disclaimer: don't own anything but I wish did
AN: I know this has been done loads of times before but I've tried my best to put original ideas in it
57 things not to say or do to Voldermort
1. Ask him why he couldn't kill a baby
2. Refer to him as voldy-poo
3. Refer to him as moldy-warts
4. Refer to him as moldy-farts
5. Refer to him as moldy-shorts
6. Refer to him as anything other than Voldermort, the dark lord or you know who
7. Draw a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead...
8. ... then tell him you were trying to make him as powerful as Harry potter
9. Ask him why he's always dressed for Halloween
10. On valentine's day send him flowers and say that they're from Snape
11. Ask him if he has romantic feelings for Snape
12. Ask him if he has romantic feelings for Lucius Malfoy
13. Ask him if he has romantic feeling feelings for Dumbledore
14. Next time he comes up with a plan to Harry Potter add on to the end "and then Potter will escape and I'll come up with a new plan which will also fail"
15. Buy him a puppy...
16. ... and tell him it will help him relax
17. Next time he gets angry tell him to go to his happy place
18. When he's trying to sleep go into his room and sing nursery rhymes
19. Give him a make-over
20. Give his snake a make-over
21. Spill coffee on his plans for world domination...
22. ... Then tell him they were rubbish anyway
23. Tell him you know the name of good therapist
24. Sing Christmas carols at the top of your voice
25. Tell him he needs to go outside more
26. Get a box and tell him to put a galleon in the box every time he talks about Harry Potter
27. Tell him his obsession with that Potter kid is getting scary
28. Plan a world-wide Harry Potter look-alike day
29. Plan a world-wide Dumbledore look-alike day
30. During a death eater meeting keep asking "why?"
31. Make him watch Potter Puppet Pals
32. Remind him of all the times he's failed to kill Potter
33. Sing "it's a small world" every time you see him (AN: I've got that song stuck in my head now!)
34. When he's about to kill someone start singing "always look on the bright side of life" and tell everyone to join in
35. Stick up pictures of Dumbledore everywhere in the house
36. Paint his room pink
37. Put up pictures of kittens, puppies and unicorns in his room
38. Hug him every time one of his plans fails...
39. ...and when he gets angry tell him you'll stop if he comes up with any good plans
40. Laugh loudly whenever you see him...
41. ...when he asks why your laughing just laugh harder
42. Ask him if he's considered plastic surgery
43. When going on a mission sing "when the saints go marching in" at the top of your voice
44. Buy him a teddy bear for Christmas...
45. ...tell him it's called Harry Potter
46. Buy him a rubber duck and tell him to take a bath
47. Buy him a diary and tell him to write in it every time he feels angry
48. Make everything in his house red or gold
49. Start a food fight during one of his meetings
50. When he's just about to kill Harry tell him that British Gas just called and they want to know if he's happy with his energy supply
51. Take him speed dating
52. Play an annoying tune on your phone during his meetings
53. Recite Romeo and Juliet to him
54. Get the death eaters to act out Romeo and Juliet
55. At 4am run into his room and shout "good morning voldy-poo!" in an annoyingly cheerful voice
56. Remind him every day that he was defeated by a baby
57. Do all of these things again and again until he snaps and kills you!