Black twiddled his thumbs. He was restless, and nothing was speaking to him. He had papers strewn about – failed diary entries that meant nothing and contained little. He was breaking apart.
His mind started pulling old memories forward. Were they his? Were they real? Were they really real? He wondered. He wondered over and over again, tossing the mess about in his head. It was starting to get to him – or maybe it had gotten to him long ago. Just like his memories, he was just backlogged, and the information was just now hitting him full force.
"Get away. Get away. This is eating you up inside!"
That's what White had said. Countless times, White had said it. And Black had listened. He moved forward; he got away, but at what cost?
He shifted and writhed, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. It was too much to bear! One minute, he was sitting up and suddenly he was on his back, nails scratching at his skin as he tried to make sense
of his mind
of his memories
what he lost…
Something was there, and he was tired of reaching deep to get it. But he needed it. He wanted it out! He wanted to look at it, evaluate it, but it was tearing him up inside.
It… Hatred from long ago. It was spreading through him like a thorny vine. He wanted to pick himself down to the bone. Was it worth it? Black covered his face in both hands and made some choked noise. It wasn't a scream. It wasn't a sob. It was something that just spilled up from beneath his memories. It was out. He felt slightly better.
When his door opened, it was 8 the next day. The morning filtered into his curtained room, and he just felt weak. Somehow, he had made it. He woke up feeling better – less heavier, less restless – but he was feeling worse. His mind was so bogged down. He could hardly pick himself up under that weight. The 'heaviness' shifted from soul to spirit. His consciousness felt lighter; his will was everything but. He felt empty. That void was dense.
"I can hardly get out of bed," he whimpered. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
He lost track of time. Hours became nothing. Those days became one day that just stretched on and on for many memories.