A/N: Despite the title…Angel is referred to as a guy in this fic…I really don't know why.
Okay…I think Angel wants to kill me for what I'm doing to her…
Brace yourselves for some demented fluff (if you can call it that) and smut. This is quite long so you may want to take breaks while reading so your brain can process the weirdness. This story is cheesier and more random than my last M rated fic (woot!), if possible. You have been warned. This is very...different.
I am not really on crack…I swear… ;) I'm just not in the mood to write anything remotely serious. I think I'm addicted to writing cheesy, strange fics…it's just so damn fun…I can't stop...so bear with me! XD
If you flame me, I probably won't even notice because…I'm going insane…going maaaaaaaad…!
Now…on with the show!
"Mmmmm-mmmmm! What is that new scent, Angelcake? It's turnin' me on!" Collins came up behind Angel and wrapped his arms around his slim waist.
Angel turned around, grinning innocently. "Glad you like it…it's cookie dough. Here…open your mouth…"
Collins did so.With his fingers, Angel scooped a small amount of chocolaty chip goodness out of the mixing bowl he was holding and popped it into Collins' mouth.
"Mmmmm…thanks, Ang." Collins grinned mischievously. "Now…open your legs…"
"Thomas!!" Angel giggled, blushing. He almost dropped the bowl. "Not now…I gotta finish these cookies…don't you want any?"
"Yes." Collins growled playfully. "As a matter of fact…I do…"
With a soft sigh and a shake of his head, Angel turned around and began spooning the cookies onto the pan in perfectly rounded balls, flattening them down with the back of the spoon. He could sense it was going to be one of those days. When Collins was horny (which was often) there was no escaping him…not that Angel minded much.
"Will you look at those balls!" Collins exclaimed, leaning his head on Angel's shoulder. He felt Angel's slight frame shaking with laughter. When the professor was in one of those moods, everything was sexual and nothing was sacred…no matter how innocent.
"Oh my God, honey!! That has to be the worst pick up line I've ever heard!! Ever! Congratulations!"
"No…the worst has to be 'Can I lick the bowl out'." He paused. "Do you want me to go away?" Collins pouted jokingly.
"Yes." Angel smirked. "You're bothering me. I can't concentrate on my cookies with your…your…pervertedness. Now leave before I dump this bowl on your head!"
"You mean my cuteness!" Collins corrected his lover. "And too bad…I'm here to stay. You know…I'm only perverted 'cause I looove you…"
Angel rolled his eyes. "Yeah…whatever you say, dear."
"I looove watching you cook…" Collins whispered in his ear, causing him to shiver. Then he put his hands on Angel's…um…ba dunk-dunk (which is a really cool word for 'ass').
"Uh…thanks?" Angel bent over, pulled open the oven door and slid the baking sheet in. Then he felt it…Collins pressing himself against his backside. His eyes widened, he gasped in a ladylike manner and shot into an upright position, slamming the oven door shut in the process.
"Colliiiiins!" He let out an adorable, slight whine of annoyance.
"Yeees?" Collins grinned.
"Wait until I'm done…okay?"
"But that will take forever…look at you…" He noticed Angel wiping his brow with the back of his hand. "You're already getting tired!"
"Huh?? No, I'm not…it's just getting a little hot in here. That's all. I'll be done soon…I promise." He stretched up and gave him a soft peck on the lips.
"Okay…" Collins pouted half heartedly against his mouth.
"I gotta go to the bathroom, honey… I'll be right back." Angel began walking away with a subtle sway of his hips.
"I'll go with you!" Collins started after him.
"Nooo!!" Laughing hysterically, Angel made a mad dash for the bathroom with Collins hot on his trail. He slammed the door in Collins' face and locked it…just in the nick of time.
"Oh, little piiiig…" Collins rapped on the door. "Let me come in…"
"Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin!" Angel replied in a strangely cute falsetto.
"Oh…I see how it is!" Collins pretended to be hurt. "Just like that one time I came home from work. A little self lovin', huh?" Ever since that memorable time, Collins had never let Angel live it down.
"What?!??" Angel was giggling like a mad person. "You'd love that, wouldn't you??"
"Fuck, yeah!" Collins laughed. Then he got an idea…it was a good alternate to attacking poor Angel as soon as he emerged from the safety of the bathroom. "Hey baby…I'm gonna get us some drinks, okay?"
"Sure, honey. Thanks for letting me piss in private."
"No problem, Ang."
Collins made his way over to the kitchen area like a cat on the prowl. Seriously…he could almost hear the "Pink Panther" theme song ringing in his ears. He only felt slight guilt for what he was about to do. After all, Angel would enjoy it too.
Quickly and quietly, Collins reached into his pocket and pulled out a single Viagra pill (he planned things, you know). He opened up the cupboard and got out a shot glass, dropping the pill into it with a satisfying "tink". He began to crush the pill to a fine power with the blunt edge of a butter knife.
He got out two glasses, pouring a generous amount of beer into both. Then he emptied the shot glass into Angel's drink. He stirred it in with the thinner end of the knife and set the knife down on the counter top, very proud of himself.
My poor, little trusting Angel. I hope you enjoy your drink…hehehehehehehee…
"Hey, baby! Thanks!" Angel bounded around the corner.
AAAAAH! Oh my God!!
Collins jumped a mile. He whipped around to see his lover prance over to the stove, opening the oven and taking the first batch of cookies out.
Angel noticed his jumpy nature. "What's the matter, darling? You look like you've seen a ghost."
Stay calm…stay cool…
"Nothing's wrong, Ang. Here…cheers!" Collins held up his glass and handed Angel his.
"Okay…how come?" Angel giggled, raising an eyebrow.
"To… cookies!" Collins sang cheerfully.
Angel smiled. Their two glasses clinked together. "To cookies."
Worn out from baking, he gulped his beer thirstily.
Hehehehehehehee…
"Well…you let me know when you're done,' Kay?" His kissed Angel on the cheek.
"Alright, baby. I will." Angel chirped, prying the cookies off the pan with a spatula.
With a sly grin, Collins sauntered over to the couch and plopped down onto it. He dosed off into a light sleep…
RENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENTRENT
Collins was awoken a short time later when a slight figure jumped onto his lap.
"Mmmmm…Angel? How long was I-?"
He was cut off as Angel kissed him deeply and passionately. He felt Angel's hands on his jeans…frantically undoing the zipper.
Yeees!! Collins' half asleep mind was cheering with joy.
"So…ah…are the cookies done??" Collins asked him casually, a trace of amusement in his tone. His question was muffled from Angel's kiss.
"Yep. We'll have some later." Came Angel's quick reply, his breath heavily scented with beer. His voice had a rougher edge to it. He began kissing Collins' face. With a quick,graceful movement, Angel slipped his small hand down Collins' pants. He began working a warm gel over him, causing Collins to harden against his hand.
"Damn…" Collins shuddered, slumping down further into the cushions.
Angel grinned at him with an almost mad look in his eye. He rubbed him some more, enjoying the expression on his face.
"I-Angel…this is…heaven!" Collins stammered. "I guess cooking really gets you going, huh?" Honestly, Collins was blown away. He had never seen Angel like this…he was always the aggressor…not that he was complaining. Angel's bold movements were putting him to shame. He wanted it and ,oh boy, was he ever getting it. Angel clenched his fist around him, causing him to yelp.
The Latino leaned in and whispered a silky command. "Lay on your stomach."
Collins paused. Was this for real?
With surprising strength, Angel pushed the older,larger man onto his back.
"Am I gonna have to roll you over, too??"
Collins did as he was told.
"Good boy, Collins!" Angel laughed, giving him a light smack on the ass.
Collins felt his jeans being tugged down. He heard the zipper of Angel's being undone. He had never done this before…he was a little nervous.
As if reading his thoughts, Angel reassured him. "Don't worry. Hurts like hell at first…then it gets good."
Collins groaned, foggy-brained and unable to speak, as he felt Angel push into him.
"Feels good, doesn't it?"
Collins could only moan in response. He held his breath, stiffening.
Angel grunted. He began rocking his hips back and forth, riding Collins in increasingly rough, faster thrusts…and Collins was lovin' it. Gone was the cute, feminine, gentle Angel he had become used to…it was an interesting and exciting change.
"Oooh, baby…" Collins was at a loss of what to say, not that it would come out as coherent, anyway.
Angel began thrusting into Collins harder than ever,causing the springs of the sofa to squeak. He slipped his hand underneath him, fisting him firmly. By this point, both lovers were driven over the edge. Angel shuddered against Collins, moaning loudly as he came inside him. Collins groaned, he bucked and reared under Angel, soaking his hand and the cushions of that poor couch. Finally, they both collapsed in a sweaty heap, breathing heavily. After a few seconds, Collins became aware (through the haze) of Angel's slight body stiffening against him in an almost self conscious manner.
Angel eased off of Collins and slumped into a sitting position on the far end of the couch. Now able to sit up, Collins followed suit…very slowly. He faced him.
"Wow…Ang…that was fucking amazing!" He gushed to his startled lover.
Angel blinked, looking slightly confused. He nodded, managing a small smile. "Thanks…well…I'm glad I didn't hurt you or anything…" He stared off into space…kinda stunned.
Collins shook his head. "Nuh-uh. It hurt in a good way…uh…anything wrong, Angelcake?"
Angel snapped back to attention. "It's just…goodness…where on earth did that come from??" He giggled nervously. "What just happened here??"
Collins smirked. Angel was back to his sweet, cute little self. It was creepily cute...
"I dunno..." He shrugged, trying to look innocent. "Maybe you just…had a moment…" Whatever the hell that means…
"Yeah…I'll say…I'm sorry." Angel wrinkled his brow in confusion, more than slightly weirded out.
"Don't be. Anyways…I'm glad to have you back, Ang." He smiled warmly at him.
"Me too." Angel scooted over next to him, climbing onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around his neck, cuddling with him.
"I love you, honey." Angel said sweetly.
Collins cuddled back, kissing his cheek. "I love you more." He crooned, speaking to both his lover and the trusty little miracle drug Viagra.
THE END…OR IS IT??