Angst angst ridden unrequited love one shot in Bella's POV. Limerence at its best ladies and gents. This is how it should've gone. Got the inspiration from "Don't Wanna Be Your Girl No More" by Wet. You should give it a listen. It's a masterpiece. The title is a song by them too. Enjoy people. Bring napkins if need be;)
I am trapped. I love Edward so much and yet..it is not enough. I still feel a burning desire for another.
I think back to when I first laid eyes on him and his family. I didn't know if I could pick which one of them was more beautiful. In the end, I chose Edward. I know why now.
Maybe it was the way his arm draped across her shoulder. The way she smiled at something he said and showed those pearly white teeth. I wanted to know how my lip would feel between them. I still do.
Edward is careful at all times. His hands shake with effort not to clutch me too hard. He grits his teeth to keep foul words from coming from his mouth. I wish I could tell him that I wanted roughness. I wanted curses thrown in my direction and hands tangled in my hair. Maybe one around my throat. Hers looked like they would fit well.
Her words sting deliciously. She dismisses me as a fragile human for the 5th time in one day. Yes, I have counted. Whatever comes out of her mouth is a masterpiece. Whether it is an insult or an angry breathe. I savor them all equally. I stare at her, not caring that she is well aware. She shoots a glare my way and disappears up the stairs. Where she will wait for her mate's return.
I wonder what it's like when they make love. Does he worship her body and kiss every inch of skin like I do in my dreams? Maybe he fucks her rough and pulls her silky hair. I smile as warmth and pain floods my chest. What a contradiction this situation is.
Her scent floats on the breeze she caused. I inhale deeply from my spot on the couch. I ponder over my sudden masochism. Something is really wrong with me.
Edward will be back from his hunt with the of rest his family soon. It had taken a lot of persuasion to let her babysit me. He feared that she would hurt my feelings. If only he knew how much I craved it. I deserved it for cheating on him. Even if only emotionally.
He comes in with those bright golden eyes and that crooked smile. He wraps his arms around me and I smile imagining the differences. Her arms would be shorter but they would feel like home. They would hold me tighter.
When he kisses me I feel like it's my first time. It's like a little boy stealing a kiss from me on the playground. So fleeting and dispassionate. I want fire and brimstone culminating into the moment when our lips touch. I want hands reaching and grasping. I want groping and hair tugging. It always ends too soon and never the way I want it to.
I know she would make me feel like a woman. Like my lips are an answer to her prayers. I wonder what she prays for..I pray for her to sneak into my room and sneak under the covers. I pray for nails down the sides of thighs and a head between my legs. I'm still waiting.
Sometimes I wish Edward could read my mind. When we are together I push my thoughts toward him. I scream and roar but he never reacts. It makes me tired and numb."I love you, Bella, " he whispers against my hair as we part ways for the night. We are standing at the window of my room but it feels like we are on the edge of a cliff. His words threaten to push me over. "I love her," I scream in my mind. A few rocks fall from the cliff.
"I love you too, Edward."
Alice talks and talks as she goes through the contents of her closet looking for something that can fit me. I can't hear what she's saying. I remember the dress her sister wore when we were voting on my humanity. I barely heard what she said over the lustful thoughts racing through my mind. Was everything on her a testimony to her perfection? Michaelangelo could never do her justice.
Alice is looking at me now. She seems annoyed.
"Bella, did you hear anything I just said," she asks with a huff. I shake my head and laugh. Sometimes I wish it could have been Alice. At least she already loved me. Then again, the pain of rejection is so sweet. Her eyes glaze over and she gives me an odd look. I wonder if she knows. If she does she never says a thing.
I know Jasper knows. Did he tell her?
His eyes narrow at me like I'm on trial for murder. Disapproval lurks inside them every time I catch his gaze.
I wish he would spill my secret before I had the chance. They should have let him have when I cut my finger open. I wouldn't have had the chance to fall deeper for her.
When I said yes to Edward's proposal it had felt like someone had poured lava on my tongue. I wanted to have the courage to say no. I wanted to scream at him and tell him he had no right.
He had no right to love me so genuinely when I couldn't give him the same in return. I deserved this burn. I deserved the flames of hell. Then again, my life right now was just that.
When the threat of Victoria is back I almost sigh in relief. She is a welcome distraction to all of the turmoil in my life. Watching the Cullens and the wolves train is heartbreaking. Especially watching her. They are going through all this trouble because I got into a relationship with the wrong person. The second choice.
The wrong choice, my mind whispers to me. I almost chuckle out loud. I hope Victoria gets to me.
I am disappointed when her head rolls across the snow.
Her hands play in his hair as he plays his favorite game. A small smile twitches at her lips. She is so pure in this moment. I want to cry. He doesn't know how lucky he is to have her. Maybe he does. If I was him I would revel in her everyday. They've been together for decades. I would kill for the opportunity.
Edward says something and the family laughs. They look so carefree. I would ruin it by admitting my personal obsession. My burden is my own to carry. I cuddle closer into Edward and let resignation take over me. I catch Jasper looking at me sadly from across the room. It only adds to my ever growing self hatred.
I will never have her. I will never remotely be anything close to what she wants. I am just a human after all.
I want to open my veins and lay bare the very thing that makes me so desirable yet so repulsive to her. I want to watch her eyes turn black and her hands curl in hunger. She will want me then. I will moan as her teeth tear into my skin. Take me, I would say.
You can devour me. Defile me.
I sigh and close my eyes when Edward kisses my hair. It burns.
Maybe if I don't let myself say her name it will take away this forbidden crush. I struggle with effort as images of her pass behind my eyelids.
It's all in vain.
"Rosalie," my traitor mind whispers.
"You're stumbling a little." Her voice is delicious.
Cold, pale hands push me over the edge.
My smile never wavers even as I hit the rocks below.
Aw. Poor Bella bear. Twilight would have been very interesting if it was like this imho. Reviews made my heart beat faster;)