Prologue:

"This means I'll never swim with you again."

Haruka's eyes widened.

"Never."

Rin turned and jogged triumphantly over to his teammates with a wide grin, arms raised. Nitori called out to him enthusiastically. Haruka didn't notice any of this and remained in the pool. He felt like he couldn't breathe, and yet he was panting due to the very taxing race he had just had. He felt like his heart had stopped beating, and yet he could hear his pulse hammering away in his ears. He was truly frozen in place, unblinking and utterly blank. He didn't even move when a voice came over the loudspeaker asking all swimmers to clear the pool for the next race.

"Hey, you! In lane five! Get out of the water," one of the timers yelled.

"Come on, Haru." A kind voice said. Haru didn't look up, but he took the hand that he instinctively knew to be there and was pulled out of the water. "You…you really did great, Haru. Another personal best-"

"Save it, Makoto." Haru said, then turned and walked toward the locker room leaving his best friend standing there, worried.

Haruka made his way, briskly, yet somewhat clumsily through the locker room, passing gym bags, towels, and benches to get to the showers. He entered the last shower stall and closed the curtain behind him. He turned the knob only slightly to the left, and the cold water covered him as he slid down the wall and sat on the tiled floor. He didn't cry or lash out, instead he sat there with a million thoughts racing through his mind. His thoughts were racing so quickly, that he didn't even have time to grasp onto any particular one for more than a few seconds:

It's happening to you again. It's happening to you again. It's happening to you again-

Your parents, your grandparents-

Why did you run away?

Why must you always run to water?

Now, he's left you too.

Why did you run away from Makoto?

Why couldn't you just break down and cry for once-

I never wanted this. I never wanted to be like this.

Just let it out, Haruka.

Why can't you?

It's because they all leave you. All of them will. All of them will leave you-

He tried to quiet his thoughts by focusing on slowing his heartbeat and breathing. He felt the water, cold and wonderful against his skin. The sensation calmed him. He imagined himself being consumed by it. Nothing but him, wrapped up in a calm, cool ocean like a never-ending blanket. No sound, no people. Nothing.

Eventually, Haruka stood up, shut the water off and left the stall. He wasn't sure how long he had been in there, but when he left the locker room and went outside, the sun was lower in the sky. As much as he didn't want to, he had to go find Makoto and the others. He made his way to the benches and found his teammates leaning over the railing, staring at the pool.

"Go, Mako-chan, go!" Nagisa cheered. Haruka's head swiveled to face the water and he saw Makoto swimming in one of the middle lanes, but he barely recognized him. He was swimming backstroke, tearing through the water like crazy. He usually was a ferocious swimmer, but this was something completely different.

When Haruka reached Nagisa he stood next to him and gripped the railing. He stared at Makoto, unblinking. Makoto's hands slammed into the wall seconds before any of the other swimmers could. Nagisa jumped up and down, Rei cheered loudly, Kou and Ama-sensi yelled and high-fived. And Haruka did nothing but stand there in awe.

After cheering for a moment, Nagisa suddenly turned toward him.

"Haru-chan! You're back!" He launched himself at Haruka and hugged him tightly, "I'm so happy you're back! We were all worried about you." He patted Nagisa on the head and glanced around at the others. Rei adjusted his glasses, and Kou and Ama-sensei smiled at him.

"You know you beat your personal record," Said Kou excitedly.

"You were truly great," said Ama-sensei, "and you know, a time like this makes me think of that famous quotation from-"

"Mako-chan," Nagisa yelled, cutting her off. He detached himself from Haruka and ran over to him, "you were amazing! I've never seen you swim that intensely before!'

Makoto grinned, "Thanks, Nagisa." He looked up and when he saw Haruka, his expression changed from happy to surprised to worried within a matter of milliseconds. "Haru, are you-"

"You were great, Makoto," said Haruka.

"That really was amazing, Makoto-sempai! How did you manage to significantly improve your time so quickly? Can you teach me how to do that?" Rei was now standing in front of Makoto asking him all sorts of scientific questions, but Makoto's eyes were fixed solely on Haruka's. Haruka broke the eye contact and sat down on the bench. He didn't move or say another word until it was time to leave.

Eventually, it was night and Haruka and Makoto were walking to their houses after being dropped off by Ama-sensei. They walked in silence at first, even remaining silent when Makoto chose to walk with Haruka up the staircase to his home. However, the silence was broken when Haruka tried to open the door.

"Well, goodnight," he said.

"Hold on," Makoto grabbed Haruka's left wrist as he tried to enter his house.

"What is it?"

"Where did you go after your race? You were gone for awhile and we were worried about you. I was worried about you." Haruka turned around to reluctantly face his best friend.

"What does it matter? I'm okay, Makoto. Really."

"Don't lie to me, Haru. You know that I know what you're thinking. You just want me to leave so you can go sit in your bathtub for the rest of the night."

Haruka's eyes widened. "No, I'm not. I'm going to make some mackerel, then go to bed."

"You're lying." Haruka averted his gaze away from Makoto, "I want to help you, Haru, but I can't help you unless you talk to me. You can pretend that whatever happened between you and Rin isn't a big deal, but it is and-"

"Just drop it, Makoto. I don't want to talk about this." Haruka walked into his house and shut the door behind him. He walked upstairs, stripped down to his bathing suit, filled the tub and immersed himself in the water for hours.