way home"
"Not being fulfilled in life…"
"This question was submitted by Akira from Kanagawa Prefecture. Congratulations Akira! You win an NHK T-Shirt! So now, the final question! Which is worse, someone tickling you, or biting you?"
"Tickling. I'm used to getting bit…"
"--grins--Are you hitting on me boy?"
"Getting bit would be scary! Plus, you risk getting a lot of germs"
"That's tough! I wonder if she likes to get tickled… --blushes--"
"Tickling! I can't stop laughing when someone tickles me!"
"I wet myself the last time someone tickled me…"
"--stares--"
"Bashou once wrote a poem about being bit. It starts off like this…"
"Excuse me?"
"Biting. It doesn't burn any calories…"
"Well there you have it folks! I would like to thank today's participants, and I would also like to thank you Japan! Be sure to tune in tomorrow morning as I get answers to your top voted questions in Sapporo! Until tomorrow at ten, Sayonara!"
Again! Don't ask! Just know that Macchiatos + Ai Otsuka equals Not good!!
I'm workin' hard on putting up "Shrapnel" for ya folks! Chapter three is in step 4 of 5 (scene arrangement)