Look A Little Bit Closer, See
limited:
restricted in size, amount, or extent; few, small, or short
i.
When Summer was a young girl, her parents tried to impress upon her the importance of choosing your boyfriend carefully; after all, boyfriends helped determine who her future spouse would be and, with it, how her life would be. Because of this, Summer compiled a list of things she looked for in a boy in second grade. In the beginning, she wanted a boy who was cute and funny and smart and nice.
As she got older, her list grew. After watching Rebel Without a Cause, Summer promised her parents she would never date a boy who was reckless and not careful in every manner. After her parents' divorce, Summer decided that she would never go out with a guy who was not courageous, manly. And after much thought, Summer also promised her parents that her husband would be able to take care of her; her salary from business management would be purely supplementary.
After all, as The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens said, you had to begin with the end in mind. And Summer would have her funeral planned by the end of fifth grade if she had anything to do with it.
ii.
When Summer was in seventh grade, a rumor went around the class that Freddy Jones had his eye on her. Summer blushed and rolled her eyes to Marta, who squealed and proclaimed that she would forever hate Summer for spuring the love of the most perfect boy in the universe.
Still (out of pure coincidence) Summer's hand accidentally brushed against the right keys in her cell phone that night to call Freddy.
They were together the next day.
Freddy was amazing. Everybody thought that he was just a "bad boy," reckless. That was only because nobody noticed how sweet he could be, how fiercely passionate he was about everything. He even fought a boy from another class because, he claimed, the boy looked at Summer the wrong way.
And, of course, he was an amazing kisser, and the most perfect first boyfriend any girl could have.
Until, two weeks in to their relationship, she noticed that he wasn't paying as much attention to her as he usually did. She scowled and called him up, demanding who the other girl was that he was seeing. He screamed at her that nothing was going on, she apologized, and he came over to make up. And make out.
A week later, though, Freddy broke his leg skateboarding and was confined to his house. When she went to school the next day in black for her mourning, she found out that he broke his leg skateboarding by Marta's house.
They broke up.
iii.
In ninth grade, Summer noticed Zack looking at her funny. The next day, he had a new "special song," one that he sang while looking directly at her. She grinned as a warm feeling settled inside her stomach, watching Zack.
Two days later, a bouquet of flowers was delivered to her house along with sheets and sheets of poetry. The day after that, a large teddy bear was waiting for her in her first period desk.
Summer called Zack that night. Zack wouldn't admit to giving the gifts, but everybody knew it was him. They talked for four hours that night, and she thought that she had never known a boy more perfect. They kept this trend up for two weeks.
Everybody kept on talking about how they were going to get together, which only made her squirm happily. Every day she would get on the phone with Zack and wonder when he would finally ask her out.
Finally, his chance came. The Winter Formal was fast approaching, the first dance since they became good friends, almost-more-than-friends. She waited every day for him to ask her out, even asked him pointed questions to help him along. Then, the Winter Formal passed.
Summer stopped answering his calls.
iv.
Summer often sat around with her friends from the office, lamenting about how she could never find a good man. Every Friday they would go out to Happy Hour together for a drink and some dancing, and every week she would flirt shamelessly with a guy. Sometimes, he would ask her out, and they would go out to dinner the next week. Still, the guys never seemed as good the second time seeing them, which left no room for a third time.
Then, one night at the grocery store, while pushing her sloppy hair back behind her ear, she heard her name.
When she looked up, it was Lawrence, and she blushed brightly, conscious of her outfit.
He was new to the city, having just made the exchange from Jersey to New York, and he was glad to see a familiar face, if restrained about it. She smiled, though, because he made her think about her teenage years, about all the hope she put in School of Rock, about her beginnings in the business world.
Lawrence still kept that slow burn of contentment in her the second time they met, and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth. He also had a lot of news from their hometown, like Freddy's first two failed marriages, and how he finally settled down with Zack, and how they were raising his daughter happily.
One night, Summer invited Lawrence into her apartment. She found out how kissing Lawrence was a lot like being with him: like a slow burn, like contentment, like "yes, finally."
v.
One day, Summer was packing up her belongings to take them to her new house when she found the list of properties she had made as a child for the kind of man she wanted in her life.
She smiled, threw the letter out the window. Maybe some little girl would find it and feel hopeful.