This is some pure fluff written by myself and Frozenpixie. Enjoy and review :D
Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta's Home for Abandoned Espada.
A new era was beginning in the Soul Society. With Aizen's death, the destruction of Hueco Mundo's strict hierarchy followed soon after, leaving poor, hapless ex-espada and bewildered arrancar milling around like lost puppies, all big eyes and drooping tails, but with an unfortunate tendency to rip each others' throats out.
Several of the less charitable captains were all for letting them finish each other off, but two young shinigamis, unrecognised by Bleach canon, had a better idea. With squad five being vacant, and a lot of very sexy homeless warriors going to waste, Frozenpixie of the thirteenth squad and Figliedellatempesta of the sixth squad approached their taichous with their project.
"It's quite simple, really," explained Figliedellatempesta to the impassive Byakuya, gesturing once more to the complex and very colourful diagram on the board beside her; Frozenpixie and Rukia had been working hard on the plan all morning. "We convert ex-taichou Aizen's old division barracks into a homeless shelter for the select espada we will handpick for their exceptional and desirable qualities."
"And these qualities will be?" Byakuya questioned in his detached voice. Figliedellatempesta's usually pale cheeks pinkened a little, and she looked helplessly at Frozenpixie, who shrugged. It wasn't like they could tell the formidable captain that their top criteria was the adorableness of the espada in question. Ukitake tactfully cut in.
"I take it there would be strict rules to ensure the safety of the Seireitei? After all, the espada are trained killers and enemies of the Soul Society." Figliedellatempesta and Frozenpixie exchanged identical evil grins, making even Byakuya take a small step backwards.
"Oh I think we can keep them under control," Figliedellatempesta said airily.
"Then it is agreed," Ukitake said, smiling at the two shinigamis, causing Frozenpixie to blush a vivid pink. "You will take charge of this new project, and tame the remaining espada into allies of the soul society. I give my permission. Byakuya?"
"Very well," Byakuya sighed, rubbing his temples. He knew that Figliedellatempesta was not above pestering him relentlessly until he gave in, and he was not sure if he could handle her frankly terrifying methods of interrogation. He had never seen skirts that short, and the way she could flip her hair... he almost pitied the espada. "You have my leave."
Ukitake grinned embarrassedly and patted Frozenpixie awkwardly on the back as she hugged him tightly, babbling her thanks, and something which sounded a lot like "Wonderweiss will never take your place in my heart."
"Well that's the easy part out of the way," Figliedellatempesta remarked as the two of them left the room. "Now, it's time to go espada-hunting. Do you have your fishing net?"
"Yes. Do you have the bait?"
"I do."
"Then let's get down to Hueco Mundo and kick some cute espada ass!"
-
Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta strode into Hueco Mundo, letting the gate close up behind them. Immediately they were surrounded by baleful, very hungry espada, eyeing the young shinigami warily. They backed away a little as Frozenpixie raised her net.
"This net is reinforced with reishi and will zap anyone whom it touches into oblivion," she lied easily. "Now, we're here to offer you a deal. We're opening a shelter for you lot in Soul Society, and there will be hot dinners-" Grimmjow's head popped up. "-warm baths with bubbles-" Ulquiorra's eyes widened longingly, "-comfy beds-" Starrk whimpered hopefully, "And lots and lots of ice cream." Wonderweiss's purple eyes widened into staring saucers. Frozenpixie smiled widely. The espada were now surrounding them in a rapt audience, gazing starry-eyed at what the two strange shinigami were offering. All of a sudden, a small, blue-haired child ran forward and threw herself at Frozenpixie's legs.
"Nel wants to come with you," the little arrancar said.
"I shall come also," a low, depressed voice said. The shinigamis looked around to see the pale, sad face of the fourth espada, Ulquiorra Cifer.
"You pussy," Grimmjow scoffed from behind him. "Can't even take care of yourself with your buddy Aizen dead."
"I would not mock, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra scowled. "The only reason you're still alive is because I do not bother to kill trash." Grimmjow growled angrily.
"Oh yeah? Well I'm not going to be petted by a bunch of bleeding heart soul reapers."
"I thought you might say that," Figliedellatempesta said grimly. Grimmjow turned to leer at her. "Unfortunately we are not giving you any choice, Grimmjow. We know your greatest weakness, and we are fully equipped to use it against you."
"Oh yeah?" Grimmjow sneered.
"Yes."
"Uhhhn," a small voice mumbled, and Froxenpixie felt a small hand tugging at the hem of her robe. Two wide purple eyes looked beseechingly up at her. "Muuurgh."
"Yes, you can come with us," Frozenpixie said kindly. Then she looked up, fixing the espada with an icy gaze. "Anyone else?"
A handful of espada slunk off into the darkness, but even more, looking shiftily at their companions, shuffled forwards. In the woebogone ranks were the first espada Starrk, Ulquiorra, Nel, Wonderweiss, Nnoitra and Szayel. Grimmjow was on the fence.
The two shinigamis looked at each other, then raised their nets threateningly. Plunging her hand into her pocket, Figliedellatempesta brought out a chocolate bar. It was a galaxy caramel. Grimmjow's mouth fell open, his eyes full of lust.
"Coming, Grimmjow?" Frozenpixie asked innocently. Scowling, Grimmjow joined the ranks.
"Allrightly. Let's get going," Frozenpixie said cheerfully. "Just a few ground rules before we get there. Bed time is at ten on the dot, teeth MUST be clean, no fighting at the dinner table, meals are at eight, one and six o'clock sharp, and you only get dessert if you're very, very good. Lessons will be hosted by a variety of taichou and fukutaichou for the furtherment of your non-evil education. We reserve all rights to spank, tie up, tickle or tease anyone who disobeys us. Is that clear? Great, then let's get going."
Back at the late fifth squad HQ – now reading 'Frozenpixie and Figliedellatempesta's Home For Abandoned Espada' in large, swirly green writing, exactly the same shade as Ulquiorra's eyes –the motley collection of Espada were beginning to question their rash decision to come to this place. They hadn't expected... rules... but Frozenpixie was in full swing.
"Sign up sheets for lessons are over there, each espada must attend at least three different classes, and sport-" she gave a wide, perverted grin, "-is compulsory. Uniforms will be delivered tomorrow morning. Oh, and there's a strict policy of no fugly masks, Nnoitra, I'm looking at you."
"I'm not wearing a mask," protested the indignant espada. Frozenpixie looked baffled.
"But that... oh, that's your face? Make sure you sign up for Matsumoto-fukutaichou's 'How to look sexy' class." Grimmjow snickered.
"All right, everyone, milk and crackers, then bedtime," Figliedellatempesta cut in firmly, shooing the espada over to the large canteen area. "And remember to use your napkins!"