Welcome! Thanks for checking out my story! I'm really excited to work on this and I hope you enjoy.

After watching the teaser for DA:4, I'm itching to get my own story out of my head cannon.

So, really quickly, some notes to consider:

1) I've only very recently played the Dragon Age games and started with Inquisition. When I named my Lavellan character, I got attached to the name "Sara", completely unaware that there was another blond elf named "Sera" that would be intimately involved in the story.

My Lavellan's name will still be "Sara", unless enough of you feel that it's distracting.

If you don't, I promise there'll be plenty of name puns.

2) This story follows events post-Trespasser and will be written in three, multi-chapter parts.

3) The rating is certainly for upcoming chapters and spans sexual themes, profanity and violence.

4) Expect a new chapter every 2 weeks. When the parts change, expect a month break.

Happy reading!

~Garnet

~ Dinanshiral~

Part 1: Skyhold

The wheels of the carriage whined and groaned, making the journey more uncomfortable than Sara would have liked. At each tired groan and rumble, she thought back to her girlhood. Her father drove one of the smaller aravels and everything about them made the impending journey seem exciting, as if they would always venture into some new and prosperous world. The wheels would squeak and chirp like a gaggle of chicks and all the able children in her clan would run beside the aravels and ahead, to see where the road would take them.

The carriage was different. As much as she would like to stand and walk to stretch her legs and take in the smell of rain in the air, but it was her that insisted on discretion. When she left Skyhold for the last time, she told her drivers to only stop at night and move quickly during the day. The carriage would be unadorned and small. Anything she could afford to leave behind or sell was gone. All she took with her fit into one trunk.

Varric made a fine travelling companion. He wrote often, though boiled with anger when the carriage hit bumps that ruined his work. At night, there was always a story told to the locals at the taverns they slept at and an occasional game of Wicked Grace played into the morning. He helped Sara through occasional boughts of seasickness as they sailed across the Waking Sea and was eager to point out different landmarks he'd visited.

He was most excited to show her Kirkwall. "Things are much better there. I've secured you a manse in Hightown, but you're more than welcome to visit me whenever you're bored. And don't neglect Lowtown. There are gems there if you look. Oh, and if I catch you at The Blooming Rose, I'll be forced to tattle on you to Cassandra," he finished with a wink and Sara laughed, despite her forlorn mood.

It was difficult, watching everyone leave Skyhold one by one. From the pilgrims that only joined them on faith, with no aspiration but to serve and do the will of the Herald of Andraste, to the soldiers that had fought and lost many of their comrades and were prepared to continue fighting if she asked them to. The grounds went from bustling with activity to desolate and barren. Master Dennet received a formal escort back to his home in the Hinterlands, but left Sara with the chestnut stallion he gifted her when they met and a palomino filly to take to her estate in Kirkwall.

Many of the conscripted Templars elected to return to lives they'd long sacrificed for the Chantry. With Leliana as Divine, there was no need for them to return to Val Royeaux so without the Inquisition, they were wayward and disillusioned.

As the population of Skyhold dwindled, each day was more difficult to bear without tears. Josephine was the first to leave.

"I must sail before the autumn storms, or else I'll be here alone all winter," Josephine said with a half smile as she cleared away her office. Sara had been given that same smile by several different people. Behind it was an attempt at strength, as if to say, "All will be well" but with little conviction. Sara rubbed her left elbow, just above where her arm once was and forced out a chuckle. "If you were stuck here, I'd stay behind with you," she replied.

"Thank you, In–" Josephine's small smile fell and she cleared her throat in embarrassment. "You are too kind."

Afterward, she asked for privacy as she packed and Sara indulged her. The final time they spoke was in farewells and a half-hearted promise to visit Antiva once she was settled in Kirkwall.

Vivienne had stayed behind in Halamshiral during the Exalted Council and simply sent her servants to collect her belongings. Once her loft was empty, one of her servants left behind a small note.

My dear, do see that Kirkwall has the proper amenities for a woman of your new station. You deserve every comfort. Make sure that you have the finest chef, seamstress and housekeeper in your service and do not fraternize with any suitor beneath you. If you ever need a reminder of exactly what you deserve, do write me immediately. While I find the Free Marches quaint and drab, I will come to you at once if I hear that you're still wearing wool stockings. Safe travels, my dear. Vivienne.

After tucking that letter in her belt, Sara wandered the grounds. The tavern, once consistently alive with energy, was already dusty with disuse. Outside, Bull helped his Chargers load casks of ale and wine onto a cart. There were more casks left off the cart that Bull and Krem argued about keeping or leaving behind.

"Why are you taking all of that? Isn't there wine in Tevinter?" Sara asked with a laugh.

"Have you ever had wine from Tevinter, Boss?" Bull shook his head with a chuckle. "It has the absolute gall to be dry but weak or sweet but laced with hot peppers or some old Magister's blood. The drinks there are almost pranks."

"What taverns did you go to in Tevinter, Chief?" Krem asked, his eyebrow cocked in disbelief.

"Well, the one with the sweet pepper wine was in a brothel outside of Minrathous," Bull replied. "In any case, I'm not going straight to Tevinter, Boss."

"Really?" Sara went to fold her arms, a habit when she was comfortable, but brushed the stump under her elbow and flushed awkwardly.

Bull pretended not to notice and said, "Yeah. The Chargers got hired to take down a pair of dragons in Rivain. Some noble prick wants to marry his chamber maid but he needs to pay the girl's father with scales before he can marry her. He's paying us more than the scales are worth, but I figured it would be a fun distraction."

"Distraction?"

"Dorian's holed up working on Magister things, so I figured I'd kill some time," Bull explained.

"Well, be careful," Sara said, her smile sly. "Dorian will spend all his time with you fretting if you come to him with new burns and scars."

"Trust me, Boss, I'll find better things for him to do with his mouth if he gets too chatty."

They shared a laugh and it nearly echoed off the ramparts it was so empty. The silence that followed was long and comforting, each of them unsure of what to say and neither of them wanting to utter the words, "Good bye".

Instead, Bull pat her on the back and murmured, "Take care, Boss."

Unbidden, the first thing that came to Sara's mind was as childish as it was troubled, "I'm not technically your boss anymore." It was an absurdly juvenile thing to say, but it was the only way she could convey how deeply she'd miss him.

"We give ourselves nicknames under the Qun, remember," he replied. "You'll always be 'Boss' to me."

That was enough for them, as when the Chargers left, all Bull did was lift his hand in a solemn wave.

Cassandra and Blackwall watched them depart with her. Cassandra muttered something about sending a last letter to Leliana and excused herself.

"So," Sara began, "When are you leaving for Weisshaupt?"

"In three days," Blackwall replied. "The next time you see me, I'll be Warden Rainier."

"I'm proud of you, Thom," she said. He almost smiled. Almost.

"Thank you, my lady. I'm proud to have been apart of this. If I wasn't, I don't know where I'd be." Blackwall looked at his feet. "You have this strange thing you do, where you bring out the best in people, almost against their nature. I thank you for doing that for me when I couldn't do it for myself."

He gave her a reverent bow and murmured, "If anyone can stop Solas, it's you."

Solas...

No one had mentioned him since returning to Skyhold, as if he never existed. That was fine for Sara as she didn't wish to confront what happened. At first, she walked into the Exalted Counsel in a rage she didn't know was within her. After formally disbanding, she went back to her room in the palace, took one look at herself in the looking glass beside her bed and wept. She could barely process being without one of her arms or losing the home she made for herself through the Inquisition. The only emotion at the forefront of her mind was near crippling heartache. She thought that she'd dealt with the betrayal she'd felt when he first left Skyhold after they defeated Corypheus. Now she had just as few answers as she did then and more pain.

Stop, she thought. Think of something else. Anything else.

"So, Bull's gone now, yeah?"

Sera sat on the roof of the tavern, her feet swinging in agitation. "Yes," Sara replied. "He and the Chargers are gone."

"Well, that's... cruddy, innit? Come sit with me, yeah? For old time's sake." Sara climbed the stairs in the empty tavern, opened the window in Sera's room and sat beside her on the roof. "Do you have any cookies?" Sara asked, teasing.

"What? No. Josie left behind a tin of those little pink cookies from Lady Rich-tits, but they're no good. I mean what kind of cookie also looks like a shiny sandwich and tastes like Vivi's perfume? What cheap idiot thought that was a good idea?" Sera's eyebrows furrowed together in frustration. "You're a lady now, you know. Those little cookies are going to be given to you every day."

"You think so?" Sara replied.

"Well, it only makes sense, right? Pink flower cookies every night and one day you wake up and you're not people." Sera sighed, her features softening slowly. "Please don't forget to be people."

"I won't."

Sera took a breath and smiled, wrapping her arms around Sara. "It's good, though, innit? There are noble shits in Kirkwall so I'll be around, right? Not 'good bye', just 'til next time'."

A few days later, Sera was gone, too. The only thing left behind was an arrow with red feathers left on the door to Sara's chambers.

Cassandra and Cullen departed on the same morning in opposite directions. Cullen was returning to his family for a visit while Cassandra intended on joining Leliana as an adviser. Cullen bid farewell with a formal bow and a promise to rejoin Sara if she ever needed him. Cassandra parted with her solemnly, her embrace unexpected and strong.

"Please write Leliana and I once you arrive in Kirkwall. Once there, we'll have a secure location to discuss our efforts in tracking down Solas." Cassandra was as determined as ever, though they constantly disagreed about whether Solas could be redeemed.

"I will," Sara replied. "Once I'm settled, maybe you can visit."

"I intend to," Cassandra said firmly. She studied Sara's face for a moment, likely looking for doubt or distress, but if she saw it, she didn't mention it. "I hope you know what you're doing. Travelling all the way to Kirkwall with only Varric for company will likely be the most difficult thing you do all year."

Sara laughed despite herself. "I'm sure I'll be fine, Cassandra."

"Good." Cassandra chuckled as well and embraced her once more. "Farewell, my friend."

With that, Skyhold was nearly empty. Sara would spend the night with spirits while she waited for Varric to arrive with the carriage to Kirkwall. For hours, she wandered the halls, trying to commit every detail to memory. Especially the rotunda. The mural was what she'd probably miss the most. She'd spent days watching the room become blank and colorless to an homage to her achievements. Solas would swirl paint on a palate together, trying to find perfect colors that satisfied him. She wondered what it would have looked like if he finished. The room reminded her of them; all bright and full of life and beauty and mystery and then suddenly incomplete.

Sara felt a chill go up her spine as familiar whispering flowed through her ears. The Well, Sara realized. It hadn't spoken to her since she'd seen Solas and she wondered if he took that away when he took the anchor as well, but the voices still spoke to her.

Ma nadas, the Well whispered... Ma nadas theneras... Theneras, da'len...

Sara couldn't even think of sleeping. Not alone in this great keep. No. She would sleep later, in the carriage. Far away from Skyhold.

In the meanwhile she climbed the stairs to the library and gathered the books left behind with the intention of sending them to Dorian when she reached Kirkwall. They'd parted back in Halamshiral with difficulty. They hugged more times than necessary and each burst into tears at least once. Since being back at Skyhold, he wrote her twice. They were short missives filled with funny nonsense but they made her smile.

I expect that you're already missing me. A pity you couldn't join me for a stay in Minrathous. You're confused expression would keep me cheerful at the Magisterium. Alas, I must content myself with flirting with my serving girl. She reminds me of you a bit. The way she blushes whenever I even look in her direction reminds me of how you would get with- Actually, never-mind my rambling, Sara. Don't forget to write me when you get to Kirkwall. I can't wait to hear about how ghastly the decorations are. Give Bull my love. Dorian.

The halls of Skyhold were black when night fell and Sara only had a single torch to navigate back to her chambers until morning. All the way back, the Well insisted on telling her to sleep and to dream and it was all she could do to ignore the voices. They never stopped speaking. Even as she slipped into her tub for a final bath, brushed out her pale blond hair and put on a loose dressing gown, they chanted on about sleep and dreams.

"Please, stop," Sara murmured to them. "Just stop talking."

"But I haven't said anything yet."

Sara yelped in surprise and spun to see Cole standing on her balcony a few steps away. She covered her heart with her hand and took a breath. "Cole? Come inside. What are you doing here?"

"I came to help," he replied gently. "Everyone's goodbyes are hurting you. You feel alone, rejected, sad. The clan you were born into is gone. The clan you built for yourself is gone."

"Please, Cole. I can't–"

"Everything was too good to be true. You had family, friends, love. And lost everything–"

"Cole," Sara snapped but quickly softened her voice. "Please. I don't want to talk right now. I'll be fine. Just stop talking."

"Sara," Cole said, his voice firm but quiet, "You must dream."

The words made her break out in chills. How could he possibly know about the Well and what it was saying. She glanced toward him and he was gone, as quickly as he was there. He was a spirit of compassion and always meant well, but he couldn't know what he was asking. She didn't realize that she stopped dreaming since returning from Halamshiral. The dreams there were too agonizing. Her eyes would close and she'd wander and find Solas, just far enough out of her reach, but close enough to feel his presence envelop her completely. Perhaps she must dream to somehow conquer that feeling. Perhaps he had stopped coming to watch her dream.

Sara sighed and tossed her torch into the hearth before going to her bed and getting comfortable. She closed her eyes and almost immediately, felt pulled into the Fade.

The bed melted away and she was falling... more like floating... hovering as the stone ceiling of Skyhold transformed into cloudy skies pierced by silver moonbeams. When she finally landed, dew covered blades of glass tickled her skin and made her shiver at the cold. The pasture was filled with will'o'wisps that reminded Sara of blue fireflies and as she sat up, she realized that the dew nearly made her skin sparkle. This wasn't the Fade she remembered from her time there and it was slightly unnerving.

"Cole? Cole, did you bring me here?"

But she was seemingly alone. The air was so still and cool if Sara was braver she'd enjoy resting there, but part of her wanted to be back in Skyhold, where she knew there was nothing to fear.

"Wake up, Sara," she whispered and pinched her arm. "Wake up." She pinched again and the realization that she was pinching low on her left wrist hit her. Sara raised her hand above her head and looked at her former arm blankly. The Fade is so cruel, she thought with a bitter laugh.

Off in the distance, a white wolf with a pair of bright blue eyes stared at her from behind a tree. Warmth surrounded her and the wisps began to leave the field. Sara met eyes with the wolf and laughed again, her heart twisting. "Why don't you come closer, Solas?" she asked sarcastically, lying back on the grass. He shifted behind the tree and disappeared as if he was never there.

"Typical," she muttered but unlike other time's he'd left, the warmth he brought with him lingered and slowly intensified. Faintly, she could hear the grass softly crinkling under footfalls. Sara closed her eyes and whispered, "Wake up, Sara."

The dew was still cool across her back as she felt him sit beside her silently, his breathing slightly labored but quiet. After a moment, he took her hand and gently ran his thumb across her knuckles, the gesture so comfortable and familiar she nearly squeezed his hand, as she would've before. Instead she kept her eyes closed and body stiff, while she simply waited to wake.

"How did you find this place?" he asked. His voice was soft, almost like he was speaking to a scared child and didn't wish to frighten her further.

Against her better judgement, Sara glanced at him and replied, "I think Cole brought me here." Cole, perhaps, or the Well wanted her to dream in this place for some reason. Maybe they both wanted the same thing; she couldn't be sure. "You've been here before?" she asked.

"This is where I would come to meet with a spirit of wisdom," Solas explained. "Seeing you here was... unexpected."

"Is this what I should expect from you then?" Sara asked, her tone somewhere between anger and despair. "A conversation once every few months in the Fade."

"I cannot promise you that, vhenan," he murmured.

"You could," she countered. "If you wanted to."

"It isn't that simple." Sara glared at him, intending to argue, but was instead taken aback by how serene he looked in the field. Unburdened by what he would have to do when he woke, his eyes seemed to shine in the moonlight. The last time she saw him, his eyes were so dull, unyielding, but here she almost saw more of who she came to love.

"I've lingered too long," he said suddenly and made to stand before Sara caught his arm.

"Wait."

This is a mistake, she thought but said, "Just stay until I wake up."

The look her gave her was doubtful and hesitant. This wouldn't be easy for either of them, letting the other go, but Sara felt that it shouldn't be. If it were easy, it meant her feelings for him were more fleeting than she thought. As difficult as this was, it meant that what they shared was not only real and true, but mutual. And somewhere deep in her heart, that was strangely comforting.

"Please." Her breath caught in her throat as he looked into her eyes, seemingly unable to tear his gaze away. Solas smiled softly, defeated and lacking the will to refuse her in this moment.

So he laid beside her, pulled her close and brought his arm around her shoulder. His hand rubbed her back in gentle strokes and Sara rested her head on his chest. She tried not to think of what could've been, if only he could let go and yet part of her loved that in him. His passion and drive completely endeared him to her at first and made her want to be the focus of his ardor. And she was, for a blissfully brief period of time she wished never ended. In moments like this, she clung to what was. She would be back in reality in the morning.

"Tel'numin, vhenan," he whispered and Sara realized tears were dampening his shirt. Solas wiped his thumb across her cheek and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, then to her temples, across to the bridge of her nose, down to her cheek. When he reached her lips he faltered, waiting for the strength to pull away from her. He never found it.

Sara's stomach twisted at the memory and she was glad that Varric was sleeping so he couldn't see her blush. It was days ago, yet it felt like his touch still lingered on her skin. She would close her eyes and she was back in the field, completely explored and open and tingling with bliss. The wind would blow, carrying the memory of his low warm moans, the way he hummed out her name, a sudden gasp, a sharp breath-

Varric startled her out of her musing with a rough snort. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and took a glance through the window of the carriage. "Ah. Look, Sara."

High towers, the highest she'd ever seen, greeted her a few miles away. The town loomed over her with a strange feeling of foreboding. The smell of the sea hit her abruptly and all at once, she was full of excitement and disquiet. Her new life would begin in the walls of this city and part of her wished for a reprieve, time to forget.

Varric smiled proudly and tucked his arms behind his head. "Welcome to Kirkwall."

Elven phrases

Ma nadas theneras: You must dream

Da'len: Little one

Vhenan: My heart

Tel'numin: Don't cry

(Thanks to Project Elvhen by FenxShiral for the vocabulary)

Thanks for the read. Please Review!