"Sad News and Inappropriate Lust: Loss to Come?" by SeelieSpright
Word Count: 4,206
Pairing: R!Syaoran and Kurogane (suggested KuroFay)
Content: Contains mature and graphic smut after plot, and lots and lots of angst.
Warning: Contains spoilers for the latest chapters 175-178
Caveat: The characters are not my own, and belong solely to CLAMP, blah blah…
Time: Immediately following Chaptire 177 (and my previous story "An Unexpected Outcome of the Dreaming Encounter", but this is a stand-alone work itself)
Syaoran slept for some time, not awakening again until the next evening when Kurogane came into his room to leave a cup of tea. He sat up, blinking, and rubbing his eyes as Kurogane shuffled backward, his eyes low, mumbling something like, "Fay sent me. Worried. Help. Tea." Syaoran came fully awake but felt as if his head was filled with cotton stuffing and he had difficulty focussing in order to understand what Kurogane was saying. The ninja had fallen silent now and he impatiently shifted his weight but did not seem to want to leave, and Syaoran struggled to comprehend what Kurogane had just asked him. He was supposed to go somewhere? Syaoran struggled to his feet, but the sudden movement made him extremely light-headed and he tripped when he tried to step forward. Syaoran put his hands out to absorb his fall, but he felt his head collide with a warm body as his arms slipped between those of the ninja who now held him up without any effort.
"I said that you'd fallen asleep in one of the servant's bedrooms and that Fay sent me to bring you tea and help you to your room."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Syaoran said, "I must have passed out on my way there."
"It's only a little bother," Kurogane said, "but you're in no state to walk, so I guess I have to tolerate a little more bother," and he lifted Syaoran off of his feet and carried him through the palace into the inner rooms where Syaoran and the other travellers' quarters were located. Still weak and somewhat delirious now that he'd been moving about, and the blood had flowed to his head, Syaoran nestled his head into Kurogane's chest just as he'd done as a child with Fujitakasan when he was too sick to walk, and Fujitakasan had carried him to bed.
"Tousan," Syaoran murmured as he curled against Kurogane's chest and huddled close to the ninja's warmth. Kurogane said nothing, but his grip shifted ever so slightly as he continued through the palace.
When they arrived at Syaoran's room, Syaoran was sleeping again and Kurogane laid him on the futon, which Fay had rolled out and prepared. There were two cups of tea by the bedside, one of which had a note tied on with a few bamboo fibres and featured a picture of a large black dog upon it, and "You'll need it after carrying him all this way."
Kurogane started. Did the magician have the power of foresight? But Kurogane had thought all of his magical ability was gone. Of course, it was, yet Fay was very clever as well, and Kurogane figured that knowing how much blood the boy had lost, Fay had known that Syaoran could not walk and that the ninja would carry him. That lazy and conniving mage – he wasn't being nice and allowing the concerned Kurogane to go care for Syaoran; he had merely been trying to get out of work and avoid the trouble. Kurogane growled, but quickly quieted when Syaoran shifted and moaned in his sleep, his legs moving slowly and spreading open.
"Don't touch there, Syaoran," he said, "No, please," and he moaned again. Kurogane pretended not to have noticed and surveyed the room to determine if the mage had left anything else. He had. There was a small kimono folded and placed a little further off. 'You must get him out of those filthy burned clothes,' the note atop the kimono said, 'and get something over his chest too.'
"What a bother," Kurogane said, but he unfastened Syaoran's trousers and pulled them off. Syaoran had a finely proportioned and reasonably muscled body, Kurogane noticed, although not nearly as developed as Kurogane. But who did? Kurogane noticed too that Syaoran was sporting an erection. It must be some dream, he surmised. The only way Kurogane could get the kimono on was to raise the boy, but he did not want to wake Syaoran. Instead, he laid it backwards over Syaoran's body before pulling a blanket out and covering Syaoran with that too. Syaoran awakened with a gasp and Kurogane's head snapped toward him, as he had seized Kurogane's hand and was holding it, as he looked up wide-eyed.
"It was horrible, the devastation my double is causing, and I can do nothing save watch in my dreams. And I dreamt also, a dream of memory, of a cold world and everyone in it dead. I'm so scared," Syaoran said.
"Will you stay with me until I can fall asleep?"
Kurogane muttered something about 'a bother,' but nodded and continued holding Syaoran's hand as he settled back down and closed his eyes. Syaoran began to shake with cold shortly after, and Kurogane knew that it must be keeping him awake, but Syaoran did not open his eyes. Kurogane huffed and lifted the blanket off of one side of the futon, and slipped in with Syaoran, drawing him close to warm his body. Kurogane's arms surrounded Syaoran and held him tightly.
Kurogane listened to Syaoran's breathing as it slowed and deepened. Syaoran was very still in his sleep despite the apparently vivid and horrific quality of his dream. He found himself tracing Syaoran's hip as the boy lay curled in fetal position. Syaoran shifted in his sleep, nestling against Kurogane and murmured to himself, "Kurotousan." Kurogane started up, stepping free of the bed, and looked at Syaoran's face, but it was calm and impassive and the boy's breathing was still heavy. Recovering himself, Kurogane straightened the blanket over Syaoran and left the room, shutting the rice-paper door firmly behind him.
"He's sleeping then?" Fay asked at his ear.
"Wha – You –" Kurogane stammered.
"Shh, you'll wake him Kuropon. Come this way if you're going to speak so loudly."
Kurogane grumbled and huffed, following Fay.
"That boy must have gone through a lot in the dreaming," Fay said, "I can no longer detect what traces of memory and magic still linger about the boy, but I am sure he went through some trial and suffering."
Kurogane grunted.
"Sakura hasn't awakened to tell us either," Fay said, "My instincts tell me that something isn't right with her, but I cannot any longer determine what it is."
"She is gone," Tomoyo said, appearing in the hallway.
"You don't mean," Fay said, taking a step forward.
"No, she is not dead yet, but I don't know how long she'll remain like this."
"Like what?" Fay said.
"Her body is empty, just a vessel now. Her soul never returned from the dreaming and it now seems that dimension has collapsed – since we have Syaoran back. I don't know what happened, and I was not able to walk in the dream then and see the events there, but if the clone destroyed the Sakura in the dreaming, her soul is lost and we only have a shell that will quickly expire. The feather in her will preserve her body, but Sakura will be gone, and all that could be acquired would be an animated doll, like Faysan's twin."
Kurogane slammed his fist against one of the posts holding the building up and clenched his teeth.
"After all that we did to restore her, she goes off on her own and gets herself killed," he said.
Fay looked down, his hair falling to cover his eyes and his body tense.
"I can consult the Dimension Witch," Tomoyo said, "Yuukosan may be able to tell me more, and if there is any hope for Sakura." Tomoyo touched Fay's hair gently, looked up at Kurogane, and then walked away down the hallway toward where Mokona waited by Sakura's bedside.
"Kurosan," Fay said, "Those carefree days are long passed, eh? I wanted this world to be one for everyone to rest, and we have only more pain."
"You dummy," Kurogane said, hitting Fay's head softly with his fist, and Fay looked up. But Kurogane's expression was serious too, and he pulled Fay to him. Kurogane held him as the mage crumpled in his arms, and he rested his chin upon Fay's soft hair as he stared ahead stoldidly. Kurogane led Fay to their room and unrolled their futon, with some difficulty because Fay still clutched his arm. They had not undressed so Fay untied Kurogane's obi and pulled his kimono open at the chest, and lay his head down there, nestling under Kurogane's chin upon his chest. Kurogane ran his fingers through the hair at the base of Fay's neck and kissed the top of Fay's head before drifting off to sleep.
"I love you," Fay whispered when Kurogane's breathing slowed, and he was sure the ninja was asleep. He reached out and gently interlaced his fingers with Kurogane's and Kurogane involuntarily gripped Fay's hand in his sleep before relaxing again. He seemed content enough, Fay thought, and supposed he would be, being back in his home, having the wife he loved and the princess he originally swore to protect, as well as his two children. Fay supposed he would not become too concerned about Sakura until Tomoyohime indicated with assurance that there was a problem. But Fay knew the truth behind those words Tomoyo had spoken, and that Sakura would not be all right. He could no longer sense that, of course, but he knew nonetheless since Sakura's soul had not returned with Syaoran and the dreaming had collapsed, meaning that Sakura's soul was destroyed. Kurogane did not admit it, but he was one to worry about those whom he loved. But he was much more at ease here and completely trusted his princess, and awaited her judgements of situations he could not understand. Fay wished that he were so simple and direct as Kurogane, but he had experienced too much and had been hurt terribly before, so he was hesitant to trust and was much more difficult to deceive. He was glad to be free of lying constantly, but still had difficulty forming close relationships and when he did, he was constantly concerned about them failing or losing the other person just as he had lost his brother, just as he had lost his king, and just as he almost lost Kurogane. He had been ready to die, but after being rescued by Kurogane, he not only desired to live fully, but also never to lose those about whom he cared. Kurogane would live with him for a very long time, bound to Fay's long life by their sharing of blood. Syaoran would age and die, but that was many years of, but Sakura? She would be gone quicker than a candle-flame. Fay pressed his eyes together and wished for sleep to take him quickly.
Kurogane was dreaming, not a dream he had ever experienced before, and it would disturb him greatly when he awoke, but he was dreaming now and everything seemed natural and pleasurable in dreaming. Syaoran was before him, bent over and naked and Kurogane was inside of him, he realized. He felt Syaoran's enclosing tightness, how amazing it felt around his cock and he increased his pace as Syaoran rocked back into him and moaned,
"Kurotousan," and Kurogane jolted awake with a gasp to find Fay atop him, moving in his sleep and his leg brushing Kurogane's erect member. Kurogane adjusted his tented hakama pants and slipped from under Fay and rose to use the WC. Before closing the door, Kurogane looked down upon the sleeping form of his lover and ran a hand through his hair,
"Tabun," he muttered, turning and leaving the room, "Why that dream?" Kurogane's raging hard-on only decreased slightly after he pissed and he was glad of the baggy hakama pants that mostly hid his erection. Stepping out of the Lou, Kurogane looked left, down the hallway that lead to Syaoran's room. He wanted to go, and didn't want to go, but in order that he not continue to dwell on the matter of his dream, Kurogane had to see the boy while awake. It had only been forty minutes since he had left the boy, and Kurogane figured he would still be sleeping, so a quick look wouldn't result in a conversation with Syaoran and questions he didn't want to answer. Kurogane slid the door to Syaoran's room open gently and quietly and moved into the room silently. He was a ninja after all and could move about without any sound.
"Kuroganesan?" Syaoran said, without opening his eyes. Kurogane was startled, but did not show it and replied with an affirmative grunt.
"Thank you for carrying me and staying until I fell asleep."
Kurogane grunted again. He didn't do thanks.
"I didn't tell Fay what happened to me in the dreaming because I was embarrassed, but I feel that I can tell you, and I think you know already from the look you gave me. You don't think I'm a bad person, do you? It's just, he's so strong and when I tried to hold onto the feather, he –"
"Oi, bozu," Kurogane said, "It's not my business nor concern, but you promised to do your best. If you failed then you must train to become stronger so that at your next meeting, you can take the feather back, and with it, all of the others he has collected."
"But how will I find him?" Syaoran asked.
"That manjuu will take you to him eventually, if it's any use."
"And will you help me?"
"I don't think I will come, but I will train you while you are here at least."
"I'm so frightened that the quest will fail. I set out with determination, but I don't know if that's enough anymore; so much has changed."
Kurogane stepped forward and knelt beside the bed. He cuffed Syaoran on the side of the head and Syaoran turned his face upward, his eyes wet.
"You train. You do your best; and that will be enough. Fei-Wang Reed must not be allowed to win and acquire the power to travel dimensions to establish power in all of them. He is too dangerous and the only way we can defeat him is to acquire that power ourselves and confront him. If Sakura regains all of her feathers, she will have great power even surpassing his; and Fay, with his magical knowledge will provide the aid needed to destroy Fei-Wang Reed or banish him to some wasted and barren dimension. So, you do your job, and we will help in the final battle, and maybe before. My original purpose for setting out was to return home, and I have achieved that; and now I can resume my responsibility as Tomoyohime's protector or decide to travel along. But you should not rely on my strength if I end up coming, and must be prepared to face the clone alone and defeat him."
"But –" Syaoran began, but Kurogane silenced him with a hard kiss that lasted several seconds and took Syaoran's breath away with its force and his surprise. Syaoran's cheeks were flushed and eyes still glistening when Kurogane pulled back. This was Syaoran's first kiss save that of the clone, which had been forced and entirely unwilling – more like rape than passion. Kurogane looked as confused and surprised as Syaoran must have been, and sat on his knees unmoving. Syaoran leaned forward and kissed Kurogane himself, and his arms went around Kurogane to his back.
"Kurotousan," Syaoran breathed and Kurogane's eyes widened a little before he pushed Syaoran back upon the futon. Syaoran had not put on his kimono and Kurogane threw it aside before reaching down and smearing the pre-cum around the head of Syaoran's penis. Syaoran moaned and bit Kurogane's lip in his pleasure. The ninja's mouth curved into a slight smile as he stroked Syaoran a few more times. As Kurogane continued to kiss Syaoran, he pushed Kurogane's kimono top off and plucked at his hakama pants.
"I don't know how to work this," Syaoran said, and Kurogane guided his hands to untie the sides and pull the trousers off. Kurogane was becoming more erect, his sizeable dick extremely wide in girth and long as well. 'I hope that isn't to go in me,' Syaoran thought, 'I don't know how Fay would take it all. I guess he has more experience.' Kurogane ground his now exposed member against Syaoran's, and Syaoran marvelled at ho much Kurogane was larger than he and the clone, and they were well endowed themselves. Syaoran moaned at the sensations pulsing through his body, resulting from the friction between his and Kurogane's dicks. Kurogane covered Syaoran's mouth with his and the two men panted in their heat as they shared breath. Kurogane placed his hand on Syaoran's forehead on the right side and pulled his hair away.
"Do you see from this eye now?" he asked.
"Yes, the vision returned once the seal was broken."
"It must cause you problems now with sensing the auras of things. But it lets you see better for fighting."
Syaoran nodded and Kurogane, in a surprising act of tenderness, kissed Syaoran's eyebrow there before moving to Syaoran's collarbone. Syaoran had to bite down on his fist as Kurogane kissed along his collarbone and then down his neck. Syaoran knew why Fay was so physically affectionate with Kurogane, if he were getting it like this, but as Kurogane continued to grind his member against Syaoran, Syaoran grew nervous that he would try to take the boy like he did Fay. Then Kurogane hit a sensitive spot and all worry and thought were lost to Syaoran. He began writhing under Kurogane's mouth and hands until Kurogane gripped him firmly around the hips and attacked his lower abdomen. Syaoran's hands were pinned to his sides also, and all he could do was clench his fists and curl his toes, as Kurogane continued.
But suddenly, Kurogane drew back from Syaoran, still holding his hips loosely in reflex, and said, "No, I can't. I'm giving into my own desires, and will corrupt the boy." Syaoran could not form words to respond, but was mewling and grinding against Kurogane in his need. "Please," he begged, "Need you. Don't stop." Kurogane looked down on the boy moving beneath him, and he was rock-hard with desire. He tried to draw back and off of Syaoran, but the boy had hooked his legs around Kurogane's back and now ground his ass against Kurogane. Kurogane had morals, and a strong sense of duty, but he was still a man, and quite a virile one at that, and Syaoran was so desperate and already ready… Well, Kurogane's reserve didn't stand a chance and he plunged back into pleasing Syaoran.
Kurogane felt gingerly under Syaoran, and was prepared to loosen him up, but he found the hold already open and stretched somewhat. Kurogane realized then what the clone had done to Syaoran, and judging by Syaoran's size, the clone must have prepared Syaoran well enough for Kurogane's further stretching. He gently pressed the head against Syaoran and Syaoran's gyrating body caused it to pop in. Kurogane hissed in pleasure at the tight enveloping warmth, but restrained himself from thrusting in, knowing that despite his being somewhat stretched, Kurogane could split Syaoran open if he did so. So, Kurogane took his time with Syaoran who was mewling and grinding and forcing himself inch by inch onto Kurogane's cock. It took some minutes before Syaoran had pushed himself as much as he could onto Kurogane and then Kurogane spread his legs wider and thrust in the final three inches. Kurogane could not control the moan he felt rising when he reached full penetration, and Syaoran too seemed to feel the same exhilaration. They kissed and moaned in one another's mouths when Syaoran flexed is muscles, squeezing Kurogane tight.
"I can feel every inch of you," Syaoran said, "and it feels like you're poking all the way through my belly."
Kurogane chuckled, "Well, I'm sure that I'm moving aside some organs on my way in. After all, there's only so much space in there." With that, Kurogane ground his hips against Syaoran, eliciting another moan.
"There, I just touched your spleen."
Syaoran laughed, "Kurotousan," you jest poorly, but I like you well enough anyway.
"Oh?" said Kurogane, a vein-pop appearing on his head.
"Who. jokes. poorly?" he said, punctuating each word with a thrust of his long pole. Syaoran could not answer, as his eyes had rolled up in their sockets, and his mouth was open, taking quick intakes of breath.
"That's what I thought," Kurogane said, beginning to pick up the pace of his thrusts. He liked screwing the kid more than Fay, in some ways, because he was in control and Syaoran was easier to hold down than the slippery mage. Fay had to be stunned in some way to get him to be largely still. But beneath these thoughts and the pleasure coursing through him was the sense of the wrongness of what he was doing. Syaoran was his child, and he was supposed to guide and protect him. So why was he feeling such lust toward him. True, Syaoran was growing up and who better to teach him about adult pleasure than his father. No, no, that wasn't right. That was his lust talking and trying to simplify things. Kurogane was not much for thinking about complex emotions and didn't like to fret over anything. That was what weak people did, those who needed protecting.
Syaoran moaned beneath him, calling him Kurotousan, that name that reminded him of his responsibilities. But it also turned him on, being in the position of authority able to dominate Syaoran. Kurogane hissed again as Syaoran flexed his muscles and clamped him like a vice. He was pushing Syaoran's legs further apart and higher back as he thrust in deeply. He looked down and found that Syaoran had already come, but he was still begging for more. Kurogane wondered fleetingly how the clone had been for Syaoran, and what name did Syaoran cry out, his own? But then Kurogane felt a spasming around his cock that was throwing him over the edge; Syaoran was coming again and this time, Kurogane would too. Kurogane grunted and thrust in fully, only to draw himself nearly out and in again. As Syaoran began to spray, Kurogane began pulling all the way out to bury himself in a single stroke and then he himself began to spray his seed all the way into Syaoran. For his final shot, Kurogane was buried all the way in Syaoran, and Syaoran winced at it, presumably feeling it as he shot upward into Syaoran's intestines. Kurogane left himself inside Syaoran, pulling out a little as he bent to clean up Syaoran's abdomen and chest. Syaoran pulled Kurogane back into him with his legs and pulled Kurogane on top of him.
"Mmm," Syaoran said, "I love your weight on top of me." Kurogane held himself up partially, however, not wanting to crush Syaoran. But Syaoran pulled him closer and said, "All of it," and Kurogane let himself down. He rolled to the side a minute later, pulling Syaoran to him, and the two spooned with Kurogane still inside of Syaoran, although much deflated in size. Kurogane ran his hands lightly over Syaoran's hairless chest and abdomen, and marked the developing muscles there and how Syaoran's pecs were beginning to become defined. Syaoran blushed exceedingly when Kurogane remarked upon them and Kurogane brushed his cheek with a thumb.
Syaoran's body became stiff and he drew away from Kurogane a little.
"Kuroganesan," Syaoran said, "Sakurahime, she won't be alright."
"Tomoyohime is consulting the Witch. They'll work something out."
"No, I know she won't," Syaoran said, "because my clone stabbed her and destroyed her soul in the dreaming. She disappeared, and there is nothing to return to her body."
Kurogane was silent, his body too had become stiff, and he slipped out of Syaoran. He had difficulty believing the news, but the boy had been there, and he knew about magic and spiritual matters in a way Kurogane did not. Syaoran's princess whom he had fought to protect as determinedly as Kurogane did Tomoyo would die? His daughter, about whom he now cared a great deal, and could he do nothing to prevent it? Syaoran snuggled against Kurogane seeking comfort, and Kurogane put his arms around Syaoran and pulled him close.
Fay, standing outside the door, had heard the last bit. He had concluded as much himself, but reserved hope until he heard Syaoran's words. Of course, he would await the result of Tomoyo's consultation with the Dimension Witch, but he knew o the unlikelihood that Sakura's soul had been preserved. The Dimension Witch had preserved it when Fay stabbed Sakura, and brought it to the dreaming. But this was different – Sakura's soul had been destroyed. He clenched his fists, and resisted the impulse to punch the beam before him. He was no longer angry with Kurogane for sleeping with Syaoran. And while perhaps that anger may return later, he was filled now with deeply seated depression. His princess was gone – all because of Fei-Wang Reed's plan and the clone.
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