Light Carries On
Lady Mary was not inebriated. She would never be so lax in her behavior, but perhaps she had allowed herself one drink past usual. Her headache had receded to dull fogginess and her tired eyes just wanted to rest for a moment…
"Sybil? Sybil, where in heaven are you?! Sybil!" Mary called and then mumbled, "When I find you…" Mary scanned everywhere and kept walking further on the grounds when her youngest, pain in the ass sibling was nowhere to be found.
"Sybil!" Mary finally exclaimed, equal parts relieved and exacerbated.
Sybil was laughing and playing in the farthest creek of the estate. Her hair was loose, down to her shoulders, and an absolute disaster. She had mud on her face and was wearing…where did she even find that pair of trousers! And with her was a young, blonde haired boy about Sibyl's age, no older than twelve. The boy looked up at her and gave her an incredibly kind smile that made Mary blush. He held her a gaze a moment before looking back down at whatever he had been inspecting in the stream.
Mary watched the pair of them for a moment, very well aware of the fact that her sister had not yet bothered to acknowledge her. Yet, she seemed so happy. Mary almost wanted to be jealous of her or angry, but she found she just wanted to enjoy her sister's bliss for a moment. Though, they really must get back. Papa would be furious and Mary deserved acknowledgement.
With her hands on her hips, Mary called, "Sybil! I know you can hear me. Come out of there at once!"
It was a few seconds more, before Sybil finally looked up. When she did, the little girl in the stream had transformed into a full-fledged young lady with short hair. She had a peaceful and kind smile, but there was a small hint of sadness in her eyes. "Mary." It was a moment more before either said anything more. Sybil continued, "Oh, Mary. You've done so wonderfully."
"Have I?" Mary shook her head. "It feels as if I've only barely been existing. Darling, you're the one who really lived your life. You never took no for an answer and you never let anyone influence your decision. I've always envied you that. Heaven knows as much as I wanted to, I always did what was expected."
"Maybe so. But, it was still never anything you didn't really want. I've always been proud of you," Sybil answered. There was a pause. "Mary, I do miss you so much. You, and Tom. And everyone. You've always been so very good to Tom. Thank you for that and for how much you've helped him. Our children are so very beautiful, Mary and I couldn't be happier that you're there to be their mother. I want you to know that. And that I'm alright, really. Whenever he doubts, please tell Papa there is nothing to forgive and he isn't to blame. No one is. Please tell Sibbie and Tom I love them so very much and I'll always be looking after them. I love you, Mary. I love all of you, forever."
"Sybil, wait!" Mary cried, reaching for her little sister. Sybil was turning back to the stream. "Sybil, darling. I love you."
Just before she reached the stream again, the blonde haired boy looked up. Yet, he, too was now much older. Mary stumbled to the ground in shock.
"Now, we can't have that." He walked over and offered her his hand up. "There, now." He smiled, brushing her hair back and resting his hand on her face. "Dear Mary. Where's my strong girl who always had something silly to tell me I was wrong about?"
Mary let out a short laugh. "I don't know." She just shook her head.
"Mary," Matthew said. "We have such a beautiful little boy. And he has an amazing mother." He laughed, partly jesting as he continued. "One who no doubt will have him terrorizing poor Carson with endless questions and requests as soon as he can talk."
"But what about his father who would have taught him that he didn't need to? Who would have taught him to be so much more than I ever can," Mary replied and then begged, "How could you leave me, leave us? Matthew, I can't do this alone."
"Love, you're not alone. Not ever for one second. You or Georgie. I want you to know that. And you know how to teach him all that."
"I don't. It was never my way. You know that."
"Maybe," Matthew smiled, leaned forward, and kissed her. "But just teach him, too, what you know we would have fondly disagreed over." He leaned forward and kissed her. "And Mary, never hold yourself back because of what's in the past."
"Matthew," Mary said. "I love you."
Mary woke with a start. She reached out as if expecting a hand to be there. "No. No," she cried when no one was.
A breeze rustled through her hair and Mary realized she'd fallen asleep outside in the grass. "Mary!" someone called in the distance. It sounded like Edith. Edith had probably about had it between her and Tom, but she had graciously stepped back into her role as comforter and provider as she had during the war. Mary put a hand to her head. Perfect. Her boy was probably wondering where she'd gone and everyone was probably worried where she'd gotten off to. It wasn't like her. But, who hadn't been out of sorts at some point during the past months? The sun was just setting in a brilliant purple and gold, illuminating Downton. Mary shook her head. After everything, Downton was still standing. And if that was possible, then it was possible for Mary to keep going and cling tight to the memories, share them with the kids, and make more new memories to be proud of.