Jesus, I can't seem to get any of my one-shots done. Well, they end up being too long, and just diverge from my original intentions...
I did kind of like what I had down at first, but I felt that it didn't really fit the whole "comfort" theme, so I just whipped out a drabble from god-knows-where.
If you want, you can kind of.. I dunno.. try and infer as to what I'm trying to say about Kanda in this drabble-fic of thoughts.
I really don't know myself, just kind of a rough idea. I'll try and clear up some bits at the end.
Theme: Comfort. Translation: Uh. Comforting? Further translation: Reassurance. Even further: to remind oneself that the task can be done. Sort of.
Disclaimeeerrr. I don't own DGM. Or Kanda. Or Allen. They own each other. And Katsura Hoshino owns them. Go, go, Hoshin-- [shot!]
Enjoy.
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Look at me
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Look at me.
Why won't you look at me?
Of course you won't. You hate me.
Everyone does. But that's not my fault.
It's not my fault I'm a cold-hearted bastard, is it?
Is it my fault that you're all too scared to try and get to know me better,
To find out what I'm really like,
To know more about my life,
Is it really my fault?
I know, I look dashing.
But is that all that matters?
There are other men with long hair, other men who look better than I.
Look at me.
Why won't you look?
Bicker, bicker, shout and yell, I never get tired of it.
I can't tolerate you, nor you I.
Yet that's how it's supposed to be.
We hate each other, don't we?
I hate your smiles, your childish antics and beliefs.
You hate my attitude, but that's a given; everyone does.
You hate the fact that I act superior, but that's a given; everyone does.
You hate the fact that I look down on you and everyone else, but that's a given; everyone does.
You hate the fact that I hate you, don't you?
And yet you still love me, or so you said.
I'll still hate you. I'll still mock you, scorn you, look down on you, until I'm certain.
Will you persevere?
Will you persist in your feelings, or will you give up half-way like Linali did?
Look at me.
Will you joke about it the way Lavi does?
Pretend you love me, but you really don't.
I don't want that.
I don't want that at all.
Why won't you look at me?
Do you hate me now?
Of course you do; everyone does.
Then why do you smile so?
I hate your smiles, you know that.
Do you want me to hate you? Or are you just like that?
The intention of your smiles, the reality, it's all clouded.
Are you truly smiling, or are you trying to push me away with them?
Your smiles are sad, and happy, strained, weakening every day.
You seem to have lost your resolve to smile.
I hate that.
Smile if you hate me, I don't care.
Smile to make me hate you, I don't care.
Smile. Because that's all I have to comfort myself,
To keep me from losing myself.
It's all I have to remind myself of my purpose for being so cold,
For being such an ass, such a bastard.
Look at me truly. See me for who I am, not what.
Who am I?
Look at me, and smile.
Ask me why.
Why do you hate me?
Why do you not?
Why do you keep trying to be civil, yet you wear a fake smile, and yet you speak so truthfully.
Speak with emotion, speak with hate, adoration, love, speak so openly.
Your voice is so simple, I can tell what you're feeling so easily.
Everyone's is. So simple.
Too simple.
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So smile in sadness, love, and anger.
Smile a smile I can't decipher.
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I look forward to seeing how this piece has affected you readers, if at all. 8D