"Merlin, name one woman with whom you've had a romantic relationship with that hasn't been a murderous sorceress." Arthur dared the other man.
Merlin spluttered trying to come up with a name
"Well, there was….I mean….they weren't all, surely!" his face fell as he failed to think of anyone.
"That doesn't mean anything!" He rushed to assure Arthur, who was nodding smugly at him.
"Just as I thought." The king confirmed arrogantly, but stopped as Merlin exclaimed
"Gwen!"
"What?" Arthur questioned darkly, getting a bad feeling. Merlin failed to notice.
"Gwen" He explained, "She was neither a sorcerous nor murderous!"
"Gwen is the one woman you've had a romantic relationship with that wasn't trying to kill you, me or half of Camelot?" Arthur asked in confirmation, trying to make sure he had all the facts straight.
"Yes." Merlin looked pleased that Arthur was following his logic, and a little proud of himself for remembering.
"Gwen. As in, Guinevere. Queen Guinevere. My WIFE!" Arthur screamed
"Ah" Merlin finally caught on to the fact that he was in trouble.
"And when exactly, Merlin, were you romantically involved with Guinevere?"
"Oh come on," Merlin tried to defend himself. "It was ages before you even started noticing her, right when I first came to Camelot. Besides, I guess we were never actually 'romantically evolved'. I mean, it never got beyond flirting….and, well…there was that kiss…."Merlin slapped his hand over his mouth suddenly realizing what he'd said, but it was too late.
"A kiss! You kissed her!" Arthur screeched and lunged at Merlin, who ducked out of the way and scurried to put distance between him and the jealous king. "You kissed my wife! Merlin, I'm going to kill you!" He chased Merlin around the room, trying to dodge and weave around chairs Merlin kept tipping over in between them.
"Arthur! You're over reacting! It was really more of a 'thank god you're alive' spur of the moment thing! You know perfectly well that she's like my sister now!"
"Ha!" Arthur snorted and made to grab Merlin's jacket, but was brought up short when the younger man stopped and turned to face him, an accusing finger pointed straight at his nose.
"You know what? No!" Merlin scolded him. "You don't get to judge me for any relationship Gwen and I might have had. Do you know why, Arthur Pendragon?"
Arthur could sense a trap, good things never happened when Merlin used his full name, but his sense of curiosity got the better of him.
"Why?"
"Because at the time, you had a crush on your sister!"
Arthur's jaw dropped open. He did a good impression of a carp, opening and shutting his mouth while strangled sounds but no words came out. He unconsciously started shaking his head, forming a denial that such a thing had ever happened. But Merlin knew him better than he knew himself and was staring at him with accusing eyes.
"Okay fair point." Arthur muttered bitterly, turning his back to Merlin.
Okay, so before you ask: I'm counting Freya as a murderous sorceress because she was A) probably a sorceress an B) she did actually murder a few people, if not exactly willingly.