THE GIRL

As I walk amidst the ever growing crowd that is bussiling the busy streets of kanoha. I feel alone frightened, ignored. I want to go home, but I have no home to go back to, no one sees me, I am invisible, non existent. I smell the faint scent of freshly baked apple cinnamon floating on the cold icy breeze that rolls through the city signalling the changing of the seasons. I feel hungry, like a painful cramp that gets tighter and tighter with every breath.

I arrive at my home. A small cramped cardboard box lined with my possessions and some reminders of my family. I watch with suppressed jealousy at all the families that walk past holding hands, smiling talking about Christmas and Santa, I had all that I remind myself bitterly, and I used to have a nice house, warm bed, and warm cooked meals. Now im lucky if I can scourge a crumb.

I was only young when mum; my little brother Jaimee and I got evicted form our home. I can still hear my mother's desperate sobs crying for one more month to pay.

Living in the city means that there aren't many spare houses and even if there were we wouldn't have been able to afford them.

I curl up in to my box trying to keep warm I notice that it has started to snow lightly a single snowflake lands on my nose and I think back to the fist night. It was the worst, it snowed heavily and it was bitterly cold. We were all hungry, we managed to grab a few scraps for the back of this restaurant I think that's what it was. I remember thinking "this cant be happening to us" a statement that frequently runs through my mind, only this time its me. This is when I woke up and finally realised how harsh and cruel the world can be.

I look back in to the freshly fallen snow and place my index finger in and drawing the outline of my family I can get a few dollars with my drawings but the money goes in to buying more paper and pencils so I can do more pictures and get more money and if I get enough food. My cloths are dirty and torn. I laugh at those who are still living in the happy delusion that the 20th centaury is a good and happy place to live in. they have no idea what happens behind the scenes.

I let out a laugh at their ignorance.

I see a small child fall over and then how her dad bends over and tenderly picks her up and sooths her. I blink back tears as I think back to my dad, how he never did that for me or Jaimee and how he left us. I saw him the other day; with his new family he is happy he has forgotten the family he once had and how he deserted us for the Spanish cleaner, he is still the same blond short hair, broad shoulders the figure of a well fit man, he hasn't changed but we have. He left us saying he was looking for a job, I thought it was odd that she left with him but mum always saw the best in him. We waited all day for his return but he never did.

Mum was devastated; I hug my legs tighter trying to forget but the image of mum lying helpless and decrepit, it has burned a hole into my subconsciousness. I can never forget.

As the nights grew colder mother developed a cough I held Jaimee tight singing him his favourite song to sooth him and also so he wouldn't hear her struggle for breath. I tried to get people to help her but instead they treated us like a disease and gave us a wide birth.

The dim light of the oncoming Christmas season had made mother pale and her once golden locks that would have made any superstar jealous had now been paled and messed, her thin body was rugged and had lost most of its glory as it was now skin and bone. I couldn't do anything but watch helplessly as her body withered away.

Mothers cough got so bad that she started coughing up blood my eyes went wide as I saw he heave and spit out a mouthful of blood after one of her coughing fits. I remember feeling so scared I didn't want her to die. So I bolted leaving her. Tears brimming my eyes I ran as fast as I could to the closest hospital I called and called till the doctor finally came out. I dragged him back to where mum was laying.

I held Jaimee close stroking his blond hair, as the doctor examined her, I kept thinking "mum cant die she just cant how can I look after a three year old I cant do it im only seven"

I roll over in my box; Life is hard I found this out the hard way, tears still streaming down my face I hate it I cant stand it. Life sucks. It's not fair, I curl up tighter and bring and old rag out to keep me warm.

Life is hard, ive lost my mother and my father and most recently my brother. This isn't the way it should be ive never done anything wrong I keep thinking how I could have angered God so much to have him let this happen to me.

Tears start streaming down like torrents as I remember the van and him as it drove off. I remember when he was taken and it haunts me because I wasn't fast enough to protect him.

I remember how happy I was I had just come back from the park after talking to this kind old lady whom I helped move so she wouldn't be hit by the oncoming traffic. She was kind enough to give me some food in return as I turned down the money as it wouldn't be right. I was walking back to him when I saw the van, that big black repulsive van from child services I begged it to keep driving straight but murphies law came straight through, and it turned the corned in the ally where our makeshift home was. I remember running as I saw it turn I got to our place dropped the food and began to frantically search tears flew from my eyes as I cried out his name over and over again and receiving no comfort of a reply. I ran back out and I stopped as a black van slowly starts driving away.

I watched it and then the tears started cascading down my face I started running again with renewed vigour, I remember running until my muscles ached and my lungs were on fire but I didn't stop.

I think back to that day if only I hadn't tripped if only I had ran faster if only..

I remember hitting the ground with a painful thud and looking up and seeing the little petite face of Jaimee looking out of the window big blue baby eyes brimming with tears, holding his teddy in one hand and waving slowly and sadly good bye with the other. I found sleep that night, not a lot but a little, the images and distorted fragments of memory blurring together in dream like sequences. They are what im most scared of, the images, things I will never forget; the beatings I got when I searched for food, the bruises will fade but the memory, that will stay for life.

An icy wind blows, snapping me back to the present. I get up and shake the snow off my home, it is now morning and it is freezing. I start off towards the park. There is normally a lady who is there that brings me food as I do errands for her as she is too old to get them done by herself, I am eternally grateful for her generosity although her son hates me and calls me a street urchin who is only after her pension money.

As I walk through the park I see a new family their boy looks about my age, I stay well away, he is probably just like all the other kids.

I sit under the big willow with its low braches that keep me hidden from prying eyes I sit there nibbling my biscuits I hear a sound and look up and see the small boy from the park, his bright red hair messy and disorganised his eyes a beautiful teal colour and a strange symbol on his forehead, standing over me I flinch as he reaches forwards. But he sits down beside me and looks at me with curiosity. He asks me my name but I tell him I cant remember he nods as if understanding, he tells me his name, then asks me where my family is, I tell him all about the misfortune of my family when im finished I look up at him and notice he is crying I look around and found my biscuit bundle I hand one out for him to take but instead he stands up and runs away.

I sit there feeling lonely again, I start to cry, I am alone again. I feel it get cold I look up and see the pretty young lady that was at the park, and the boy standing behind her.

Her voice is smooth and nurturing like wind chimes as she says not to be afraid and that she won't hurt me. She puts out her hand. I cautiously reach out and place my hand in hers.