Tongue tied.
"Are you going to finish that or are you just going to stare at it all night?"
Traynor sat down on the bar stool next to his, not in the least deterred by his silent glare. She reached out for a bottle of brandy, leaning over him, close enough for him to smell the alcohol on her breath.
"Don't you think you've had enough already?"
"I can still stand, I can still think, and I can still recognize that look of annoyance on your face, so I guess the answer is no." She held out the bottle towards his glass in a silent question, then shrugged and poured one for herself when he declined.
"So what's bothering you, big guy? You've been sitting there brooding most of the evening."
"Leave it alone, Traynor, and go to bed."
"Please, it's 'Samantha'. And I'm terribly sorry for budding into your self pity like this, but who knows, I might be able to help. This is the Commander's birthday party. And you've been agitated for days. I take it your trip to the citadel wasn't a success?"
Garrus sighed and pushed his glass away. "I have absolutely no idea of what to get her. She's human and she's my girlfriend, and I've got experience with both, just not in that combination."
"Well... what did she get you last time?"
"A rifle mod."
"Ah."
"I could get her the same."
"That's not very original."
"And I know her greaves are worn."
"That's not very romantic."
"So I thought maybe a jewel?"
"Except I really don't think she wears any."
"And I refuse to show up with chocolate and flowers."
"Oh no, way too corny."
He threw up his hands in a gesture of defeat. "She either already has it, or she doesn't need it. There's nothing left to buy for this woman." Then he turned on his seat and looked at his fellow shipmate thoughtfully for a moment. "What would you get her? Suppose the two of you were together?"
"Ha! Now that would be something!" she grinned and pointed at him with her glass. "I guess I would have to get her you, to make her happy."
"But she already has me."
"And I don't suppose she would consider me to be the perfect gift...?"
"Actually I got the impression that Turian males were more to her liking, but I could be mistaken."
"Then you should just go and show her a good time, big man. Get on your knees for her. And I don't mean to give her a ring," she added with a wink.
Garrus gave her a blank stare.
"You know, go for a little pearl diving. And make it extra special."
"I thought you said no jewels."
"Not those kind of jewels, her jewels. Pay her a little lip service?"
Garrus blinked and kept quiet.
"Eat pussy? Kiss the clam? Lick the beaver?"
"I can guess at the general direction this is going in, but I have to tell you that the translator is just giving me a bunch of animal names right now. Think you could be a bit more literal?"
To his surprise, her cheeks flushed and she looked down at the brandy she held cradled in her hands. "You know what I mean... just... make her happy. In the bedroom department that is."
"With sea food."
She nervously started twisting the glass around. "No! No sea food. Just... you go down... and... you take your time... you know."
"Ye-es. Don't worry, I know how to take my time. But I still don't understand how the whole animal circus fits in. Where exactly do I find 'the cat'?"
"Oh, for christ's sake. Oral sex, Garrus, oral sex! Forget the animals, just use your tongue!" She struck the table top with a flat hand and suddenly realized that it had been the only sound in the room. The amused grin on the Turian's face was a clear indicator of what she might find if she were to turn around. Silently praying that she was not too drunk to walk straight, she got up and cleared her throat. "Good luck with that, Garrus, call me if you need any help." She turned, nodded at the Commander, and walked out.