angst angst angst angst. I had planned on this sequel to Sweet Sweet Heartache. What I hadn't planned was it being multiple chapters.
for SamCole. whol loved SSH.
*insert usual disclaimer about every character but my own.
It had been more than a few months since Balthazar's last mutual meeting with Avi. Mutual, as in, they both knew he was there.
It was almost too much for the angel to bare, the fact that Avi had fallen so hard and so fast for him. Well, Balthazar was only a "Him" because of his current vessel. Even the Winchesters seemed to subliminally forget that fact but Avi…
He had a feeling Avi would've loved him regardless of the vessel's gender. It was one of the reasons he appeared in the human's apartment. The capacity of Avi's giving nature… the full and strong beat of his heart under the angel's hand… Balthazar wanted to feel that again and he knew it was one of the most selfish things he would do in his entire existence.
As soon as he lifted his head, Balthazar knew Avi's apartment was not the welcoming place it once was. The walls were coated in a thin layer of dust and cobwebs pooled in the far left corner of the small bedroom. The lights on each beside table had neither light bulbs nor shades and his sheets were in such disarray; Balthazar pondered whether or not the human had slept within the last five days.
He slowly opened the bedroom door with a slight hope that he would find Avi sprawled out over the small living room couch. His smile disappeared when he found the room barren; the only thing that remained was a single folding chair.
'Where is everything?' Balthazar's hand wiped away another layer of dust, although this time, it was a very thick layer.
A cough from the bathroom parallel to Avi's bedroom drew the angel backwards. His confidence level dropped and he tensed at the sound of a body hitting tile floor.
It was then he found his voice.
The first time he met Avi, it was at the end of his fist outside a nightclub in New York City. Avi had a darker look then: faded black jeans, a torn silver muscle shirt, charcoal eyes and an overly gelled mohawk.
And he was plastered.
"Please," his attempt to mock the angel was slurred and the human could barely stand on his own. "I could take…take you on any day!" Balthazar's pride equaled out, in his mind, the use of his angelic powers to 'teach this bastard a lesson'.
It was only after he stood over the human that he realized his mistake. Avi was holding his jaw in his hand while the other grasped his stomach. He quickly turned his head to throw up on the ground and tried to gasp for air. It wasn't the typical human drunk color Balthazar had grown used to seeing, but rather, a dark and rich red with a few specks of deep forest green.
The angel knelt down beside the human and pulled the hand away from his stomach. He frowned at the sight of the human's rib as it protruded further than normal. Avi flinched as Balthazar rested his hand on the area, only he discovered he was too tired to fight the victor off. He sighed and allowed Balthazar to brace him against the wall.
"Let me see..." With little warning, a short burst of warmth seeped through his body and he yelped even though it was over in less than a minute. Balthazar smiled softly and rested his hand on the human's shoulder. "There." He gently patted Avi in a slight form of an apology. "You should feel fine now."
Avi shivered as he opened his eyes, his gaze stopped just below Balthazar's chin. He tensed and quickly scrambled to stand up. He made sure his eyes never left the being in front of him.
"Wha.." Avi gulped as he felt his eyes begin to burn, "What…"
Balthazar frowned, "You… you can see my wings?"
Avi nodded and pushed Balthazar's hand off of him. He glanced one more time at him before Avi pushed himself away from the wall and ran as fast as he could.
Balthazar shook his head as he heard the human gasp for breath a few blocks down.
"I'll never understand you howler monkeys..."
Balthazar's eyes watered as he spotted the unmoving form on the floor. He stopped at the soft crunching sound below his polished boots and brushed the glass fragments out of the way so he could kneel down beside the human.
He gently placed his hand near Avi's mouth and waited for the slight warmth of the human's breath to cover his palm. When nothing happened, his heart sank and his powers spread through his body into Avi's. He closed his eyes and rested both of his palms on Avi's chest and waited.
And waited.
"Avi…" he choked out once he realized the quantity of drugs he was removing from the human's system. Balthazar shook his head and tried to keep how he felt down long enough for the heroin to dissipate out of his vessel. It wouldn't take long, in fact, he estimated a few more seconds.
He continued the healing process, too tired and ashamed of his suppressed emotions... human emotions to do much of anything else. The plethora of excuses he had been using to stay away had long since dried up and he could no longer blame the soul that, at one point, had been housed the vessel because he knew the man had departed as soon as he inhabited it.
More or less…
The man went peacefully and was rather surprised when, to quote his once loyal brother, "A multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent" had asked his permission to use his meat suit.
He scoffed and tried to ignore the psychological pain in his back that came about every time he thought of Castiel. One tear managed to make its way down his face for Cass. More fell for Avi, the human he had known for just shy of four years. Balthazar thought back on how long Avi had spent silently withholding his feelings and the angel caught himself shivering in pain.
After nearly five minutes, a small puff of warmth heated the back of his palm and Balthazar almost allowed his relief to manifest. He gently slipped his arms underneath Avi's body and lifted him off the floor.
Avi shivered and pressed his forehead into Balthazar's shoulder as he came down from his high. His eyes slowly opened and the angel above him smirked cockily.
"Darling," Balthazar chuckled, "It's only a matter of time before you give in."
Avi shook his head and tried not to let his nervousness show. It had been a little over a year now since he'd let Balthazar into his life and he knew, deep down, there wasn't a snowball's chance in Hell that the angel felt the same way.
So Avi shook his head defiantly, with the thought of his upcoming defeat fresh in his mind.
"I remember that day." Balthazar frowned as Avi stirred but stayed in his near comatose state. "The day you said you loved me…" He scoffed a little, unable to tell if Avi could even hear him or not, "Dean Winchester is right about one thing, chick flick moments are awful."
Balthazar laughed, half hoping that Avi would wake up and give him a soft smile or one of his quirky smirks but there was nothing. No signs that the human would even wake up.
"You know," the snarky angel chuckled, "This is eerily familiar to Sleeping Beauty." He nearly snorted on his own laughter before tears slowly streamed down his face.
"Bloody Hell…."
Balthazar smirked down at Avi and the human moaned as the angel healed his chaffed wrists. His arms were a bit sore from being handcuffed to the bed and he could barely swallow the saliva gathering in his mouth enough to safely swallow.
"Tell…" Balthazar roughly sank his teeth into the human's right shoulder, "Me…"
Avi groaned and shook his head no.
No.
"Damn it Balthazar…" Avi sighed in his head, "Quit being so fucking sexy already, please." The thought made the human chuckle aloud and Balthazar paused mid bite.
"What was that about?" He asked against the skin of Avi's torso. "Hmm?" He hummed near his partner's belly button.
"I was thinking about how hard you're working to get his out of me…" The blue eyed human couldn't resist the pun. "I mean, you've never tried this with me before." He sighed as the angel placed his hands just above his hip bones.
"I think it will draw what I want to know out of you."
And it did. The moment leading up to his impending release Avi felt his heart sink. He'd said it aloud.
"I love you."
He quickly averted his gaze as Balthazar lifted his head and pushed away.
"What did you just say?" there was no visible anger on the angel's face but over toned in his voice.
Avi shook his head and scrambled to cover himself. It stung. No matter how much he had tried to prepare himself, he wasn't ready for this. The only… being…in his life only needed him for a good lay. Nothing else. Balthazar left with the sound of wings without healing him. He couldn't move for days.
"I left you there." The blonde whispered as he gently ran his hand through his human's unkept hair. "Left you alone for months." He ignored the slight break in his voice. "Then I came back…" He shook his head and sat on a small portion of the bed. His wings ached to be released but he kept them withheld. "And I fucked up the life you'd rebuilt. I used you." His hand stopped above Avi's heart. It was slow and shaky. He choked. "All you wanted was for someone to care." He bit his vessel's lip until it bled. "To tell you that you mattered and... and that you'd be missed if..."
He had to stop. The gradual fade of color from Avi' eyes each time they were together flashed before him. The younger said nothing and let him have his body. Balthazar shook his head. Avi had let him touch, hug and kiss him without love for so long. He had utterly abused Avi like every other being in the human's short existence had.
It had been a few hours, which he found hard to believe, since he had found Avi on the bathroom floor. He pooled his grace into the hand over Avi's heart and allowed it to flow. It was something similar to an adrenaline shot coursing through the human's veins. He bolted upright and gasped roughly for breath mere inches from Balthazar's chest.
He waited until Avi had gotten his breathing under control to speak. "Avi I-"
'What did you do?" Balthazar watched as the human traced his arm with his palm to find his needle hole. "What the fuck did you do to me?!"