The party was in full swing. Crew members of every rank and position were dancing and laughing. Some were even singing, due to the fact that real alcohol had been mixed into the punch. The entire party, and most importantly the punch, was all thanks to one man. The large ballroom was embellished with gold. It framed the white walls, it covered the chairs and it was the color of the china that laid on pristinely set tables. Waiters carried around trays full of synthehol champagne and hors-d'oeuvres. Every detail was distinct and beautiful and screamed Tom Paris.
As he was making his rounds, thanking everyone for their compliments on the party, he spotted the most beautiful woman he has ever laid his eyes upon; his wife. Dressed in navy blue, her hair curled, and makeup simple, he could never remember a time when he had seen her so gorgeous. He smiled brightly and walked her way.
"Hey Helmboy, nice party," she teased.
He chuckled and leaned in for a kiss, which she accepted.
"Well, you know this place is pretty spectacular, but not nearly as spectacular as you," he smiled.
She rolled her eyes and let out a sarcastic sigh.
"Wow only a few days as a father and already with the overly cheesy lines," she walked past him and went towards a waiter carrying around champagne.
Tom was still laughing quietly and shaking his head as Harry approached him.
"Nice party Tom," Harry said, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Thank you. Everyone seems to be having fun, and that's all I wanted for tonight," he turned to B'Elanna as she walked towards the two men with an extra glass in hand for her husband. He took the glass and thanked her with a kiss on the cheek.
"Well, almost everyone seems to be having fun," Harry said.
"What do you mean?" Tom looked confused and began to look around the room. There wasn't a single face without a smile.
"No one has seen the captain all night," Harry leaned forward and quieted his voice as he spoke.
Tom and B'Elanna looked at one another with concern.
"I'll go look for her," Tom handed the champagne glass back to his wife. He had one last mission.
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Kathryn had spent two hours getting ready. She wanted to look absolutely perfect for tonight. A silk emerald green dress was selected. It complemented her complexion and brought out the red hue of her hair. Her makeup was heavier than usual but perfect as always. Her shoulder-length hair was styled half up with a beautifully embroidered pin. A few strands framed her face.
All that time had been wasted, as no one had even seen her. She sat alone on the terrace outside of a ballroom. The concrete bench she sat upon was beautifully crafted, but rather cold and uncomfortable. On the other side of the glass doors, she could hear all of the joy and excitement going on, but wanted no part in it. She had performed her duty, fulfilled her promise, accomplished the unimaginable, and yet she had never felt such an emptiness.
She knew why. Hell, most of the people on this ship probably knew why; except for one of course. He had no idea, at least she didn't think that he did. She mused that the prospect of him knowing and not caring would be far worse than blind ignorance. She took another swig of the synthehol, which didn't seem to be having its desired effect. It didn't matter how much she drank, she was convinced she couldn't feel it. Whole gallons of the stuff wouldn't be able to erase the picture of her true love living their happy ending with somebody else.
It was supposed to be her on his arm. In every dream, in every thought, it would be the two of them finally coming together. This was what had kept her going all those years. This had been her impetus. Now it was her undoing.
She was startled suddenly when the door opened and held her breath to see who was coming out. 'Here we go.' was one thought that raced through her mind as she laid eyes upon the one man she didn't feel like seeing.
"Kathryn, there you are. Everyone's been looking all over for you," he smiled, but his smile quickly faded when she didn't reciprocate.
"Sorry. I'm just not in a very celebratory mood," she finished off what was left in her glass and set it down on the ground.
"Well, it might be good for the crew to see you for a little while. I know there's a long list of people who will want the opportunity to talk to you, and some may even want a dance with their captain," he moved in front of her, no longer allowing her to avoid his presence. He smiled fully, showing off his dimples that she always found irresistible.
"I know. Maybe in a little while," a ghost of a smile appeared on her lips, but the sadness in her eyes was unmistakable.
"Ok, well just don't stay out here all night. This is all because of you," he said pointing towards the ballroom. He began to walk back in when he heard her voice.
"I thought Tom created the program," she spoke sarcastically and forced a smile to try and fool him into thinking she was ok. She thought that if she could convince him that she was fine, he'd go back to the party. She underestimated her ability to be read; especially by him.
"A program that wouldn't be running right now if you hadn't gotten us home," he said. She witnessed his hesitation before he closed the door again and walked back over to where she was seated.
"You know, when I said that some of the crew were waiting to dance with their captain, I should've been specific in including myself. I would be honored to be your first dance of the night," he smiled and held out his right hand.
The temptation to be close to him, be held in his arms was too great. Without a word she accepted his invitation and got up. He reached out to crack the door open ever so slightly in order to hear the music better. The fast-paced dance music had thankfully been replaced with a beautiful melodic slow song.
He faced her again and placed his hands around her hips. She placed hers around his neck and they began to gently sway along with the beat. She leaned in closer, resting her head against his shoulder. Everything else melted away at that moment. Nothing existed except for him and her and the beautiful tune that kept them in each other's arms. His hands found it difficult not to travel the contours of her body, and feel the soft silk of her dress against his fingertips. Her breath hitched and she lifted her head to look deeply into his eyes.
It had been nearly two minutes before either of them had realized that the song had stopped. They had been too lost within the others glance to notice anything else. Even noticing the change in music, hadn't deterred them from keeping the pace of the previous song. He reached up and brushed a strand of hair away from her face.
Slowly he bent forward and grazed her lips with his own. When she didn't flinch or pull away, he went forward further to deepen the kiss. She was lost in the feeling of his lips on hers, lost in his soft lips and the way they tasted on her own. She pulled back when she realized that she tasted nothing. She searched his eyes, full of lust and passion, and once again found herself in his embrace. This time the kiss didn't hold anything back.
Whole minutes could have passed without her breathing and she wouldn't have cared or bothered to even notice. The ship could have dropped out of warp, or even have been attacked by aliens and it wouldn't have stopped her.
He was the first one to pull away. He smiled brightly and cupped her face with his hands. She then snuggled her head into the crook of his neck as he kissed the top of her head.
"I love you, Kathryn. I know that things have been complicated, but I need you to know that my love for you has never changed," he continued to kiss her head and run his fingers through her hair. His expression changed from one of happiness and relief to one of worry when he realized that she was trembling.
"Kathryn?" he gently pulled her away from him so that he could look at her, but was heartbroken to see her tear-stained face avoiding his eye contact.
Finally, she looked up. The pain was written on every feature of her face.
"I love you too," she whispered.
"I love you too," her words were heavy with regret.
"Then why are you crying? Why aren't you happy?"
"Because..." she found herself unable to speak as the tears cascaded down her cheeks.
"Kathryn, you're worrying me. Tell me what's wrong," he wiped her tears away and searched deep in her eyes for the words she couldn't say.
"Because I wish this were real," she whispered.
His confusion grew, but before he had the chance to ask her what she meant, she choked out three simple words.
"Computer end program," the sobs shook her body as he shimmered out of existence, leaving her alone once more, in an empty grey room.
Tom Paris wandered down the corridor towards what the computer named as the captain's current location. Upon entering holodeck two, he saw her standing in the middle of the room with her back facing him. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she was crying, but not wanting to embarrass her, he cleared his throat. He pretended not to notice as she frantically wiped away her tears.
"Captain, I'm so glad I found you. Everyone's been asking where you've been," he said with a smile.
"I was just headed there now. I had to take care of some unfinished business first. Sorry for the delay," she tried her hardest to be cheerful, but the devastation never vacated her deep blue eyes. The captains mask had been put in place, but the depth of what she felt could no longer be contained like how it used to be.
She had heard him say the words. The words that she had waited to hear for seven years, but it wasn't really him. It was a collection of photons; an illusion. She would never get the real thing, never feel his true touch, or kiss his actual lips. A hologram of him was an empty promise of what she could never have. It only confirmed what she already knew, that she loved him, but would never be with him.
"Ready captain?" Tom asked as he held out his arm for her to take.
"Of course mister Paris," she took his arm and walked out the door with him.
"A lot of people have been asking for you. I know for sure that a few of the guys are dying to dance with you, even more so when they see how beautiful you look tonight," he looked down at her and smiled.
"I highly doubt that," she said, shaking her head.
"No really! I'm one of them. In fact, I was kinda hoping that I could dance with you first?" He shot her a cheeky grin.
"I'd be honored," she looked up into his eyes and smiled. It was her first genuine smile in a long time.
The doors opened and a loud cheer greeted the pair as the crew celebrated the arrival of their beloved captain.
Scanning the room she found him in the corner. This time he was no illusion, no trick. He was flesh and blood and he was real.
He was talking to Seven but stopped immediately upon seeing her. His smile reached his eyes, eyes which contained a light that had not been seen before. It was a light that spoke of hope. Hope that may or may not ever be fulfilled, but a hope that regardless of fulfillment would never dim or die. The sound of tapping on glass pulled them both out of their trance. Tom Paris raised his glass and handed one to his captain. Soon the rest of the room followed.
"To Captain Janeway," he toasted.
"To Captain Janeway," they echoed.
The tears that filled her eyes then, were not of sadness or regret. How could she regret getting these people home? Getting her family to safety?
"Thank you all very much, but without a wonderful and supportive crew, a captain is useless. Tonight is a celebration of each and every one of you, for it is because of every person in this room that we are here," she projected her voice out to the crowd. Everyone clapped and the music started up again.
Chakotay looked at her from across the room and began to make his way towards her. She knew that he would ask her to dance, and she tensed up at the thought. Tom noticed the shift in her stance and stepped towards her.
He held out his hand.
"I wasn't kidding when I asked about having that first dance," he smirked.
"And I wasn't kidding about accepting," she laughed and took his hand.
They went out to the dance floor. Together they swayed to the gentle melody. Chakotay stopped when he saw her dancing with Tom, but he was soon approached by Seven. He smiled politely and held her close, but his eyes never moved from Kathryn. His smile had faded.
She noticed his glance from the other side of the dance floor and matched it. Tears pricked her eyes and soon his began to water too. Dancing with other people, but only imagining each other. They knew. They always knew.