"The Marauders Variety Show!"
A/N: Okay, I decided to group all of my Marauder one-shots, all dramatic, comedic, and songfics having to do with at least one of the Marauders, into this one monster blowout fic! But wait, there's more! This DVD comes LOADED with extra features, like previews/sneak peeks to my Marauder chapter-fics! Think of it as the Saturday Night Live of Marauder fanfics! All of my previously-written fics are here, along with some brand-new ones for your pleasure! Enjoy!
BTW, for all intended purposes, because Lily and Tonks were Marauder wives, I DO, in fact, consider them unofficial Marauders, and therefore, they appear here in their own right! HA! Also, I DO associate Snape with the Marauders, so he DOES occasionally appear, but not that often, as does my Marauder OC, Bastet Pollux
Table Of Contents
(Commentary Generously Provided by the Marauders, plus Lily and Tonks)
Chapter I: "Sirius Pie"—a Songfic
SIRIUS: Now THAT'S a sweet dessert!
JAMES: Blech. Not enough PRONGSIE in it!
LILY: Too much, if you ask me.
SIRIUS: I mean, who could honestly not love a parody song about ME?!?
REMUS: Well—
SIRIUS: That was a RHETORICAL question, Moony!
Chapter II: "The Marauders Go To Candy Mountain"—a Comedy
LILY: (giggling) one of my all-time favorites!
WORMTAIL: Not for me, it's not. I'm still afraid of unicorns!
JAMES: This one re-introduced me to the wonderful world of ibuprofen!
REMUS: I never DID get that essay done for Potions!
TONKS: Remus, darling, it's been, what, twenty years now and you STILL think about homework??
REMUS: So what if I do?
TONKS: It turns me on.
SIRIUS: Gag me with a wand.
JAMES: Get a ROOM!
LILY: It turns ME on too, James!
JAMES: Wanna get a double, Remus?
Chapter III: "Coming Home"—a DH-spoiler Drama
TONKS: This one's a bit moodier than the first two, I'm warning you. It's about my Remus and me!
REMUS: Ah yes, based on real life, too. Much sadder than the first two chapters.
JAMES: I dunno, Moony. That first chapter seems pretty-damn pathetic to me.
SIRIUS: Heh heh, yeah…hey, WAIT A SEC!
Chapter IV: "Marauders on a Rainy Day"—a Never-Before-Seen Comedy
JAMES: A real treat, a brand-spankin' new comedy!
WORMTAIL: My favorite part has to be the—
LILY:--ssh! You'll spoil it!
Chapter V: Excerpt from "The Most Insane School Days of the Sisters Black"—a Sneak-Peek
SIRIUS: This is just a little snippet. The whole thing is 30 chapters long!
TONKS: This one has a lot to do with my mum, actually.
REMUS: Tonks, actually, I'd rather you didn't read too far into that story, it's a little…err…embarrassing.
TONKS: Remus, better watch what you stay. Remember, I'm turned on, but I can turn off with one word..
REMUS: Shutting up now, dear.
Chapter VI: "Courage Comes in a Christmas Stocking"—a Holiday Drama
SIRIUS: ANOTHER Remus-loves-Tonks DRAMA???? Give me a goddamn break!
JAMES: I'm with you. Moony seems to be hogging the spotlight with his little wifey.
LILY: Jealous much, divas?
SIRIUS: Damn right.
JAMES: Hey, Padfoot! You have a whole song dedicated to you!
SIRIUS: Oh, right. Who's keeping tally?
WORMTAIL: I am.
Chapter VII: "The Marauders Chatroom"—a Comedy
WORMTAIL: Oh Merlin! Please don't put that one up!
JAMES: Ha ha, we should rename this one "Wormtail Discovers Porn!"
LILY: You're mean to Wormtail.
WORMTAIL: Yeah.
SIRIUS: Yeah, so what?
Chapter VIII: "Lily's Riot"—a Never-Before-Seen Parody Songfic
JAMES: Now HERE'S some Prongs-and-Lily action!
LILY: You wrote it just for me!
JAMES: Based it off a Muggle jazzy song. Suited my Evans perfectly!
SIRIUS: There, happy now, Prongs?
JAMES: No.
SIRIUS: Figures.
CHAPTER IX: "The Midnight Club"—a Parody/Drama
JAMES: Based on some Muggle 80's movie I can't remember the name of.
SIRIUS: I wanna say…the Bacon Club?
REMUS: Sounds close enough to me.
LILY: My old friend Bastet appears in this one too.
SIRIUS: Oh, yeah she does!!!
LILY: Perv. You just like it because you got to kiss her.
SIRIUS: Hey, if Rowling couldn't give me any action, might as well have a fanwriter gimme some!
REMUS: Oy vey.
SIRIUS: She was a hottie too. Okay, a little CURVIER and a little ECCENTRIC…but she still suits me well.
JAMES: Translation: Big butt and loud mouth, but she's still got a vagina.
Chapter X: "The Second Wedding Ring"—a Tragedy/Drama
SIRIUS: Here we go with the sad Remus and Tonks forever stories!
TONKS: Give us a break!
REMUS: Definitely!
TONKS: It made me sad to read this one, and I'm SOO glad it didn't turn out that way in real life!
JAMES: Yeah, instead of one of you dead, BOTH of you are dead!
TONKS: Better together than apart, right?
REMUS: Forever, Dora. Hey, give me a kiss…
JAMES: Ugh, this is like Word-Mush. I'm out.
LILY: I'm still turned on.
JAMES: A few more chapters wouldn't hurt…
Chapter XI: "Celebrating Good Times in Therapy!"—a Comedy
LILY: I am sooo evil!
JAMES: That really wasn't funny how that one turned out!
LILY: Yes it was!
REMUS: Sirius still hasn't come out of the closet.
SIRIUS: There WAS no closet to come out of, I TOLD you!!!
JAMES: Denial.
SIRIUS: Hey, what happened to "She's still got a vagina?!"
WORMTAIL: You CAN go both ways too…
SIRIUS: I don't NEED both ways! Gah!
Chapter XII: Excerpt from "To See a Thestral"—an AU Tragedy/Drama
TONKS: Another one that I'm glad didn't happen the way it happened.
REMUS: Yeah, another one where you live and I die…hey how come YOU always live?
TONKS: Uh…because I'm hotter now than I was at the beginning of this commentary?
REMUS: Um…let's go se about giving Teddy a little brother or sister, shall we?
LILY: Hey, they're going upstairs!
JAMES: WOOHOO! MOO-NY! MOO-NY!! Chant with me, Pads!
SIRIUS: MOO-NY! MOO-NY!
LILY: Pigs.
WORMTAIL: Yeah.
LILY: I could've had Severus, you know. He had respect for when his friends when off to have sex…but NO! I chose the handsome, yet immature little git!
SIRIUS: Shh…listen!
JAMES: Holy Merlin, they've been gone, what, five minutes and already with the moaning?!
SIRIUS: Damn, Moony's crotch must've been ready to burst down here.
JAMES: Say, Lily, getting any ideas?
LILY: Sorry, it's dead.
JAMES: Of course it is…
WORMTAIL; Anyways, enjoy our 'Variety Show!"
SIRIUS: A showcase of Sweet Sadie's most beloved Marauder-based fics...and a few DVD extras!
LILY: Have fun, and leave her a comment!