Zoe's heels clicked as she walked across the chilly car park, carrying her bag under one arm she wrapped her coat further around her body. She really hated these cold mornings, the drop in temperature made getting up for work so much more painful; plus to make matters worse she had the lingering effects of a few too many glasses of red last night. Her already dry mouth and thumping head was now only exacerbated by the freezing air around her. She couldn't wait for the summer time to return, would be glad to see the back of a winter period that she would rather forget. She had thought her break from the ED a few months back would give her space and time to sort her head out, to prioritise what was important in her life, to become something more than just being a doctor. It did for a while, or at least it made things seem simpler. It had highlighted to her just how little of a life she had outside of her work and she had vowed to correct that. To be both a better doctor and a better Zoe, so far her attempts had failed miserably.
As much as she regretted it this morning, the comfort she got from emptying glass after glass the night before had been too good to resist after what had been particulate taxing day in the ED. In fact many of her shifts since New Year had been taxing, since she walked in on Max and that nurse. She had once again allowed a little of her personal life to slip into her professional life, and was disappointed in herself at how quickly she had allowed that to happen. She hovered instead of heading straight towards the sliding doors; she had a few minutes to spare with Holby's traffic having been kind to her this morning, so she discreetly finished the cigarette she had lit after leaving the car. This was another part of her "new life" that she already failed miserably at, but she couldn't picture herself as a non-smoker, didn't feel like a non-smoker and right at this point in her life having a cigarette was one of her very few small comforts.
Taking one final big drag before flicking the butt into a nearby ashtray she took a deep breath, straightened her dress and made towards the door, praying that this shift would go by without any major complications, she wasn't sure how well her head would cope today?
She pushed open the double doors to reveal an already busy waiting area. Instantly spotting Max chatting to yet another nurse in the corner she diverted her attention to the reception desk.
"Morning Zoe" Louise and Noel spoke in harmony.
Zoe smiled "Morning" she replied.
On seeing Zoe enter Max quickly ended his conversation with the clingy nurse and made his way towards her. "Dr Hanna" he called "could I have a quick word"
"Not now Max" she retorted sharply barely even looking at him. Aware that Noel and Louise may think her reaction slightly out of character she added "I'm busy with admin this morning, try and catch me later"
To avoid anyone thinking she was acting strangely she briefly raised her head to look at him as she spoke, a look that no one else would have thought anything of, but Max knew. He knew she wouldn't let him speak to her later, he tried to speak to her for days now to explain, but she didn't want to know. He so desperately wanted to see what she was thinking, to ask her why she came to see him the other day. He had spent most of Christmas convincing himself that she wanted nothing more to do with him, that the had to move on. But her coming to see him had confused things. Know he didn't know what she was thinking, didn't know what to do. All the while she wouldn't talk to him there was nothing he could do. He watched as she grabbed some files from the desk and headed to her office.
"Morning" Zoe spoke as she entered the room she shared with the now clinical lead. She examined the woman sat at the desk opposite her, her eyes tired like that hadn't slept in weeks, her thin frame seeming more skeletal than ever and her skin pale with a glint of clamminess. "You look worse than I feel" she continued as she removed her coat and began searching through her bag for the paracetamol she hoped would rid her of this niggling headache, which now seemed worse after seeing Max.
"I'm not in the mood for small talk" Connie sneered back, instantly regretting not being more pleasant. Relations between Zoe and herself had been thawing recently, she didn't want set everything back to square one. As proud as she was she knew deep down that she needed people like Zoe on her side, especially now she had lost Grace.
"Sorry I just didn't sleep well, It's not your fault I shouldn't have snapped" Connie quickly added feigning a smile.
"Don't worry about it, I didn't have the best night myself and I have at least an hours' worth of admin to catch up on plus a headache from hell" Zoe paused for a moment then quietly added "if there is anything I can do to help...just ask" offering a discreet smile. She knew how much pressure being Clinical Lead could bring, on top of losing her daughter she could imagine just how stressed her former enemy was.
"I'm fine but thanks" Connie replied turning her attention to another email.
With neither being on good form, they seemed to have a mutual need to quietly get their heads down and absorb themselves in their work. They respected each other's needs and worked quietly barely uttering a word for the next hour.