Ren gazed across their shared room. He stared absentmindedly at his roommate, group mate, and lover, and sighed. He glanced away from his possibly ex-lover. He wasn't exactly sure what they were now. A pit formed in his stomach and he felt a shudder crawl up his spine, yet he denied it. The last thing he wanted was to show any weakness toward Hijirikawa. Yet a piece of him told him to break down, to get on his knees and to take the hand of his one and only love, to kiss it, to tell him everything and to tell him how he really felt. His fingers curled as he realized even if he did, the beautiful man he loved more than life itself, the one who he promised he'd always love, the one who be betrayed, the one he'd give anything to take back his life and redo to be perfectly with, wouldn't believe his confession for a second.
Masato stared at the wall, fighting back tears. He was tired of all of this. The yelling, the arguing, the feelings. He hated how jealous he got over every little thing, how the promiscuous saxophonist could so easily smile and make him believe things he'd say like how he would always be by his side. How he'd always love only him. Of course that was a lie. How could someone like that, someone like Ren, so easily drop his lifestyle for someone, even if that someone was him? He fought the shaking as emotions welled up in him. He hated Jinguji. He hated how he could hardly control his emotions with him. He hated how naturally all feeling was, especially when he still had to go back to not keeping all feeling under control. It was tiring. What's more, the things he felt for the blonde were tiring in of themselves. He was always so annoyed at him. He was so... His slim fingers curled as he realized it. He was always so worried that Ren was with someone. He was paranoid Ren would break his promise - which he did after all - and would have an affair. Ren said he could wait if it was for him and he should have known that was too good to be true coming from such a promiscuous man.
He couldn't help it. He trusted Ren, he loved Ren, and he knew why. He knew Ren was sorry. He knew Ren couldn't function without him...so was it his fault? Should he try harder to be a better match for Jinguji? He knew Ren been trying hard yet...he just wasn't ready... Was that his fault?
Ren had been staring at the beautiful, handsome perfection of the one he had known so long, the one that was most special to him. Yet after noticing such a small thing, he didn't care how angry the other would get. It had always been like this after all.
Regardless how Masato would hate him, he would always be there for him.
Because he loved Masato unconditionally.
Hijirikawa hadn't even noticed tears welling in his eyes, almost unnoticeable shaking, but Jinguji did. Of course he did. It had always been the small things he noticed.
Ren quickly moved from his chair and sat down on the couch next to Masato and wrapped his arms around him. Masato stiffened but couldn't refrain from shaking more. He wanted this so much, for Ren to look at or even think of only him. It was only fair for him, because in all honesty Ren was basically the only one he ever think of.
How had they never realized this before?
Finally Ren spoke in a hushed whisper, trying to keep himself together, the words coming out in one quick breath, finally being let out, "I love you, I'm sorry." Masato only nodded in response, but it was enough.
The pianist hated to admit it, but he would be just as much of a wreck without Ren as he knew well Ren would be without him. With that thought, he turned and hugged Ren back, burying his face in the others shoulder who in turn nuzzled his head, holding each other close they sat silently.